Tanka(farmers horse)
A Tanka poem28 total reviews
Comment from rjuselius
this is an intriguing piece of poetry dear pamusart! I think you have successfully managed to convey the work Amish people do without any of our technology or aid.
thank you for sharing!
blessings and a super squeeze!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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this is an intriguing piece of poetry dear pamusart! I think you have successfully managed to convey the work Amish people do without any of our technology or aid.
thank you for sharing!
blessings and a super squeeze!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Thank you Rebekah for your wonderful review Happy New Year!
Comment from HarryT
Correction from four to five stars based upon input from the author. qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Correction from four to five stars based upon input from the author. qqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqqq
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 27-Dec-2018
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Hi Harry. I guarantee you this is a Tanka. I am working with the master. While personification, metaphor and simile are allowed in a Tanka, they are not required. I?ll send you the rules for tankas separately. We are using a shorter form 3-5-3-5-5 to be closer to the Japanese method. Perhaps ignorance of these rules played a part in your rating. Thank you for your review.
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Here are the rules per the instructor on this site. Not it specifically says the things you mentioned are not required
I have stumbled on some helpful guidelines to tanka writing put together by FanStory instructor Ray Griffin. I realise that some of my tanka this year have not always come up to this standard, but I promise to try harder in future. Here are those guidelines.
1. The haiku-like first three lines establish an EXTERNAL FOCUS often through the use of nature to set the tone and tenor for the tanka. The first two lines should be grammatically connected.
2. The last two lines serve to deliver EMOTIVE IMPACT to the reader. These lines should be grammatically connected.
3. The third line of the tanka must SERVE AS A SATORI on the first two lines AS WELL AS A PIVOT to begin the last two lines. It is this feature of tanka that most often fails in entries for FanStory tanka contests.
4. Tanka may not exceed 31 syllables but it may have fewer in short/long/short/long/long format.
5. Personification, metaphor, simile are permitted in tanka. Note wording here. This does not mean their presence is essential
6. Capitalisation and punctuation should be used only when necessary. i.e. proper nouns etc.
7. No end rhymes.
8. Alliteration should be avoided, or used sparingly if deployed.
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Thank you for the enlightenment. If I knew how I would change my review to 5 stars.
There is still one little problem in your title should the farmer's horse.
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The site does not allow for quotes in the title or notes. I am on an iPhone due to disability. I did what most people do and left the apostrophe out. The fanstory gremlin likes to insert garbage where it finds quotes in the title or notes. You don?t need to change it for me. But so you know for next time. When you click on the title again, it will take you to the review you did. It will leave the rating blank. You could pick a different rating.
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I have changed the rating to 5 stars. Thanks for all your information re: Tonka.
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Thank you That is sweet of you. By the way the instructor on this site is Jim (Pantygynt) in case you want to know. He is the Tanka expert. Gloria... is expert on everything. She is by far the best poet on this site.
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Thanks for taking the time. Learn something new everyday.
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That is what we?re all here. To help each other
Comment from A. Willow Bends
Very nicely done. I love the words and the painting both. Molds together perfectly. I live among Amish communities and you've captured the essence of it. Even though the Amish are not very "colorful", your artwork is, but not "fancy" as they would put it. It conveys the hard work well and your poem . . . well can't improve upon that. It is exact. Great job and Good Luck.
Wendy
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Very nicely done. I love the words and the painting both. Molds together perfectly. I live among Amish communities and you've captured the essence of it. Even though the Amish are not very "colorful", your artwork is, but not "fancy" as they would put it. It conveys the hard work well and your poem . . . well can't improve upon that. It is exact. Great job and Good Luck.
Wendy
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Thank you Wendy for a great review
Comment from dragonpoet
You are proficient in two arts poetry and painting. I like how this states that the Amish are keeping the old fashioned ways. Harvest and food transfer from field to store would take so much longer and some food would probably rot on the way if all farmers did it this way.
Keep writing and Happy New Year.
Joan
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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You are proficient in two arts poetry and painting. I like how this states that the Amish are keeping the old fashioned ways. Harvest and food transfer from field to store would take so much longer and some food would probably rot on the way if all farmers did it this way.
Keep writing and Happy New Year.
Joan
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Thank you Joan for your lovely review. Happy New Year! I will be posting far less next year.
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My pleasure, Pam.
Sorry to hear that.
Joan
Comment from jenintorre
I love your old Amish man in his suspenders. He does really look like he's having trouble controlling the horse. Great painting, very descriptive tanka. Best wishes. Jen. X
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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I love your old Amish man in his suspenders. He does really look like he's having trouble controlling the horse. Great painting, very descriptive tanka. Best wishes. Jen. X
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Thank you Jen for your wonderful review
Comment from TPAC
I like the ingredients you selected in this particular write, disclosing its told event in a nice flow, descriptive account of past farming a job. Suggest: mightily pulls plow, all in my opinion of this write.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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I like the ingredients you selected in this particular write, disclosing its told event in a nice flow, descriptive account of past farming a job. Suggest: mightily pulls plow, all in my opinion of this write.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Hi TPAC. Thank you for your suggestion and lovely review. Happy New Year. I will be posting far less next year
Comment from Tirza Savellano
This is a short yet magnificent piece. The image combined with the poem designs a wonderful, beautiful work of art. It certainly deserves high praise. Well done!
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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This is a short yet magnificent piece. The image combined with the poem designs a wonderful, beautiful work of art. It certainly deserves high praise. Well done!
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Thank you Tirza for a wonderful review. Happy New Year!
Comment from lyenochka
Like that painting, Pam! The horse does look very strong and I like the alliterative "pulls plow mightily." And what a contrast with the farmer who needs to keep himself together with suspenders.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Like that painting, Pam! The horse does look very strong and I like the alliterative "pulls plow mightily." And what a contrast with the farmer who needs to keep himself together with suspenders.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 27-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 28-Dec-2018
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Hi Helen. Happy New Year! Thank you for your wonderful review. I will be posting far less next year
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Sorry to hear. I was thinking of you as I was planning a word blurb. I'll try to get that out in this year. Hugs!
