The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 31 "The Journey to Phuket"A Novel
27 total reviews
Comment from Spitfire
First of all, congrats on placing in the book of the month club. I see a lot of your poetry devices in this chapter. My favorite paragraph:
"The ceiling fan in Dave's room struggled...The poor thing was clearly in its death throes, so I put it out of its misery, submerging it with the toilet brush.
A lot of humor in the scene where Pete tries to get into Kayla's upper bunk. Also her attempts to imitate the accent. Best chapter yet. And I like your new picture.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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First of all, congrats on placing in the book of the month club. I see a lot of your poetry devices in this chapter. My favorite paragraph:
"The ceiling fan in Dave's room struggled...The poor thing was clearly in its death throes, so I put it out of its misery, submerging it with the toilet brush.
A lot of humor in the scene where Pete tries to get into Kayla's upper bunk. Also her attempts to imitate the accent. Best chapter yet. And I like your new picture.
Comment Written 16-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Very many thanks for your review, Shari, and for the sixth star. Delighted that you think this is such a good chapter. Most encouraging. Thanks, too, for your congratulations re Book of the Month placing. My best wishes to you for the holiday season. Tony
Comment from Ulla
Hi Tony, so Kayla's story is unfolding. They're on their way to Phuket and she has to fight off any advances, especially from Dave, and she succeeds. Not much happening but that's how it is. A chapter to carry the story along. And now to Phuket. Great story telling and writing. All best. Ulla:))
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Hi Tony, so Kayla's story is unfolding. They're on their way to Phuket and she has to fight off any advances, especially from Dave, and she succeeds. Not much happening but that's how it is. A chapter to carry the story along. And now to Phuket. Great story telling and writing. All best. Ulla:))
Comment Written 16-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Very many thanks for your review, Ulla, and for the sixth star. My best wishes to you for the holiday season. Tony
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Best wishes for the holidays to you and yours as well. Ulla:))
Comment from Pearl Edwards
Great scene in the railway carriage with the Aussie yobbos, and the closeness of the sisters as Helen consoles Kayla during the telling of this episode.Good chapter Tony, this story is moving along nicely,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
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Great scene in the railway carriage with the Aussie yobbos, and the closeness of the sisters as Helen consoles Kayla during the telling of this episode.Good chapter Tony, this story is moving along nicely,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 16-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
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Thanks fir your continued support, Valda. Appreciated. Best wishes, tony
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Tony;
>There is a lot to cover here. You guard Dave is a drunkard who crawls into an up above bunk, drunk, -and as Charles rolls over And accidentally pushes Dave off the punk and onto the floor crashing, but only hurting his leg.
>Meanwhile they arrive at Phun The girls Wanted to camp outside, but the boys offered them a spot at the Queen's Hotel, to Share a room.
>Just a quick synopsis
> Always interesting is the loving relationship between Kayla and Helen if you wrote a very touching scene of them holding each other and kind of metamorphically intertwining themselves emotionally.
> Thanks for sharing this, Tony, take care and have a good and I really enjoyed it.
> You and your lovely family have a very Merry Christmas and a happy new your my friend.
Alx
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
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Cheers, Tony;
>There is a lot to cover here. You guard Dave is a drunkard who crawls into an up above bunk, drunk, -and as Charles rolls over And accidentally pushes Dave off the punk and onto the floor crashing, but only hurting his leg.
>Meanwhile they arrive at Phun The girls Wanted to camp outside, but the boys offered them a spot at the Queen's Hotel, to Share a room.
>Just a quick synopsis
> Always interesting is the loving relationship between Kayla and Helen if you wrote a very touching scene of them holding each other and kind of metamorphically intertwining themselves emotionally.
> Thanks for sharing this, Tony, take care and have a good and I really enjoyed it.
> You and your lovely family have a very Merry Christmas and a happy new your my friend.
Alx
Comment Written 16-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
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Thanks fir your continued support, Alx. Appreciated. Glad you enjoyed the scene between Kayla and Helen. Best wishes, tony
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You're very welcome, Tony.
