Enter Anna Stage Left
Based on a true story21 total reviews
Comment from Adam Bartlett
Concise and easy to read, No extra words and no unnecessarily complex words, conveys an atmosphere of simplicity and honesty.
I guess one revision might be that the last sentence of the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph start with "We'd", which sounds a little bit redundant to my ear. Just a suggestion. Good work though.
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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Concise and easy to read, No extra words and no unnecessarily complex words, conveys an atmosphere of simplicity and honesty.
I guess one revision might be that the last sentence of the first paragraph and the first sentence of the second paragraph start with "We'd", which sounds a little bit redundant to my ear. Just a suggestion. Good work though.
Comment Written 05-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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Thank you Norm for your suggestions I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from B. A.Montpelier
What a beautifully written love story. I really like the way it left a smile not only on my face but my heart as well.
Maybe next time start your story with something that would reach out and grab the readers attention sooner.
Good luck and thank you for a great read.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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What a beautifully written love story. I really like the way it left a smile not only on my face but my heart as well.
Maybe next time start your story with something that would reach out and grab the readers attention sooner.
Good luck and thank you for a great read.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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I'm glad the story touched you. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Yuna Akil
Hi Earl,
This is very cute! I absolutely love this and could read it over and over again. I think you conveyed something very powerful in just a few lines!
I think this is pretty excellent and I can't find any comment that is not subjective. I really do think "Enter Anna Stage Left" is that good. If I must say something, there are two things that caught my attention and that may distract the reader. When you write "happenin" without a G, wonder if it is necessary. I personally would keep with a G because that is the only time you use a dialect in this piece. Because it only happens once, it may be distracting.
The other one is that Anna has blue eyes. Blue eyes are pretty but there will always be people who don't have blue eyes that are also pretty. There's a lot of women of color and Asians who would feel a little bit odd if they read this so I think that if you chose some other characteristic, it would be more inclusive. I'm a man of color and we are reminded that we could never have the "aesthetically" pleasing traits all the time.
As I said, both of these comments are subjective rather than objective but I still hope them help! I think this writing is amazing and what I have commented about making them better is something that would make them better for me personally.
Cheers,
Iuná.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Hi Earl,
This is very cute! I absolutely love this and could read it over and over again. I think you conveyed something very powerful in just a few lines!
I think this is pretty excellent and I can't find any comment that is not subjective. I really do think "Enter Anna Stage Left" is that good. If I must say something, there are two things that caught my attention and that may distract the reader. When you write "happenin" without a G, wonder if it is necessary. I personally would keep with a G because that is the only time you use a dialect in this piece. Because it only happens once, it may be distracting.
The other one is that Anna has blue eyes. Blue eyes are pretty but there will always be people who don't have blue eyes that are also pretty. There's a lot of women of color and Asians who would feel a little bit odd if they read this so I think that if you chose some other characteristic, it would be more inclusive. I'm a man of color and we are reminded that we could never have the "aesthetically" pleasing traits all the time.
As I said, both of these comments are subjective rather than objective but I still hope them help! I think this writing is amazing and what I have commented about making them better is something that would make them better for me personally.
Cheers,
Iuná.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Thank you Yuna for your comments. Just for fun, I don't have blue eyes either. I feel honored that you found this worthy of a six star rating. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from ragerde
I enjoyed reading this touching story of a first kiss that would lead to many more over nearly a quarter of a century. Best wishes for the next 25.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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I enjoyed reading this touching story of a first kiss that would lead to many more over nearly a quarter of a century. Best wishes for the next 25.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Earl,
Thank you for sharing this cute story - based in truth - which lets us in on a special moment in your life.
Some of us are lucky to recognize the one we will be with for a long time right off the bat.
I won't be around as much this year - but you can always find me on FB, my blog, or email - patty@mustangpatty1029.com.
~patty~
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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Hi, Earl,
Thank you for sharing this cute story - based in truth - which lets us in on a special moment in your life.
Some of us are lucky to recognize the one we will be with for a long time right off the bat.
I won't be around as much this year - but you can always find me on FB, my blog, or email - patty@mustangpatty1029.com.
~patty~
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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Thanks Patty, im getting to be pretty proud of this book. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
You pulled at my heart strings with this one Earl, so sweet and romantic and you gained this blue eyed girl as she must have seen something sparkle inside you, a magical write of love and romance, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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You pulled at my heart strings with this one Earl, so sweet and romantic and you gained this blue eyed girl as she must have seen something sparkle inside you, a magical write of love and romance, love Dolly x
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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Thank you Dolly for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from Artasylum
Oh wonderful and Anna is a lucky girl... I hope you guys aren't sitting in the barbecue place... Thanks so much for this love story shared in humor... thanks so much yours, diana
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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Oh wonderful and Anna is a lucky girl... I hope you guys aren't sitting in the barbecue place... Thanks so much for this love story shared in humor... thanks so much yours, diana
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 05-Jan-2019
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I'm the lucky one. Thank you for reading and reviewing my work.
Comment from Bill Schott
This is a great beginning, if that's what it is, to a terrific biographical write about your entry into the best thing that ever happened to you.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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This is a great beginning, if that's what it is, to a terrific biographical write about your entry into the best thing that ever happened to you.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your kind words Bill.it was the beginning. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from babykoala
awwwwww this made me feel so happy and warm. The fact that those feelings are still as strong and you still hold her as the main star in your life is an amazing thing and rare too! i loved reading this and loved the feeling of love it gave me.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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awwwwww this made me feel so happy and warm. The fact that those feelings are still as strong and you still hold her as the main star in your life is an amazing thing and rare too! i loved reading this and loved the feeling of love it gave me.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
Comment from jenintorre
Ah what a lovely, uplifting flash fiction. I really enjoyed reading it. A nice heartwarming way to start the day. Best wishes. Jen.
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Ah what a lovely, uplifting flash fiction. I really enjoyed reading it. A nice heartwarming way to start the day. Best wishes. Jen.
Comment Written 04-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 04-Jan-2019
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Thank you Jen for your kind words. I appreciate you taking the time to read and review my work.
