Be Wee With Bea
Viewing comments for Chapter 15 "A Reason for Rainbows"An allegory in the Winnie the Pooh genre
12 total reviews
Comment from Liberty Justice
Perfect story for children and teens about sweet puppy scared of storms living in a cave. What an amusing suspenseful story of these scary creatures. Well done. Check out mine also.Liberty justice
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Perfect story for children and teens about sweet puppy scared of storms living in a cave. What an amusing suspenseful story of these scary creatures. Well done. Check out mine also.Liberty justice
Comment Written 07-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 07-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your supportive review. I will definitely check yours out. I have a list of writers I frequently visit. I just wrote your name down.
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Thanks Liz: Become my fan
by clicking on "become a fan"
at bottom any of my writings
and you will be sent my new
writings Thanks! liberty
justice
Comment from robyn corum
Liz,
This continues to be an adorable little storyline that I'm sure a whole host of people will enjoy. *smile* Congratulations on the publication of your book!
Since you have published now, the following note may not be of any value to you, but I will offer them anyway, just in case:
1.) Just before (Bea) had time to do her talk to the maker
--> since she hasn't been mentioned personally yet so it might cause some confusion
2.) Her doubts, creeping in, she questioned her ability to keep anyone safe
--> With doubts creeping in, she questioned her...
Thanks and good luck!
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018
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Liz,
This continues to be an adorable little storyline that I'm sure a whole host of people will enjoy. *smile* Congratulations on the publication of your book!
Since you have published now, the following note may not be of any value to you, but I will offer them anyway, just in case:
1.) Just before (Bea) had time to do her talk to the maker
--> since she hasn't been mentioned personally yet so it might cause some confusion
2.) Her doubts, creeping in, she questioned her ability to keep anyone safe
--> With doubts creeping in, she questioned her...
Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 15-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018
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Thank you for your involved review. I take suggestions anyway. I have learned so much since I've been on this site. I'm happy to keep learning and do make adjustments as suggested.
Comment from gene roush
This is sweet.
It has a nice voice. You set up tension and resolve it. You give a hint of Bea's antagonist and allow the reader to imagine what might follow.
I found some things that you might want to look at;
"It was almost eerie to see his calm silhouette against the rest of the forest, lit up."
This might be better as
It was almost eerie to see his calm silhouette against the lit up forest.
" Her eyes were so tightly shut that she didn't see that Sweet Puppy was struggling against her clutching so tightly. "
Might flow better as "Her eyes were so tightly shut, Bea didn't notice Sweet Puppy struggling and her clutching her."
This one is a little confusing: "She did her notice exercise" Substituting "Bea" for "she" might be better.
This post is good, and I might be nit picking.
This closes well, with a nice hook for the next post.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018
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This is sweet.
It has a nice voice. You set up tension and resolve it. You give a hint of Bea's antagonist and allow the reader to imagine what might follow.
I found some things that you might want to look at;
"It was almost eerie to see his calm silhouette against the rest of the forest, lit up."
This might be better as
It was almost eerie to see his calm silhouette against the lit up forest.
" Her eyes were so tightly shut that she didn't see that Sweet Puppy was struggling against her clutching so tightly. "
Might flow better as "Her eyes were so tightly shut, Bea didn't notice Sweet Puppy struggling and her clutching her."
This one is a little confusing: "She did her notice exercise" Substituting "Bea" for "she" might be better.
This post is good, and I might be nit picking.
This closes well, with a nice hook for the next post.
Thanks for sharing
Gene
Comment Written 15-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018
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I was a creative writing teacher. We can never be too nit picky. I've learned so much since I've been on this site. I take into consideration all of the suggestions and tweak where needed. Thank you for your involved review.
Comment from rama devi
This is charming and has a good voicing for a children's story. It has a great POV and fine pacing, in spite of some longer sentences. however, it has a lot of spag nits you might want to fix. Suggestions below:
*Terrified,(no comma) when she saw lightning, Sweet Puppy knew a terrible boom was coming.