Alx
Comment from Lady Jane
Oh, my. How I wish I had a 6 for you. This one is deserving of one. I am loving learning your lingo, dear. I reread some so I can catch the true meaning, lol. I live in America so your slang is quite entertaining and fun to read :) I am enjoying this and think I am a few chapters behind and will need to probably work backwards. I've been AWOL for a week or so. Excellent dialogue and description throughout entire piece. I LOVE the drunk falling out of the 'bed' portion. I found that hilarious, LOL...I watched this entire installment unfold in my head and that's tribute to a good writer. Keep em coming, dear
Janelle
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
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Oh, my. How I wish I had a 6 for you. This one is deserving of one. I am loving learning your lingo, dear. I reread some so I can catch the true meaning, lol. I live in America so your slang is quite entertaining and fun to read :) I am enjoying this and think I am a few chapters behind and will need to probably work backwards. I've been AWOL for a week or so. Excellent dialogue and description throughout entire piece. I LOVE the drunk falling out of the 'bed' portion. I found that hilarious, LOL...I watched this entire installment unfold in my head and that's tribute to a good writer. Keep em coming, dear
Janelle
Comment Written 15-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
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Thanks fir your continued support, Janelle, and the virtual six. Glad you are enjoying this so far.. Best wishes, tony
Comment from Adri7enne
Getting the story told, Tony. It removes some of the tension to have the protagonist telling the story, even in dialogue. We know the character made it to here. Tough to tell a tale that's already happened. You're doing a good job at handling a hard bit of story telling.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Getting the story told, Tony. It removes some of the tension to have the protagonist telling the story, even in dialogue. We know the character made it to here. Tough to tell a tale that's already happened. You're doing a good job at handling a hard bit of story telling.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Thanks again for another review, Adrienne. Yes, I've boxed myself into a corner a bit here with the POV. Having the story told by one of the characters is much more demanding than I had anticipated.
Comment from kiwijenny
I immersed myself in this. You are a great poet and I'm beginning to think just as good a novelist.
So glad you are writing a novel. This is the only way I read novels lately. So glad you are here
God bless and Merry Christmas
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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I immersed myself in this. You are a great poet and I'm beginning to think just as good a novelist.
So glad you are writing a novel. This is the only way I read novels lately. So glad you are here
God bless and Merry Christmas
Comment Written 15-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Very many thanks for your review, Jenny. Glad you are still enjoying the novel. My best wishes to you for the holiday season. Tony
Comment from barbara.wilkey
Oh my!! I'm wondering what will happen Phuket. You keep me is suspense. I keep trying to figure it out but you're always one step ahead. Great job.
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Oh my!! I'm wondering what will happen Phuket. You keep me is suspense. I keep trying to figure it out but you're always one step ahead. Great job.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 20-Dec-2018
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Very many thanks for your review, Joan. I'm not sure that I have entirely worked out what is going to happen in Phuket yet! My best wishes to you for the holiday season. Tony
Comment from lyenochka
Great job with continuing with Kayla's story and building up a rapport between Kayla and Charles, the understanding listener.
Suggestions:
"Who knows what was running through their minds as they clung, each to the other, sharing the mutual sustenance and support that only a close family member can give?" (Suggest to make this into two sentences by the time I got to the end I was wondering why there was a question mark.
"Too bloody right you will, I thought. (This one starts with a quote but there's not end quote. Some writers just put thoughts into italics and don't bother with the quotes.)
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Great job with continuing with Kayla's story and building up a rapport between Kayla and Charles, the understanding listener.
Suggestions:
"Who knows what was running through their minds as they clung, each to the other, sharing the mutual sustenance and support that only a close family member can give?" (Suggest to make this into two sentences by the time I got to the end I was wondering why there was a question mark.
"Too bloody right you will, I thought. (This one starts with a quote but there's not end quote. Some writers just put thoughts into italics and don't bother with the quotes.)
Comment Written 15-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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The quotes in this are a bit hard to follow as most of the chapter is a spoken monologue by Kayla, with quotation marks at the beginning of each paragraph but only at the end if someone else chips in or if there is an action tag breaking the story.
Thanks for the tip about the elongated question. I shall prune it!
Comment from Sugarray77
You have done a really good job with the descriptions here. Each paragraph is constructed to keep the reader wanting more details.... not so much of the scudzy Dave, but of the foreign atmosphere in this write. Good job.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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You have done a really good job with the descriptions here. Each paragraph is constructed to keep the reader wanting more details.... not so much of the scudzy Dave, but of the foreign atmosphere in this write. Good job.
Comment Written 15-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Many thanks for your review, Melissa. I appreciate your comments. All the best, Tony.
