Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 107 "Chapter Zweiunddreissig part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
20 total reviews
Comment from giraffmang
I see you changed the kitten's name. Cool.
Walking to the living room, Shana sat in comfortable chair - in a comfortable?
"Are you worried, I'll hurt you emotionally?" - comma may not be necessary here.
"His name is Hebrew for 'a messenger from Jehovah.' Shana smiled. - need closing speech marks here, at present only the quote is closed off.
Anderson's eyebrow's widened. - not sure about widened here, and no apostrophe for eyebrows.
Looks like things are ramping up again.
I think I've said this before but I believe you could be posting about twice as much and it wouldn't affect your readership.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
  |
I see you changed the kitten's name. Cool.
Walking to the living room, Shana sat in comfortable chair - in a comfortable?
"Are you worried, I'll hurt you emotionally?" - comma may not be necessary here.
"His name is Hebrew for 'a messenger from Jehovah.' Shana smiled. - need closing speech marks here, at present only the quote is closed off.
Anderson's eyebrow's widened. - not sure about widened here, and no apostrophe for eyebrows.
Looks like things are ramping up again.
I think I've said this before but I believe you could be posting about twice as much and it wouldn't affect your readership.
All the best
G
Comment Written 10-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 16-Dec-2018
-
I was going to put two posts together but it's the end of the chapter. Hopefully I'll do it next week. I have made the changes and appreciate the help.
Comment from Katchoo Ledeux
This was a good read. Here's some nits:
"He's a cat?" Anderson's eyes widened. - Was this intended to be a question?
"Are you worried, I'll hurt you emotionally?" - I think this would read better without the comma
He petted Malachi's head. - I believe "pet" would be more grammatically correct
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2018
|
This was a good read. Here's some nits:
"He's a cat?" Anderson's eyes widened. - Was this intended to be a question?
"Are you worried, I'll hurt you emotionally?" - I think this would read better without the comma
He petted Malachi's head. - I believe "pet" would be more grammatically correct
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 10-Dec-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from SLMorrical
This is very good. It flows right from the other chapter very well. I could just see the body language that Shana gave Anderson when she wouldn't answer the question about the Jewish/Gentle issue. Writing body language I think is hard but you did it very well. I am curious to find out if her fears are confounded. I love reading your writing and I have learn so much from you on writing. Very well done.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
 |
This is very good. It flows right from the other chapter very well. I could just see the body language that Shana gave Anderson when she wouldn't answer the question about the Jewish/Gentle issue. Writing body language I think is hard but you did it very well. I am curious to find out if her fears are confounded. I love reading your writing and I have learn so much from you on writing. Very well done.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
-
I appreciate the generous review.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
In the midst of the stress, there's the tenderness and humor about the kitten. Your characters stay in form well. I like the tension between the characters too. You've used your allusions in a fun way. You invite the reader to want to read the next chapter. Well developed.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
|
In the midst of the stress, there's the tenderness and humor about the kitten. Your characters stay in form well. I like the tension between the characters too. You've used your allusions in a fun way. You invite the reader to want to read the next chapter. Well developed.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Barb
I'm worried about Anderson of long he can keep his patience to find our what Shana so scared of.
I believe something unexpected will take place then, she will find the right key to open her unknown fearful door. Gert
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
|
Barb
I'm worried about Anderson of long he can keep his patience to find our what Shana so scared of.
I believe something unexpected will take place then, she will find the right key to open her unknown fearful door. Gert
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
-
I have a feeling she will too. Thank you for the kind review.
-
You are welcome Barb Gert
Comment from judiverse
This is excellent and carefully crafted. Shana keeps changing the subject when Drew brings up their relationship. She uses the kitten as a distraction. It's a wonder Drew hasn't given up on her already. It seems that Benjamin is behind a lot of her worries about marrying out of the Jewish faith. He seems to have quite a hold on her, and I think you might need to bring that out more. You introduced Benjamin earlier so we got the idea that he's pretty old fashioned, but you might have some recollection from Shana or something to re-emphasize his influence on her. She's 25 years old and should be deciding for herself. Maybe you have some event in mind that will make her decide to confront her father about her feelings. The scene is interrupted by news of the fire. You always keep things stirring. Great work. judi
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
|
This is excellent and carefully crafted. Shana keeps changing the subject when Drew brings up their relationship. She uses the kitten as a distraction. It's a wonder Drew hasn't given up on her already. It seems that Benjamin is behind a lot of her worries about marrying out of the Jewish faith. He seems to have quite a hold on her, and I think you might need to bring that out more. You introduced Benjamin earlier so we got the idea that he's pretty old fashioned, but you might have some recollection from Shana or something to re-emphasize his influence on her. She's 25 years old and should be deciding for herself. Maybe you have some event in mind that will make her decide to confront her father about her feelings. The scene is interrupted by news of the fire. You always keep things stirring. Great work. judi
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
-
Benjamin will show up again, before long. LOL I appreciate your kind review.
-
You're welcome. I hope Shana will have a sit-down with her father. He's not infallible. Maybe his thoughts will surprise her. judi
Comment from Tootsie55
Glad the SIXES are back for the week. Once again an excellent chapter. NO SPAGS. Lots of emotion building up in here. It must be hard for her to feel as she does about Drew but maintain the distance she feels is required by her beliefs. UNless she is genuinely concerned her family might cut her off?
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
|
Glad the SIXES are back for the week. Once again an excellent chapter. NO SPAGS. Lots of emotion building up in here. It must be hard for her to feel as she does about Drew but maintain the distance she feels is required by her beliefs. UNless she is genuinely concerned her family might cut her off?
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from c_lucas
Interfaith Marriages, as well as interracial ones, are geographical problematical. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
|
Interfaith Marriages, as well as interracial ones, are geographical problematical. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. There is good imagery
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
You're welcome
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara, so Shana is still holding back. Poor Drew is really being so patient. I just wonder how much longer he really can hold out. Just a suggestion. I have noticed that you use 'His eyes widened' a lot recently and now 'his brows widened'. I think you should have a look at it. Just a suggestion. All best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
|
Hi Barbara, so Shana is still holding back. Poor Drew is really being so patient. I just wonder how much longer he really can hold out. Just a suggestion. I have noticed that you use 'His eyes widened' a lot recently and now 'his brows widened'. I think you should have a look at it. Just a suggestion. All best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
-
I sure will. Thank you for the suggestion. I appreciate the help.
Comment from royowen
So Under Anderson's grilling Shana is revealing some of her deepest fears, losing her father's love is the most important thing to her, but she obviously has strong feelings for Drew also, and would quite definitely suffer regret also. So, where to from here? I think it will come to fruition, following the story, how else could she be protected? Well done Barbara, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
|
So Under Anderson's grilling Shana is revealing some of her deepest fears, losing her father's love is the most important thing to her, but she obviously has strong feelings for Drew also, and would quite definitely suffer regret also. So, where to from here? I think it will come to fruition, following the story, how else could she be protected? Well done Barbara, blessings, Roy
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review,
-
Most welcome