*
Every once in a while, Sweet Puppy just had to peek out of the cave opening,(no comma) to see if there were any flashes of lightning;(no ;) but would run right back, shaking.
NICE IMAGERY: It was almost eerie to see his calm silhouette against the rest of the forest, lit up. He definitely was no help.
*Doing her notice exercise, she realized, she was feeling very young(,) as if the tree had just come down on her cave again.
*for her "be good to myself'' treat.
"be-good-to-myself"
*
Her doubts,(no comma) creeping in, she questioned her ability to keep anyone safe. But she knew that even though her fears were growing(,) and she wasn't sure she could stand the buzzing of the fifty bees flying around inside her;(,) she had to do her talk to the maker of lightning exercise.
* Then after a few quiet minutes, she heard a nice comforting hum in the air,(no comma) of busy bees making honey(,) and she realized things would be ok.(okay)
Good descriptive imagery and characterization. A pleasant read.
Blessings,
rd
PS Happy to re-rate if spag issues are fixed.
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018
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This is charming and has a good voicing for a children's story. It has a great POV and fine pacing, in spite of some longer sentences. however, it has a lot of spag nits you might want to fix. Suggestions below:
*Terrified,(no comma) when she saw lightning, Sweet Puppy knew a terrible boom was coming.
*
Every once in a while, Sweet Puppy just had to peek out of the cave opening,(no comma) to see if there were any flashes of lightning;(no ;) but would run right back, shaking.
NICE IMAGERY: It was almost eerie to see his calm silhouette against the rest of the forest, lit up. He definitely was no help.
*Doing her notice exercise, she realized, she was feeling very young(,) as if the tree had just come down on her cave again.
*for her "be good to myself'' treat.
"be-good-to-myself"
*
Her doubts,(no comma) creeping in, she questioned her ability to keep anyone safe. But she knew that even though her fears were growing(,) and she wasn't sure she could stand the buzzing of the fifty bees flying around inside her;(,) she had to do her talk to the maker of lightning exercise.
* Then after a few quiet minutes, she heard a nice comforting hum in the air,(no comma) of busy bees making honey(,) and she realized things would be ok.(okay)
Good descriptive imagery and characterization. A pleasant read.
Blessings,
rd
PS Happy to re-rate if spag issues are fixed.
Comment Written 15-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 15-Nov-2018
Thank you for the suggestions. It makes it so much clearer with suggestions. The lines look much better now. I've always had either too few or too many commas. That's what Grammarly points out to me every time. Maybe someday I'll find the balance.
Thank you for your involved review. I have learned so much since I've been on this site. I'm happy to keep learning and do make adjustments as suggested. I will let you know when they are completed.
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Thanks for your gracious response...ready to upgrade! :-))) Just let me know, as mentioned. Best, rd
Comment from Mabaker
Children and grown-ups alike will love the story of Bea and Sweet Puppy, I did. Storms with thunder and lightning can be very scary, and if you are young and don't what it's all about it can be worse Thank you, Liz, it was lovely Sincerely Anne..
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Children and grown-ups alike will love the story of Bea and Sweet Puppy, I did. Storms with thunder and lightning can be very scary, and if you are young and don't what it's all about it can be worse Thank you, Liz, it was lovely Sincerely Anne..
Comment Written 10-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Thank you so much for your lovely review. I think I may have told you that this is an allegory about my pets and me and my spirituality and growth in self-knowledge. My cat has passed but my puppy is 16 and getting deafer and blinder so it is mostly I who cower and look for a cave to hide in. I am relieved she doesn't hear the thunder or gun practice much anymore, she used to shake so bad, I was worried about her heart. So if you read more, you'll learn more about me.
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Send them to my messages page Lis I like Bea and Sweet Puppy.
Comment from SueZen
Another lovely and exciting episode on the life of Bea, her adventures, fears, joys and faith in the maker of everything and thus overcomes all by her talk to the maker exercises. Truly a delight to read, wonderful! Can hardly wait for the next episode!
