Eyes on You
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "The Big Heist"Tommy tries to rescue their family.
16 total reviews
Comment from susand3022
Hi,
Recently I was told that my reviewing basically sucks. So this week,
this is my review. I'm taking a survey... Would you rather:
A: Have a true review
B: Have a certain 5-star generic review
Choose wisely and be sure of your choice so I can save myself the
needless time and tears over those who don't want to hear them.
I'll make a list.
And remember... LEARNING IS EARNING!
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
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Hi,
Recently I was told that my reviewing basically sucks. So this week,
this is my review. I'm taking a survey... Would you rather:
A: Have a true review
B: Have a certain 5-star generic review
Choose wisely and be sure of your choice so I can save myself the
needless time and tears over those who don't want to hear them.
I'll make a list.
And remember... LEARNING IS EARNING!
Comment Written 08-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
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Thank you for reading my chapter. I hope you enjoyed it. As a reviewer myself I can understand your frustration, uncertainty. I think your survey is a great idea. Another great way of knowing would be to look at past reviews and the author's replies. Myself, I'd rather a reviewer point out my mistakes in a professional, helpful, not hurtful manner and rate my work accordingly, fairly.
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Hi Misty, This is actually one of the easiest chapters I have ever read. It's well written and done in such a way that I had no trouble knowing--seeing the characters as I went along. I didn't have to stumble along trying to piece things together as I was entering the middle of a book... wonderful!!! :)
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Thank you so much for all your high praise,it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from apky
First off, this is the best cover, in terms of resolution and design, that you ever had here. I love it!
By the way, you must have written, like, six or seven books since I came here in 2017 February - congratulations! I wish I could write this fast.
I see I've missed a chapter or two, and hope to find time to go back to them to read for a better grasp of the story. At any rate, this chapter is brilliant, my friend.
Have a fab New Year,
Aki
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
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First off, this is the best cover, in terms of resolution and design, that you ever had here. I love it!
By the way, you must have written, like, six or seven books since I came here in 2017 February - congratulations! I wish I could write this fast.
I see I've missed a chapter or two, and hope to find time to go back to them to read for a better grasp of the story. At any rate, this chapter is brilliant, my friend.
Have a fab New Year,
Aki
Comment Written 07-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your fantastic review, I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. I'm glad you liked the cover. I wanted something creepy, that catches people's attention, make them take a second look.
I've written 10, but I consider them all first drafts because they all need some major editing.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Misty, so you've started a new crime tale, and it's very well written. The scene has been set and I'm now looking forward to what is to happen next. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
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Hi Misty, so you've started a new crime tale, and it's very well written. The scene has been set and I'm now looking forward to what is to happen next. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 07-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your great review, I'm so glad you like it. I'm afraid Tommy has a long hard road ahead.
Thank you again for all your help and support, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
so here we are with our detectives Rachel Kirk and Jerry getting involved with
Tommy and his crew try to pull off the biggest job yet. I like how you are keeping my interest to read your next chapter what happens next. Gert
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
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Hello Mistydawn
so here we are with our detectives Rachel Kirk and Jerry getting involved with
Tommy and his crew try to pull off the biggest job yet. I like how you are keeping my interest to read your next chapter what happens next. Gert
Comment Written 06-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review, I'm so glad your intriged with the story. I guarentee that things are only going to get more interesting from here.
Thank you so much for all your help, support and friendship it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Sarah_Goldwell
Rachel is way, way off, but then she doesn't know what we know, lol. Loved your 2nd chapter. You characters are developing nicely. I like how you switch between the cops and robbers. The transitions are smooth and move the story at a nice pace.
("We're on our way, captain," Rachel grabs her gear from the desk.) - when I read this i found myself wondering 'what gear' it jerked me out of the story a bit. Not enough to ruin it or anything but it might have good to picture what she grabbed.
Good imagery and description with the house and grounds, (two large flower beds are on either side of the stairs.) - stairs made me picture a staircase - steps might be more fitting. Only a suggestion, of course you are the author.
Excellent plot development with Rachel's theory even though she's way off. Very cleverly done. It enables Tommy and his gang to carry on robbing while Kirk and his crew bark up the wrong tree.
Looks like Rachel's cooking lol. This chapter has everything, I wish I had a 6 left to give you.
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
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Rachel is way, way off, but then she doesn't know what we know, lol. Loved your 2nd chapter. You characters are developing nicely. I like how you switch between the cops and robbers. The transitions are smooth and move the story at a nice pace.
("We're on our way, captain," Rachel grabs her gear from the desk.) - when I read this i found myself wondering 'what gear' it jerked me out of the story a bit. Not enough to ruin it or anything but it might have good to picture what she grabbed.
Good imagery and description with the house and grounds, (two large flower beds are on either side of the stairs.) - stairs made me picture a staircase - steps might be more fitting. Only a suggestion, of course you are the author.
Excellent plot development with Rachel's theory even though she's way off. Very cleverly done. It enables Tommy and his gang to carry on robbing while Kirk and his crew bark up the wrong tree.
