Wondering
A simple puzzlement by chance41 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Vance. I read this through a couple of times to be sure to get the gist of it. To impart the message, if that is your intent, I think punctuation is needed for clarity. Otherwise, much is taken away from this piece. Marilyn
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Hi Vance. I read this through a couple of times to be sure to get the gist of it. To impart the message, if that is your intent, I think punctuation is needed for clarity. Otherwise, much is taken away from this piece. Marilyn
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Thanks so much Marilyn, for your lovely review and generous stars, so sincerely appreciated! Vance
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Vance,
Life really is a puzzle and I often find myself wondering about the things you mentioned here.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas,
Patty
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Hi, Vance,
Life really is a puzzle and I often find myself wondering about the things you mentioned here.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
I hope you have a wonderful Christmas,
Patty
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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thanks sincerely Patty for your lovely review and stars, so sincerely appreciated always! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from kahpot
It is a bit of a riddle, I had to read it a few times as I thought I may or may not have missed something, an excellent read on how we or some people look at and wander through life, very well written****kahpot
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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It is a bit of a riddle, I had to read it a few times as I thought I may or may not have missed something, an excellent read on how we or some people look at and wander through life, very well written****kahpot
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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thanks so much kahpot, for your lovely review and generous stars, so sincerely appreciated! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from royowen
A fantastic write dear Vance, your wisdom living under the auspices and wings of the mighty Holy Spirit fill you with His incredible wisdom I'm sure, and gives you sage an wonderful things to say, well dine, great prose my friend, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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A fantastic write dear Vance, your wisdom living under the auspices and wings of the mighty Holy Spirit fill you with His incredible wisdom I'm sure, and gives you sage an wonderful things to say, well dine, great prose my friend, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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OH my! thanks, so very much brother Roy, for your truly generous stars and uplifting, encouraging review so sincerely and greatly appreciated! you have indeed made my day! Blessings always. Vance
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Well deserved my friend
Comment from lyenochka
Thanks for sharing your reflections, Vance. I especially liked your nature metaphors such as the "garden of goodwill," "winds of maybe" and the "slippery rains of chance." There's always uncertainty but God is faithful and reliable.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Thanks for sharing your reflections, Vance. I especially liked your nature metaphors such as the "garden of goodwill," "winds of maybe" and the "slippery rains of chance." There's always uncertainty but God is faithful and reliable.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Thanks lyenochka, for your lovely review and generous stars, so sincerely appreciated! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from rama devi
My dear Vance--I always cherish reading your posts because of the deep authenticity and spirituality in your view of life.
Life is a riddle indeed...as long as the mind asks questions. However, when the mind is still and at perfect peace, there are no more riddles!
This sounds great read aloud. The timing and rhyming is great audible. but, visually, the flow is hampered by lack of punctuation in some spots and inaccurate choices in others, making the reader have to work to follow the sentence mechanics and thus the meaning. I suggest also adding at least one line break so it reads like two prose paragraphs. Additionally, there are spag nits, noted below with this example edit (with above advice):
Meaning and intention blossoms(blossom) in the garden of goodwill as the strength of promise,(no ,) wrestles with the constant winds of maybe(,) strong or still, and how the grip of commitment holds against the slippery rain of chance whilst(,) here in life(,) we gladly dance to the music of romance, with dreams of better moments(,) days(,) and years, that promise smiles of pleasure more than tears.
Ah yes(,) indeed(,) we truly ride upon the winds of fate that call the scores of ok(ay,) good(,) or perhaps even great, that make us smile or cry in desperation for lack of strength l (delete stray L) to rule our situation we find at any day or any date. Wondering if we were just too soon or just too late? s(S)o roll the dice of life once more again to see if we shall lose or we shall win. One day(--)or even moment(--)may endure(...)may grant us just enough to be quite sure.
With edits, it would read thus:
Meaning and intention blossom in the garden of goodwill as the strength of promise wrestles with the constant winds of maybe, strong or still, and how the grip of commitment holds against the slippery rain of chance whilst, here in life, we gladly dance to the music of romance, with dreams of better moments, days, and years, that promise smiles of pleasure more than tears.
Ah yes, indeed we truly ride upon the winds of fate that call the scores of okay, good, or perhaps even great, that make us smile or cry in desperation for lack of strength to rule our situation we find at any day or any date. Wondering if we were just too soon or just too late? So roll the dice of life once more again to see if we shall lose or we shall win. One day--or even moment--may endure...may grant us just enough to be quite sure.
In addition to the above edits, I recommend playing around with form to sculpt phrasing in a more poetic manner with line breaks for pause effect and to accentuate certain phrases and make a deliver that does not read like prose (this is optional, of course, as prose poetry is also a style!) But since we are good friends, I feel you won't mind if I take the liberty to experiment with an example free verse formatting using line breaks...
Meaning and intention blossom
in the garden of goodwill
as the strength of promise wrestles
with the constant winds of maybe,
strong or still,
and how the grip of commitment holds
against the slippery rain of chance whilst,
here in life,
we gladly dance to the music of romance,
with dreams of better moments, days, and years,
that promise smiles of pleasure more than tears.
