Comment from rhonnie69

Excellent

HELLO MARK: I like your work here because it tells us a very important and special story with just a few words. It is brief, clear, and to the point. It helps us to appreciate the service of our people in uniform who work in our behalf. This brings our dead back to life in our hearts. This is well done, Mark. It is good. God bless you. Cordially: rhonnie69.

 Comment Written 28-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 28-Nov-2018

Hi rhonnie!

THANK YOU for your glowing report on this particular verse. I think it was one of best FanStory 5-7-5 Haiku-like efforts. It really juices me to read comments like yours! Other reviewers had similar feelings and thoughts. And, we all do appreciate those who wear the USA on their military outfits.

I do appreciate your compliment and rating.

Mark

Comment from Joan E.

Excellent

I admired your appealing to our senses of sound and sight in this short tribute to "Sacred soldiers". Your picture selection establishes the perfect mood for the poem, and your use of alliteration adds to its intensity. Cheers- Joan

 Comment Written 27-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018

Thanks Joan!

Your generous comments reflect the mood Intried to emulate in my verse. I appreciate your thoughtful review.

My 'to taps' vs 'in taps' was intentional. I tried with a double entendre: steel tapped shoes and the steel trumpet that plays "Taps."

Mark

Mark

reply by Joan E. on 28-Nov-2018

I appreciated your double entendre as well. Thank you again for sharing your salute. More cheers- Joan

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

This is a super poem to honor those who gave all. I like the way you presented it--the picture is great, the words flow well, I like steel taps. Good job and thanks for sharing. Jan

 Comment Written 27-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018

Jan,

There is a double meaning to my use of taps in my last line: the steel taps on the soldier's shoes and the steel trumpet that plays "Taps." I intentionally wrote ''to taps" but others may prefer "in taps" or " to 'Taps.' "

It was the picture that really inspired me to create the imagery expressed in my 5-7-5 verse. I like your 'honor those who gave all'. It was that feeling I wanted to portray and you kindly recognized the same.

Thanks again for your encouragement.

Mark

reply by the author on 27-Nov-2018

Jan,

You might check out my "5-7-5 Cicadas Making Music." That was entered in a contest. But I now realize that if you do enter any contest, you only get one submission per contest. Otherwise, the snowflakes Haiku would have been entered.

Mark

reply by Jannypan (Jan) on 27-Nov-2018

Yes, you are right about 1 entry per person per contest. I will look it up.

Comment from Galactia

Excellent

Hi

Excellent little 5'7'5 poem. Perfect syllable count across all lines.

twenty-one steps to steel taps

What does tje 21 refference mean. I heard Green Day talk about 21 gums in there song, so I a m assuming a refference to something.?

Very strong 1st Line and 3rd line.

Regards
Tia

 Comment Written 26-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018

Tia,

Along the path in front of the Tomb, the soldier walks exactly 21 steps each way. It matches with what we think of is the '21 gun salute.' In actuality, soldiers shoot three rounds with rifles (likely there are 7 soldiers shooting). The "21-guns" is the naval version.

Green Day's song used "21 Guns" because we all use this phrase incorrectly. Soldiers shoot rifles, naval ships shoot guns.

The soldier's solid shoes has some taps on them, but the trumpeter who plays "Taps" has a steel instrument.

I had a choice to write "... in steel taps" but switched it to: " ... to steel taps." Maybe in hindsight, it should be: " ... to steel 'Taps' " as a double entendre.

Thanks for questioning me and your generous commentary.

Mark

reply by Galactia on 26-Nov-2018

Hi

Arrh thank you for educating me. I knew 21 had t o refference something. Now I understand, make sense. Thanks for responding. Have you got issuesderver issues with Fanstory? It's had error 500 and something like 503?

Regards
Tia

Comment from Jaye Bennett

Excellent

Very nice. I had four male cousins on my father's side. All four of them were service connected, one was career. Aonther of them was on the Portland south of Hawaii on December 7, 1941. They were far enough south, the Japanese couldn't see them. My brother was in the Army National Guard for 44 years. My husband fought in Korea. I have the greatest respect for the military. They protect our country. The ones who guard the "Tomb of the Unknown" have never stood down, not even in the most bitter weather. They pledge not to drink or smoke. A special group. You did a good job on this. Thank you.

