Best Friends Adventure
Humor. Minute poetry15 total reviews
Comment from Rickie1
Melissa
Cute poem. Nice rhyme. I'm not sure if you need to use the words: Tom in the first line or have a name for the turtle at all? Snail doesn't have a name. I don't think you need to repeat the word snail either. I can tell who's talking easy enough. But that's just me and I'm a hack poet that strives to use few words. Unless this is directed toward children? They would like the names. Good job.
Rickie
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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Melissa
Cute poem. Nice rhyme. I'm not sure if you need to use the words: Tom in the first line or have a name for the turtle at all? Snail doesn't have a name. I don't think you need to repeat the word snail either. I can tell who's talking easy enough. But that's just me and I'm a hack poet that strives to use few words. Unless this is directed toward children? They would like the names. Good job.
Rickie
Comment Written 14-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018
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Hi Rickie, In a Minute, there has to be three stanzas of four lines... eight syllables per line with an iamb meter. The easiest way, and cutest for children, is to name the character a one syllable name which easily begins the iamb. That is why I practice, to learn how to affix all of the moving parts. I really appreciate your review and comments. Have a great day!!
Melissa
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I'll have to read up on this Minute and iamb meter stuff. I still write by feel and intuition.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Melissa,
That poor little snail was super excited to be going much faster than he usually did! Such a sweet little poem - are you putting these together for a children's book of poems?
I enjoy your pieces very much,
~MP~
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Hi, Melissa,
That poor little snail was super excited to be going much faster than he usually did! Such a sweet little poem - are you putting these together for a children's book of poems?
I enjoy your pieces very much,
~MP~
Comment Written 10-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Hi Patty. I?m so grateful for you comments. No, I?m just writing where my imagination takes me. I have no thoughts to do a book. I really value your thoughts and reviews. Thank you.
Comment from judiverse
Very enjoyable. You did a great job using the minute format. The turtle and the snail are delightful. It's fun to read about the snail's perspective as he's on the turtle's back. He really thinks he's flying high! Cleverly done. It shows how things look from your vantage point. Great artwork. judi
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Very enjoyable. You did a great job using the minute format. The turtle and the snail are delightful. It's fun to read about the snail's perspective as he's on the turtle's back. He really thinks he's flying high! Cleverly done. It shows how things look from your vantage point. Great artwork. judi
Comment Written 10-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you bunches, Judi. I?m so glad you smiled a bit. It was a fun one to imagine. All the best!! Melissa
Comment from Gloria ....
This is a terrific minute poem, and Tommy the Turtle seems to be most obliging to his friend the snail.
I love the story and the artwork and your metre and rhyme pristine. The only thing is Snail eagerly gazed line has one syllable too many and eagerly seems to be a different word.
You should've entered this in the contest because it's spectacular. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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This is a terrific minute poem, and Tommy the Turtle seems to be most obliging to his friend the snail.
I love the story and the artwork and your metre and rhyme pristine. The only thing is Snail eagerly gazed line has one syllable too many and eagerly seems to be a different word.
You should've entered this in the contest because it's spectacular. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 10-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you very much, Gloria. I have been wanting to practice the Minute and took this opportunity to do so. I?ll edit the extra syllable out somehow. All the best!
Comment from Y. M. Roger
You're probably gonna think I'm out of my mind, but I absotively, posilutely love this minute, Melissa! It appeals to me on every level -- as a mom, as a teacher, and just as a fantasy-lovin' adult in general! :) ;) It is not only cute as hell, but your final stanza of the snail 'flying' on the turtle's back is brilliant!! :) ;) Okay, I will stop now, but thank you, thank you for sharing your wonderful imagination with all of us!! :) ;) Yvette :)
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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You're probably gonna think I'm out of my mind, but I absotively, posilutely love this minute, Melissa! It appeals to me on every level -- as a mom, as a teacher, and just as a fantasy-lovin' adult in general! :) ;) It is not only cute as hell, but your final stanza of the snail 'flying' on the turtle's back is brilliant!! :) ;) Okay, I will stop now, but thank you, thank you for sharing your wonderful imagination with all of us!! :) ;) Yvette :)
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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I?m so glad you like it. It was fun to pull this one together. Thank you. Melissa.
Comment from aryr
This was delightful to read, I loved the picture. It had a great rhyme pattern. I liked the concept of the snail and the turtle- both are so slow moving, yet the snail feels it is flying. Very well done, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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This was delightful to read, I loved the picture. It had a great rhyme pattern. I liked the concept of the snail and the turtle- both are so slow moving, yet the snail feels it is flying. Very well done, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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So pleased you liked it. Thank you for the review.
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You are very welcome.
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written Minute poem. Two friends the slowest moving animals of all animals work together to get where they need to go. Snail climbs on turtles back and he feels free and in flight.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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A very well-written Minute poem. Two friends the slowest moving animals of all animals work together to get where they need to go. Snail climbs on turtles back and he feels free and in flight.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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I?m so glad you like it, Sandra. All the best. Melissa
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
I enjoyed your humorous poem, sugarray. Good job with the style of the minute. Your picture + words are a nice pairing. I like the fact that the snail was treated kindly by his turtle friend. Good job with the smooth flow and great rhymes. This poem has a hidden message I believe about getting along with others without always being the pampered one or the 'me, me, me.' Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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I enjoyed your humorous poem, sugarray. Good job with the style of the minute. Your picture + words are a nice pairing. I like the fact that the snail was treated kindly by his turtle friend. Good job with the smooth flow and great rhymes. This poem has a hidden message I believe about getting along with others without always being the pampered one or the 'me, me, me.' Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Hello, Jan. Thanks so much for the lovely, insightful review. I am grateful for how you took the time to give me great comments. Have a great day! Melissa
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Hello, Jan. Thanks so much for the lovely, insightful review. I am grateful for how you took the time to give me great comments. Have a great day! Melissa
Comment from Ulla
Aweee, Melissa, isn't this poem the sweetest thing. Just what I needed after writing my latest chapter to my book, which brought me to tears. So many memories. Thanks for cheering me up. It's wonderful, your poem that is. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Aweee, Melissa, isn't this poem the sweetest thing. Just what I needed after writing my latest chapter to my book, which brought me to tears. So many memories. Thanks for cheering me up. It's wonderful, your poem that is. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Hello, Ulla. I?m very glad this cheered you up and you could see the humor. I am looking forward to reading your chapter. Have a blessed day. Melissa
Comment from Debbie Pope
This is really, really good. This could have so easily won the Children's Poem contest. I bet that you have others like it up your sleeve.
You did a fabulous job with that minute format. I like the way that it divided--the offer for a ride, the ride, and reaction to the ride. And your word choice is easy and free like snail. Whee was a perfect ending.
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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This is really, really good. This could have so easily won the Children's Poem contest. I bet that you have others like it up your sleeve.
You did a fabulous job with that minute format. I like the way that it divided--the offer for a ride, the ride, and reaction to the ride. And your word choice is easy and free like snail. Whee was a perfect ending.
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Aww. Thanks so much Debbie. I am glad you liked it. I have been wanting to practice the Minute form more often and thought this might work. I really appreciate your points and comments. Melissa
