Death by Delivery
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "One of the Boys"Nick takes down criminals that cost him his job.
9 total reviews
Comment from apky
Whoa! I don't think I've ever read a chapter of yours that was so full of dialogue almost throughout. Great job. See? This was why I had no dialogue, so you could take over and do it for me.
Of course it looks bad for Nick, but I don't think he'll get killed - he is the story, after all. We can't have a dead hero...
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Whoa! I don't think I've ever read a chapter of yours that was so full of dialogue almost throughout. Great job. See? This was why I had no dialogue, so you could take over and do it for me.
Of course it looks bad for Nick, but I don't think he'll get killed - he is the story, after all. We can't have a dead hero...
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your wonderful review. We could make a great team, you do the description and my chatty characters will handle the dialogue. This is why I took screenwriting classes, a while back. Dialogue comes naturally, description not so much.
I have an idea for Nick, moving forward, after this book. Remember I said I love, love, love James Patterson? Well, he has a couple of series about male detectives, I was thinking about doing somethiing simular with Nick.
Thank you again for your all your help, support, friendship, you've helped me grow so much as a writer and for that I'll always be grateful, take care.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh dear Nick has a job offer and is in big trouble with his boss. Maybe he should have thought they would notice eventually that all the OD's were his customers. Looking forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2018
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Oh dear Nick has a job offer and is in big trouble with his boss. Maybe he should have thought they would notice eventually that all the OD's were his customers. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 06-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 06-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much for your great review. Yes, Nick should've thought it out better than he did that's for sure.
Thank you again for all your help, support friendships, It means a lot to mem take care.
Comment from nancy_e_davis
Now Diaz wants to take down Nick. He has been found out so there is a hit out on him. He is a cop again, but Nick is still a murderer any way you look at it. It seems Mama's boy has come through for Diaz. It seems he was good for something after all. Good job Dawn. Nancy:)
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
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Now Diaz wants to take down Nick. He has been found out so there is a hit out on him. He is a cop again, but Nick is still a murderer any way you look at it. It seems Mama's boy has come through for Diaz. It seems he was good for something after all. Good job Dawn. Nancy:)
Comment Written 05-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much for your great review, I'm glad you enjoyed it. Nick is now a cop with a dirty past. Hopefully they won't find out what he's been up to and he can get the support, protection he needs.
Thank you again for your wonderful review, your help support and friendship. They mean a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
No, he can't kill Nick! There'd be no story without him. I do wonder why Nick was so careless that he only killed his own customers.
It would've happened if I hadn't taken their advice. <-- Do you perhaps mean wouldn't have happened?
"He likes you, Nick claims that it's too quiet without you." <-- Do you mean "He likes you, Nick. Claims that it's..."
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
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No, he can't kill Nick! There'd be no story without him. I do wonder why Nick was so careless that he only killed his own customers.
It would've happened if I hadn't taken their advice. <-- Do you perhaps mean wouldn't have happened?
"He likes you, Nick claims that it's too quiet without you." <-- Do you mean "He likes you, Nick. Claims that it's..."
Comment Written 05-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your helpful review it's greatly appreciated That's exactly what I meant. That was kind of careless of NIck, just killing his own. Guess he should've thought it through a little more.
Thank you again for your kind review, all your help, support and friendhip it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Great chapter Mistydawn
I like how you kept the conversations so interesting in the part where Smith(am I right)
was talking to Nike
And now I notice at the end of this chapter
which is leaving me in suspense when Diaz said "I want you to find that son of a bitch and kill him. I don't care how you do it, just make sure he disappears, permanently."
Now is Diaz talking about Nike? Gert
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
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Great chapter Mistydawn
I like how you kept the conversations so interesting in the part where Smith(am I right)
was talking to Nike
And now I notice at the end of this chapter
which is leaving me in suspense when Diaz said "I want you to find that son of a bitch and kill him. I don't care how you do it, just make sure he disappears, permanently."
Now is Diaz talking about Nike? Gert
Comment Written 04-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much for your kind review, I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter. Yes, Diaz wants Nick dead.