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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Another lovely and exciting episode on the life of Bea, her adventures, fears, joys and faith in the maker of everything and thus overcomes all by her talk to the maker exercises. Truly a delight to read, wonderful! Can hardly wait for the next episode!
Comment Written 09-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 09-Nov-2018
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I just love reading your enthusiastic reviews. Thank you for your great support. And another 6 stars. I am thrilled.
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Again with the wonderful message all wrapped up in Bea and friends making it through another ordeal -- how lovely!! :) ;) The most important part being that all things happen for a reason ... even if we have to wait til the very end to find out what it is!! :) ;) Oh, and be sure to tell Bea (wink, wink) that I followed her advice from a few times ago about "be good to myself'' treats.....stopped by the new little doughnut shop on the way home and got an apple fritter!! :) ;) Thanx for the fun write! :) ;) Yvette :)
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Again with the wonderful message all wrapped up in Bea and friends making it through another ordeal -- how lovely!! :) ;) The most important part being that all things happen for a reason ... even if we have to wait til the very end to find out what it is!! :) ;) Oh, and be sure to tell Bea (wink, wink) that I followed her advice from a few times ago about "be good to myself'' treats.....stopped by the new little doughnut shop on the way home and got an apple fritter!! :) ;) Thanx for the fun write! :) ;) Yvette :)
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Yvette, thank you for your delightful review. I am so pleased you enjoy my writing so. And Bea commends you for treating your self, This is not a time for "I don't need that " talk.
Comment from jeanne2011
Interesting. Seems like it had hidden meaning. Wasn't sure what to expect. Thought at first that it might be a children's story, but I'm assuming now it's more of an allegory for adults. I liked the idea of the rainbow following the storm and beacon of hope. Overall the story could probably be condensed and not loose anything. Also maybe a little more physical description of the characters as in their eyes or their floppy ears, something. But, still thought this was very creative.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Interesting. Seems like it had hidden meaning. Wasn't sure what to expect. Thought at first that it might be a children's story, but I'm assuming now it's more of an allegory for adults. I liked the idea of the rainbow following the storm and beacon of hope. Overall the story could probably be condensed and not loose anything. Also maybe a little more physical description of the characters as in their eyes or their floppy ears, something. But, still thought this was very creative.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It is in then Winnie the Pooh genre, for all ages. It is actually an autobiographical story of my adventures with my pets and my acquiring self- knowledge. My dog , now 16, is becoming deafer and blinder so it is only I who cowers, looking for a cave.
Comment from aryr
This was very well done. I enjoyed the concept of the talking through the animals. It was very nature based which made it not only entertaining but educational. I know storms can affect and frighten people but what is the effect on animals. You provided an insight to this. Thanks so much for sharing.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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This was very well done. I enjoyed the concept of the talking through the animals. It was very nature based which made it not only entertaining but educational. I know storms can affect and frighten people but what is the effect on animals. You provided an insight to this. Thanks so much for sharing.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Thank you for your involved review. I'm glad you enjoyed it. It is in then Winnie the Pooh genre, for all ages. It is actually an autobiographical story of my adventures with my pets and my acquiring self- knowledge. My dog , now 16, is becoming deafer and blinder so it is only I who cowers, looking for a cave.
Comment from lyenochka
What a poetic view of the rainbow you give in the final paragraph:
"beautiful gift in the sky, wrapped in a double-striped ribbon, without the help of thunder, lightning, rain and most importantly, the sun. "
Yes, it's helpful to know that God is the creator of all these things. Great promotional video, too. I like the animation of the teddy bear!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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What a poetic view of the rainbow you give in the final paragraph:
"beautiful gift in the sky, wrapped in a double-striped ribbon, without the help of thunder, lightning, rain and most importantly, the sun. "
Yes, it's helpful to know that God is the creator of all these things. Great promotional video, too. I like the animation of the teddy bear!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
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Thank you for your supportive review. I'm glad you especially enjoyed the last paragraph. And yes, isn't that is a delightful animated ad?