Ah yes, indeed, we truly ride
upon the winds of fate
that call the scores of okay, good,
or perhaps even great,
that make us smile or cry in desperation
for lack of strength to rule our situation
we find at any day or any date.
Wondering if we were just too soon or just too late?
So roll the dice of life once more again
to see if we shall lose or we shall win.
One day--or even moment--may endure...
may grant us just enough to be quite sure.
And you can sculpt cadence and inflection even further, too, using indents! Example with the above and indents added (so you can compare---but the line breaks and indents can by anywhere, not necessarily as I have them):
Meaning and intention blossom
in the garden of goodwill
as the strength of promise wrestles
with the constant winds of maybe,
strong or still,
and how the grip of commitment holds
against the slippery rain of chance whilst,
here in life,
we gladly dance to the music of romance,
with dreams of better moments, days, and years,
that promise smiles of pleasure more than tears.
Ah yes, indeed, we truly ride
upon the winds of fate
that call the scores of okay, good,
or perhaps even great,
that make us smile or cry in desperation
for lack of strength to rule our situation
we find at any day or any date.
Wondering if we were just too soon or just too late?
So roll the dice of life once more again
to see if we shall lose or we shall win.
One day--or even moment--may endure...
may grant us just enough to be quite sure.
Love and blessings! May your roll of the dice bring bliss, peace and happiness!
rd
PS five stars in advance...
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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My dear Vance--I always cherish reading your posts because of the deep authenticity and spirituality in your view of life.
Life is a riddle indeed...as long as the mind asks questions. However, when the mind is still and at perfect peace, there are no more riddles!
This sounds great read aloud. The timing and rhyming is great audible. but, visually, the flow is hampered by lack of punctuation in some spots and inaccurate choices in others, making the reader have to work to follow the sentence mechanics and thus the meaning. I suggest also adding at least one line break so it reads like two prose paragraphs. Additionally, there are spag nits, noted below with this example edit (with above advice):
Meaning and intention blossoms(blossom) in the garden of goodwill as the strength of promise,(no ,) wrestles with the constant winds of maybe(,) strong or still, and how the grip of commitment holds against the slippery rain of chance whilst(,) here in life(,) we gladly dance to the music of romance, with dreams of better moments(,) days(,) and years, that promise smiles of pleasure more than tears.
Ah yes(,) indeed(,) we truly ride upon the winds of fate that call the scores of ok(ay,) good(,) or perhaps even great, that make us smile or cry in desperation for lack of strength l (delete stray L) to rule our situation we find at any day or any date. Wondering if we were just too soon or just too late? s(S)o roll the dice of life once more again to see if we shall lose or we shall win. One day(--)or even moment(--)may endure(...)may grant us just enough to be quite sure.
With edits, it would read thus:
Meaning and intention blossom in the garden of goodwill as the strength of promise wrestles with the constant winds of maybe, strong or still, and how the grip of commitment holds against the slippery rain of chance whilst, here in life, we gladly dance to the music of romance, with dreams of better moments, days, and years, that promise smiles of pleasure more than tears.
Ah yes, indeed we truly ride upon the winds of fate that call the scores of okay, good, or perhaps even great, that make us smile or cry in desperation for lack of strength to rule our situation we find at any day or any date. Wondering if we were just too soon or just too late? So roll the dice of life once more again to see if we shall lose or we shall win. One day--or even moment--may endure...may grant us just enough to be quite sure.
In addition to the above edits, I recommend playing around with form to sculpt phrasing in a more poetic manner with line breaks for pause effect and to accentuate certain phrases and make a deliver that does not read like prose (this is optional, of course, as prose poetry is also a style!) But since we are good friends, I feel you won't mind if I take the liberty to experiment with an example free verse formatting using line breaks...
Meaning and intention blossom
in the garden of goodwill
as the strength of promise wrestles
with the constant winds of maybe,
strong or still,
and how the grip of commitment holds
against the slippery rain of chance whilst,
here in life,
we gladly dance to the music of romance,
with dreams of better moments, days, and years,
that promise smiles of pleasure more than tears.
Ah yes, indeed, we truly ride
upon the winds of fate
that call the scores of okay, good,
or perhaps even great,
that make us smile or cry in desperation
for lack of strength to rule our situation
we find at any day or any date.
Wondering if we were just too soon or just too late?
So roll the dice of life once more again
to see if we shall lose or we shall win.
One day--or even moment--may endure...
may grant us just enough to be quite sure.
And you can sculpt cadence and inflection even further, too, using indents! Example with the above and indents added (so you can compare---but the line breaks and indents can by anywhere, not necessarily as I have them):
Meaning and intention blossom
in the garden of goodwill
as the strength of promise wrestles
with the constant winds of maybe,
strong or still,
and how the grip of commitment holds
against the slippery rain of chance whilst,
here in life,
we gladly dance to the music of romance,
with dreams of better moments, days, and years,
that promise smiles of pleasure more than tears.
