Tanka (clumsy hands)
an observation20 total reviews
Comment from poetwatch
Everyone has an older relative that is forgotten, mainly because today's generation is tending only to number one which is themselves. Time is changing for the young will also grow old. Let's hope they are not forgotten.
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2018
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Everyone has an older relative that is forgotten, mainly because today's generation is tending only to number one which is themselves. Time is changing for the young will also grow old. Let's hope they are not forgotten.
Comment Written 13-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2018
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Thanks so much... I am so glad you see the message within the poem. I really appreciate your review!!!
Melissa
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Melissa,
Great photo to go with this intricate tanka. I love the thought process in this one. I always appreciate your notes about the poetic form - they are often easier to understand than the ones on Poetry Dances,
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2018
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Hi, Melissa,
Great photo to go with this intricate tanka. I love the thought process in this one. I always appreciate your notes about the poetic form - they are often easier to understand than the ones on Poetry Dances,
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 13-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 13-Dec-2018
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Thank you very much, dear Patty. I always like to see explanations too...
Melissa
Comment from LIJ Red
I am 74, and live alone out in the boonies, and intend to do so until your tanka comes true....unless my fantasy of being shot by a jealous husband comes to pass.
Excellent tanka, as far as I know...
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2018
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I am 74, and live alone out in the boonies, and intend to do so until your tanka comes true....unless my fantasy of being shot by a jealous husband comes to pass.
Excellent tanka, as far as I know...
Comment Written 12-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2018
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Well, I must say, you are a vibrant and very active man.... and I am sure you will never fade.... Thanks so much for the review.
Melissa
Comment from rama devi
Poignant and well depicted. True to form and well presented. Impacting tanka. Superb consonance of L nd S in almost all lines, plus consonance of W in line two. Superb assonance of O in the first two lines. Poignant pivot line. Powerful closing observation:
no one nearby to see
their silent desperation
Great tanka!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2018
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Poignant and well depicted. True to form and well presented. Impacting tanka. Superb consonance of L nd S in almost all lines, plus consonance of W in line two. Superb assonance of O in the first two lines. Poignant pivot line. Powerful closing observation:
no one nearby to see
their silent desperation
Great tanka!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 12-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2018
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Thank you very much, Rama. I sincerely appreciate your comments. I just had this on my heart and needed to share it so the elderly are not forgotten. Thanks a bunch!!
Melissa
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:-))) xxoo
Comment from CD Richards
Firstly, to your author notes -- a good suggestion, one worth bearing in mind. I get mad enough at myself for not being able to do many things I could do a couple of decades ago, or being a lot more clumsy at them; and yet, I'm still fairly able-bodied. I can imagine how it must feel for the elderly who have trouble with simple mechanical tasks. Almost as if their body is betraying them. Good job with this, best of luck in the contest. Craig
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2018
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Firstly, to your author notes -- a good suggestion, one worth bearing in mind. I get mad enough at myself for not being able to do many things I could do a couple of decades ago, or being a lot more clumsy at them; and yet, I'm still fairly able-bodied. I can imagine how it must feel for the elderly who have trouble with simple mechanical tasks. Almost as if their body is betraying them. Good job with this, best of luck in the contest. Craig
Comment Written 12-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 12-Dec-2018
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Thank you very much, Craig!
Melissa
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
My heart really loves elderly people. Your poem really speaks to me. I lost my dad in 2017 and I ache when I see older men that remind me of him. I agree, we need to understand their need to be included, remembered, and celebrated. Also, the needy. Your photo is heart wrenching. I'm also at a sad moment today... anniversary of my mom's funeral. I guess your poem resonates with every emotional aspect of my being today. :) God bless...
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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My heart really loves elderly people. Your poem really speaks to me. I lost my dad in 2017 and I ache when I see older men that remind me of him. I agree, we need to understand their need to be included, remembered, and celebrated. Also, the needy. Your photo is heart wrenching. I'm also at a sad moment today... anniversary of my mom's funeral. I guess your poem resonates with every emotional aspect of my being today. :) God bless...
Comment Written 11-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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Oh, my goodness. I am so sorry that you have lost your parents. How very sad. I lost my mom a few months ago and, maybe, that is why I wrote this. I am heading into the holidays and I know it will be hard and so sad. Thanks for sharing with me, I really mean that!!!
Melissa
Comment from judiverse
This is poignant and so true. Many overlook the silent desperation of the elderly. At Christmas, especially, they should be remembered. I believe there are organizations that work to see that the elderly will be included in Christmas celebrations. My husband is president of some nursing homes and a retirement center, and they do a great job of seeing that the residents have special activities and programs to entertain them. Your adjectives and adverb "awkwardly" help to characterize the elderly. judi
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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This is poignant and so true. Many overlook the silent desperation of the elderly. At Christmas, especially, they should be remembered. I believe there are organizations that work to see that the elderly will be included in Christmas celebrations. My husband is president of some nursing homes and a retirement center, and they do a great job of seeing that the residents have special activities and programs to entertain them. Your adjectives and adverb "awkwardly" help to characterize the elderly. judi
Comment Written 11-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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Oh, Judi, please hug your husband a thousand times for overseeing the needs of those that need care. The elderly are so often overlooked. I lost mom in August and she was at a fabulous facility, but still the loss of mom..... Thanks for sharing a wonderful review with me.
Melissa
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You're welcome. The facilities I mentioned have great, caring staff. LPNs and NAs are very much in demand, so I believe the pay is pretty competitive due to the competition. They certainly earn their pay. judi
Comment from Mistydawn
You're right a lot of elderly will be forgotten for one reason or another. Your poem is well written, very descriptive, yet a heartbreaking part of life.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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You're right a lot of elderly will be forgotten for one reason or another. Your poem is well written, very descriptive, yet a heartbreaking part of life.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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Yes, it is true that the quiet and shy ones get overlooked. May they all find their families attentive and loving this holiday!!
Melissa
Comment from lyenochka
Great last line about the "silent desperation." You are so right that we need to include the elderly or do something to make them feel less lonely. The difficulty is that they are often unwilling or not well enough to socialize. One has to go to their place of comfort.
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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Great last line about the "silent desperation." You are so right that we need to include the elderly or do something to make them feel less lonely. The difficulty is that they are often unwilling or not well enough to socialize. One has to go to their place of comfort.
Comment Written 11-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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So true, Helen. I feel like doing things for them does require extra work and time that is so scarce. But, that is where my heart is and it just flowed out... I truly appreciate your comments and review.
Melissa
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
This reminds me of me Melissa! He he he, I am often clumsy and fumbling! thankfully I am not desperate yet! He he he, your words are heartfelt and I am with you with your sentiments here, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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This reminds me of me Melissa! He he he, I am often clumsy and fumbling! thankfully I am not desperate yet! He he he, your words are heartfelt and I am with you with your sentiments here, love Dolly x
Comment Written 11-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 11-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much!! I appreciate your comments about this poem. I hope we can all hold close the elderly that are in our families and friendships.
But you, Dolly, are not elderly!!! You write such vibrant verse!!
Regards,
Melissa
