Phil Finds Comfort
Phil revisits his parents26 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
That's a sweet story. I'm glad that Phil got closure and accepted his parents' counsel to move on with life even though he misses them. I found your name of "Phil Dough" very funny. I kept thinking of the Pillsbury dough boy. Lol.
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
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That's a sweet story. I'm glad that Phil got closure and accepted his parents' counsel to move on with life even though he misses them. I found your name of "Phil Dough" very funny. I kept thinking of the Pillsbury dough boy. Lol.
Comment Written 13-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 13-Jan-2019
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Thank you! I know, "Dough" is a funny last name. I like your humor, it's comforting. I am happy that you like the story! :)
Comment from Donka Kristeva
This is well expressed and complete in its message fiction work. Some people experience similar phenomena with departed loved ones. Like your title, it brings comfort. It is supernatural but God gives us direction and comfort in various ways.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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This is well expressed and complete in its message fiction work. Some people experience similar phenomena with departed loved ones. Like your title, it brings comfort. It is supernatural but God gives us direction and comfort in various ways.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much! :)
Comment from Gloria ....
Excellent entry into the 100 word flash fiction story, Raul. Thank goodness Phil didn't really see the ghosts or he might've started to worry, yes?
I wish you much luck with the contest committee. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Excellent entry into the 100 word flash fiction story, Raul. Thank goodness Phil didn't really see the ghosts or he might've started to worry, yes?
I wish you much luck with the contest committee. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 12-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thank you, my friend! :)
Comment from Sandra Elizabeth Williams
Hi Raul, I like your story. It has the required 100 words ; however there is a little problem with the beginning sentence "Phil Dough has stood in front of his parents' gravesite." It sounds abrupt like you intended to put a timeframe to it.
Please relook and I'll be happy to revise the rate.
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Hi Raul, I like your story. It has the required 100 words ; however there is a little problem with the beginning sentence "Phil Dough has stood in front of his parents' gravesite." It sounds abrupt like you intended to put a timeframe to it.
Please relook and I'll be happy to revise the rate.
Comment Written 12-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 12-Jan-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Gert sherwood
I like your 100 word flash entry for the contest Ral1.
you have done well putting your supernatural and how you gave me feeling of happiness. Gert
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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I like your 100 word flash entry for the contest Ral1.
you have done well putting your supernatural and how you gave me feeling of happiness. Gert
Comment Written 11-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 11-Jan-2019
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Thank you! I am happy that you like it.
Comment from write hand blue
An interesting tale of a loving son and a visitation beyond the grave.
I enjoyed the tale but felt that if it was told in first person then a feeling of being there would add to the completeness of the story. I notice you have used third person. Just an observation. Good story. Keep writing.
~Mel~
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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An interesting tale of a loving son and a visitation beyond the grave.
I enjoyed the tale but felt that if it was told in first person then a feeling of being there would add to the completeness of the story. I notice you have used third person. Just an observation. Good story. Keep writing.
~Mel~
Comment Written 10-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Thank you! I will! :)
Comment from F. Wehr3
The story was heart-warming and gave a nice feeling, but I noticed a few things you may want to consider fro revision. Please consider the following.
Phil Dough has stood in front of his parents' gravesite. --In your first sentence, you speak in the present tense. The rest of your story is told in past. Suggest had stood.
Phil got advice from them that he can move on with his life. --Phil received advice ... that he could ...
He gave both of them a big hug. They disappeared and became grateful for his life. Fortunately, he did start his own family.--Suggest making the first sentence a combo. He gave them both a hug and they disappeared. Otherwise you're saying his parents became grateful for his life, you see? The next part contains another dip into the present tense. With a little rewording, use started. He started a family of his own.
I hope you find this helpful. Good luck!
Take care,
Russell
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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The story was heart-warming and gave a nice feeling, but I noticed a few things you may want to consider fro revision. Please consider the following.
Phil Dough has stood in front of his parents' gravesite. --In your first sentence, you speak in the present tense. The rest of your story is told in past. Suggest had stood.
Phil got advice from them that he can move on with his life. --Phil received advice ... that he could ...
He gave both of them a big hug. They disappeared and became grateful for his life. Fortunately, he did start his own family.--Suggest making the first sentence a combo. He gave them both a hug and they disappeared. Otherwise you're saying his parents became grateful for his life, you see? The next part contains another dip into the present tense. With a little rewording, use started. He started a family of his own.
I hope you find this helpful. Good luck!
Take care,
Russell
Comment Written 10-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Thank you for the review and advice.
Comment from Earl Corp
Your notes helped pull this together for me. Not that the story was that complicated, it's just that I just needed help with the takeaway. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Your notes helped pull this together for me. Not that the story was that complicated, it's just that I just needed help with the takeaway. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 10-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from Mimi Linny
Though this is to be flash fiction, in theory this is so true... Parents will always be there for you. Your story re-assures that even after death, your parents can relay their guidance in remembrance and spirituality. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Though this is to be flash fiction, in theory this is so true... Parents will always be there for you. Your story re-assures that even after death, your parents can relay their guidance in remembrance and spirituality. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 10-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 10-Jan-2019
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Thank you!
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Raul. Your story reflects the concern that families have for each other. Losing a parent is a hard for a child of any age and we look to messages from them when they cross over--letting us know that they are alright. A very nice story. Marilyn
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
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Hi Raul. Your story reflects the concern that families have for each other. Losing a parent is a hard for a child of any age and we look to messages from them when they cross over--letting us know that they are alright. A very nice story. Marilyn
Comment Written 09-Jan-2019
reply by the author on 09-Jan-2019
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Thank you so much!