Ah yes, indeed, we truly ride
upon the winds of fate
that call the scores of okay, good,
or perhaps even great,
that make us smile or cry in desperation
for lack of strength to rule our situation
we find at any day or any date.
Wondering if we were just too soon or just too late?
So roll the dice of life once more again
to see if we shall lose or we shall win.
One day--or even moment--may endure...
may grant us just enough to be quite sure.
Love and blessings! May your roll of the dice bring bliss, peace and happiness!
rd
PS five stars in advance...
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Oh dearest rama, my beloved angel of guidance and goodwill, I pray that I will be able to slow down, concentrate better, and consider the bumps and stumbles created by the urgency of my mind and fingers on the keyboard. Bless you for taking the time to reflect upon my shortcomings and please bear with me as I promise to think of YOU, whenever my fingers approach the keys! Love always! Vance
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:-)))) xxoo
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Thank you so much my dearly beloved and always wonderful, kind and blessed in all you do! I truly appreciate VANCE
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You too, dear Vance! :-)))
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Vance
I agree our lives at times are like riddles
and I myself sometimes wonder why
things happen and how many times
my life reflects like a confusing riddle
where I don't know the answer.
That is where I need the strength as you said so well
I need to do is l to rule our situation we find at any day or any date Gert
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Hello Vance
I agree our lives at times are like riddles
and I myself sometimes wonder why
things happen and how many times
my life reflects like a confusing riddle
where I don't know the answer.
That is where I need the strength as you said so well
I need to do is l to rule our situation we find at any day or any date Gert
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Bless you, my dear sweet friend, for your lovely review and stars, always cherished, as are you too! love Vance
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You are so welcome Vance Gert
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Oh dearest Gert, thanks so much for your always kind messages, so very much appreciated! love always! Vance
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Thanks Gert and I've had so many reviews suggesting I improve the poetic delivery on this one, so I'm truly delighted that you enjoyed it! Vance
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You are welcome Vance keep writing friend.
Gert
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/Dearest Gert...I just think GOD wants to keep us on our toes as often as on our knees! at least!! love! VAnce
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Smiles Vance you are right it would be on how God keeps me on my toes, I'm unable to knell, I wouldn't be able to get up
Gert
Comment from jmshumate
Good job on this, it is a very interesting poem giving the reader much to think about, just like life does. There are so many mysteries to life, always something to consider , whys? what's? When's and how's? Sometimes we get answers sometimes not. I go by the rule that if I'm still breathing there is still purpose for my life, and I try to remember not to quit five minutes before the miracle happens. Guess what the miracle happened every second I draw breath because life itself is a miracle! Thank you for sharing this and invoking my mind!
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Good job on this, it is a very interesting poem giving the reader much to think about, just like life does. There are so many mysteries to life, always something to consider , whys? what's? When's and how's? Sometimes we get answers sometimes not. I go by the rule that if I'm still breathing there is still purpose for my life, and I try to remember not to quit five minutes before the miracle happens. Guess what the miracle happened every second I draw breath because life itself is a miracle! Thank you for sharing this and invoking my mind!
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
-
Thank you sincerely jmshumate, for your generous stars and review, so sincerely appreciated! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from Sally Law
So poetic and deep, your grayness! I enjoyed this very much. I wish my musings were this coherent. I am in a dancing mood today as I get ready for my holiday party this weekend. I love games, and my husband and I have a few fun ones planned. I hope you are full of Christmas joy, rejoicing in our Savior"s birth.
All my best,
Sally
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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So poetic and deep, your grayness! I enjoyed this very much. I wish my musings were this coherent. I am in a dancing mood today as I get ready for my holiday party this weekend. I love games, and my husband and I have a few fun ones planned. I hope you are full of Christmas joy, rejoicing in our Savior"s birth.
All my best,
Sally
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Dear Sally, you are always a delight and your review and stars are sincerely appreciated. Stay close please! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Love what you have to say here .... the message itself it just wonderful, but the format does not fit that of a free verse poem. In its present formatting, it looks like a paragraph and the reader tends to try to follow it with grammar rules and such rather than to view it as a poem....perhaps you could go in an add some 'free verse' formatting by grouping some phrases and adding line returns....the link below is a link to some free verse writes although I'm pretty sure there are better examples from the talented poets right here on FanStory. :) ;) https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-free-verse-poems.html
Think it would really make an awesome free verse poem! :) :) Thank you for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
 |
Love what you have to say here .... the message itself it just wonderful, but the format does not fit that of a free verse poem. In its present formatting, it looks like a paragraph and the reader tends to try to follow it with grammar rules and such rather than to view it as a poem....perhaps you could go in an add some 'free verse' formatting by grouping some phrases and adding line returns....the link below is a link to some free verse writes although I'm pretty sure there are better examples from the talented poets right here on FanStory. :) ;) https://examples.yourdictionary.com/examples-of-free-verse-poems.html
Think it would really make an awesome free verse poem! :) :) Thank you for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 15-Dec-2018
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Thanks YM, Roger, for your meaningful review and advice, much appreciated! Sincerely! HIS GRAYNESS; Vance