Thank you so much for your great review, all your help, support and friendship. It means the world to me, take care.
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You are so welcome Mistydawn
I'm waiting for your next chapter gert
Comment from gene roush
This is an interesting post.
You do a nice job of creating and holding tension.
I found a spag:"He likes you, Nick(,) claims that it's too quiet without you."
Also, it seems to me that you begin too many sentences with nouns and pronouns. It feels like reporting, and makes me a distant observer.
An example is, "He's already two hours in and is no closer than when he started." Maybe if were changed to, "Two hours in, he was no closer to finishing." things would a little better.
Good job with the dialogue.
Thanks for sharing,
Gene
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
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This is an interesting post.
You do a nice job of creating and holding tension.
I found a spag:"He likes you, Nick(,) claims that it's too quiet without you."
Also, it seems to me that you begin too many sentences with nouns and pronouns. It feels like reporting, and makes me a distant observer.
An example is, "He's already two hours in and is no closer than when he started." Maybe if were changed to, "Two hours in, he was no closer to finishing." things would a little better.
Good job with the dialogue.
Thanks for sharing,
Gene
Comment Written 04-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 05-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your review and helpful suggestions. I do see what you mean. I'll go back, see what I can do. Thank you again for reading my story, take care.
Comment from Sugarray77
Wow, things just got interesting... you ratchet up the tension with the last few lines. Your story is very good in concept, dialogue, setting and characters. Well done.
Melissa
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2018
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Wow, things just got interesting... you ratchet up the tension with the last few lines. Your story is very good in concept, dialogue, setting and characters. Well done.
Melissa
Comment Written 04-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much for such a wonderful review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Everything is going to start really heating up now. Who survives, only time will tell.
Thank you again for your wonderful review, take care.
Comment from royowen
It looks like Nick's got a sympathetic supporter in Joe, and he asks Nick to come back to work as a detective again. However, on the converse side, Tony has been doing some investigating and discovers all the OD's have been on Nick's watch, and what's more he was on Diaz's case, and so Diaz orders Nick killed. Well done, an excellent episode, blessings, Roy
Typo : but hesitates when (he) notices the disgusted look...
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2018
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It looks like Nick's got a sympathetic supporter in Joe, and he asks Nick to come back to work as a detective again. However, on the converse side, Tony has been doing some investigating and discovers all the OD's have been on Nick's watch, and what's more he was on Diaz's case, and so Diaz orders Nick killed. Well done, an excellent episode, blessings, Roy
Typo : but hesitates when (he) notices the disgusted look...
Comment Written 04-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much for taking the time to read my story. Your continued support is always greatly appreciated. NIck definitly has troubles brewing with his plan.
Thank you again for all your help support and friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
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Most welcome
Comment from Rob Caudle
Crisp dialog moved the story along. My first look at this story but I quickly got the lay of the land. I must admit I almost did not read the piece. In your summary, you have nick overdosing ten addicts and wanting to kill more like it was an honorable thing. Hard to like a guy who kills the victims. I am glad I did read the story however because it was well written and set the scene well. You keep writing and I will keep reading.
Rob
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2018
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Crisp dialog moved the story along. My first look at this story but I quickly got the lay of the land. I must admit I almost did not read the piece. In your summary, you have nick overdosing ten addicts and wanting to kill more like it was an honorable thing. Hard to like a guy who kills the victims. I am glad I did read the story however because it was well written and set the scene well. You keep writing and I will keep reading.
Rob
Comment Written 04-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 04-Dec-2018
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Thank you so much for your kind review. I guess it would be hard to have any empathy for Nick the way the summary is written.
See, Nick was told that Diaz his biological father killed his mom, brother, and caused his premature birth. He later discovered that Diaz didn't serve time for their deaths. As a detective Nick tried to go after him, but lost his job his partner in the process. So that coupled with Nick's shotty life in the foster care system, being abused by addicts is his why. This info is spread though the first chapters but that doesn't help someone just coming. So, I'll go back and add that to the summary. Thanks for pointing that out. Thank you again for your kind, encouraging review, take care.
PS. thanks for your subtle suggestion, I do appreciate it.