Looks like Rachel's cooking lol. This chapter has everything, I wish I had a 6 left to give you.
Comment Written 06-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 07-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for your wonderful review I'm so glad you enjoyed this segment.
Thank you for all of your helpful suggestions.I changed stairs to steps and said Rachel grabbed her cell from her desk.
Thank you again for all your help and support,take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Lots of action here. How could they have known all those security codes? So now Kirk has been added to the team. Wonder what he's going to do differently from the others.
Rachel walks across the lawn her partners follow. <-- needs punctuation, either of these:
Rachel walks across the lawn; her partners follow.
Rachel walks across the lawn, and her partners follow.
"Ha[s] my instincts['] been wrong before, Jerry?"<-- errors
"Have my instincts been wrong before, Jerry?"
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2019
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Lots of action here. How could they have known all those security codes? So now Kirk has been added to the team. Wonder what he's going to do differently from the others.
Rachel walks across the lawn her partners follow. <-- needs punctuation, either of these:
Rachel walks across the lawn; her partners follow.
Rachel walks across the lawn, and her partners follow.
"Ha[s] my instincts['] been wrong before, Jerry?"<-- errors
"Have my instincts been wrong before, Jerry?"
Comment Written 06-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your great reoview and for all o your help. I corrected the two mistakes. Tommy knows the codes because he's watching them on camera survaliance. I did mention that, didn't I? Darn it, now I'm going to have to go back and look. You did it to me again, didn't you, lol. It's your subtle hints that help me improve my writing.
Thank you again for your kind review all your help support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
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Thanks. I probably just forgot. Reading so many stories every day, it's easy to lose track. I'm too old for bulk reading. Listen to what young reviewers say. Their memories are still intact. :)
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No, you was right. So I added the whole time my cameras were running. See your memory is stil in tact.
Comment from krprice
Excellent post though you might have more description of the people.
'S' in sergeant should not be in caps unless it is with a name after it.
The same with 'c' in captain.
I look forward to more.
Karlene
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2019
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Excellent post though you might have more description of the people.
'S' in sergeant should not be in caps unless it is with a name after it.
The same with 'c' in captain.
I look forward to more.
Karlene
Comment Written 06-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2019
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Thank you for another great review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I will go back and change the captain, sergeant and try to add more detail, take care.
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I do have a question. Wouldn't you capitalize sergeant and captain if it replaces a name? For example; We're on our way, captain?
Comment from KatyM
Misty, I am confused about something? Here is the part I am not sure about: Someone's coming." Vinnie points down the road.
Then the next paragraph, you have it where the forensic team is checking out the house and Rachel is there talking to the people.
It's like there is a big gap of time in between. Just wondering about that.
Here is the paragraph:
They didn't have a single visitor the entire time I watched them. Tommy nervously glances around trying to figure out what to do.
(In this sentence there is an extra space between car and the word slides)
Tommy recalls the first time he stepped into the old lady's home as his car slides around another sharp curve.
I liked this chapter. katy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2019
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Misty, I am confused about something? Here is the part I am not sure about: Someone's coming." Vinnie points down the road.
Then the next paragraph, you have it where the forensic team is checking out the house and Rachel is there talking to the people.
It's like there is a big gap of time in between. Just wondering about that.
Here is the paragraph:
They didn't have a single visitor the entire time I watched them. Tommy nervously glances around trying to figure out what to do.
(In this sentence there is an extra space between car and the word slides)
Tommy recalls the first time he stepped into the old lady's home as his car slides around another sharp curve.
I liked this chapter. katy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 06-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your review and for catching my mistake the extra space, but I'm not sure what you're wanting me to fix where you have here in this paragraph, please explain. The detectives and Tommy are at two different places. The detectives at church street and Tommy and his crew on homestead drive.
Thank you again for your helpful review, all your support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
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When I was reading it, it sounds like there is a time gap and they are at the same place. I will have to reread that chapter and the chapter before to check again. thanks katy
Comment from Sugarray77
This is a well-written continuation of these robbery stories that Tommy has gotten himself involved in now. It looks like the detective has it all wrong and is leading everyone astray. I will be glad to read the next one. Good job.
Melissa
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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This is a well-written continuation of these robbery stories that Tommy has gotten himself involved in now. It looks like the detective has it all wrong and is leading everyone astray. I will be glad to read the next one. Good job.
Melissa
Comment Written 05-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much for reading my chapter, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Rachel's theory is way off, which will hinder the investigation. That's good news for Tommy, but bad news for the town.
Thank you again for your great review all your help and support, take care.
Comment from dejohnsrld (Debbie)
A interesting start to your story, my friend. One correction:
toke it up should be toking it up.
Best wishes with your project, my friend~Debbie
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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A interesting start to your story, my friend. One correction:
toke it up should be toking it up.
Best wishes with your project, my friend~Debbie
Comment Written 05-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your lovely review I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Thank you for catching my mistake, take care.