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 26-Nov-2018

Jaye,

Thank you for sharing your family's service to our country. I salute their courage.

And yes, these Old Guard soldiers are a special breed.

Your comments are graciously accepted.

Mark

Comment from harmony13

Excellent

Thank you for this beautiful tribute. The two lines flow and
connect well. The last line puts the poem all together. The
artwork is great and compliments both the theme and words of
this poem.

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018

Harmony,

Thank you so much for honoring my verse with your rating and comments. I thought the picture (likely from an internet search or from pixabay.com) elevated my verse. The quietness/solemnity of the snowy scene helped to emphasize this tribute.

Mark

reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018

Harmony,

Thank you so much for honoring my verse with your rating and comments. I thought the picture (likely from an internet search or from pixabay.com) elevated my verse. The quietness/solemnity of the snowy scene helped to emphasize this tribute.

Mark

Comment from Six-Star Writer

Exceptional

Yes, we should always honor our fallen soldiers. I served, but I don't believe I ever did anything honorable during my 4 years from 1980 to 1984. I don't I've ever done anything I would characterize as truly honorable. I have simply survived and nothing more. What do IMHO and ENTP mean?

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018

You are OK in my book too! My previous message hopefully answered your questions about IMHO and ENTP.

Comment from Lady Jane

Exceptional

For the sheer fact you have shed light upon this very solemn prospect, I am awarding you a 6. You've captured the sanctity of this act in a very humbling and proficient way. It is presented with great care and powerful imagery. The carefully chosen words are written in comparison to the lives sacrificed for our continued freedoms. The write, the verbiage, the image all cohesively form an powerfully 6 star penning. Thank you for sharing these 17 profound syllables today!
Janelle

 Comment Written 25-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 25-Nov-2018

Janelle!

THANK YOU, I am honored that the image and verse moved you in such a way. I have been fortunate to have seen this changing of the guard three times in my life. As a 14 yr. old 8th grade class trip student, it was impressive, but when I witnessed the same with my own children, the feeling was elevated to a much higher level. All who attend this ceremony must be humbled. And even watching it on YouTube inspires you.

Previously, someone from England had questioned the taps reference, so I added some author notes for others to know.

BTW I intentionally wrote "... to steel taps" rather than ".... in steel taps." Obviously, the soldier's shoes have taps. That little prepositional change gets its own 'aha moment' because of the playing of 'Taps.'

Best wishes in your own efforts.

Mark

reply by Lady Jane on 25-Nov-2018

Yes, I caught that. I'm familiar with your style. This was an exceptionally influential piece :)

Comment from Pam (respa)

Excellent

-Very nice image, Mark.
-Notes are appreciated.
-Syllable count is good.
-Effective description of the soldiers.
-Their actions are enhanced with
the use of alliteration of the 's' sound.
-The last line is a very good one,
and your poem is a good
tribute to our soldiers.

 Comment Written 15-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 16-Nov-2018

THANK YOU Pam!

I have witnessed this 'changing of the guard' several times. The first time as an 8th grader on a school trip. As an adult, with my children, it became more meaningful. Appreciate your comments about my verse and its image and how it affected you. It is important to honor all our past and present soldiers!

Mark

reply by Pam (respa) on 16-Nov-2018

You are welcome, Mark. I appreciate your reply. It is important to recognize our soldiers.

Comment from Liz O'Neill

Excellent

I had fun finding the taps rhythm in the words and lines. I do not like letting a poem alone til it gives me joy in some way. I also enjoyed your alliteration. Especially your s's. This creates an atmosphere of honor, respect and reverence. This is a lovely tribute to those who served to the end of their lives. Well written.

 Comment Written 14-Nov-2018

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reply by the author on 14-Nov-2018

Hi Liz!

After the verse percolated in your mind, it is wonderful that the verse and photo found the rhythm you like. It makes me feel goooood(!) that you say that. I try to place that alliteration style in all my 5-7-5 type verses. Your tribute to our armed forces men and women (alphabetized!) who serve our great country is more important than my effort on FanStory..

For a real overdose of alliterations, you might like to search Amazon books for my ebook, "Animals Become Chatty." At least you will 'see' the cover page, which is the actual 'c-letter' page of my first publication effort.

Glad you got the joy from my verse.

Mark