Kidnapped!
contest entry5 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
A happy ending to the story, most don't end up so well. Your story is clearly written and moves along at a good pace. Good luck in the contest with your entry. Marilyn
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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A happy ending to the story, most don't end up so well. Your story is clearly written and moves along at a good pace. Good luck in the contest with your entry. Marilyn
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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Dear Marilyn, Thank you for your comments and rating. Dove
Comment from Sally Law
Well done! You have some real talent and a vivid imagination. I have two critiques for you today.
First, break up your long text with paragraphs. This makes it easier to read. Readers have a tendency to back out of an article when it is just one large section of print.
Second, it ends too abruptly with not much detail. Kinda like...boom, it's over. You build the storyline up and it ends with very little description and emotional relief. Key to a good, can't-put-it-down-story is a good ending.
I hope this helps. I wish you all the best in the contest!
Sally
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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Well done! You have some real talent and a vivid imagination. I have two critiques for you today.
First, break up your long text with paragraphs. This makes it easier to read. Readers have a tendency to back out of an article when it is just one large section of print.
Second, it ends too abruptly with not much detail. Kinda like...boom, it's over. You build the storyline up and it ends with very little description and emotional relief. Key to a good, can't-put-it-down-story is a good ending.
I hope this helps. I wish you all the best in the contest!
Sally
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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Dear Sally, Thank you for your rating and suggestions. Dove
Comment from humpwhistle
For what it's worth, I think this story would be much more effective if you told it in the first person--from abductee's point of view. As it stands, the voice is passive, reporting. If you change POV, you give the reader an opportunity to experience the terror. Give it a try. I think you'll like the results.
Just an opinion. Peace, Lee
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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For what it's worth, I think this story would be much more effective if you told it in the first person--from abductee's point of view. As it stands, the voice is passive, reporting. If you change POV, you give the reader an opportunity to experience the terror. Give it a try. I think you'll like the results.
Just an opinion. Peace, Lee
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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Dear Lee, Thank you for your rating and suggestions. Dove
Comment from country ranch writer
NICE WORK UP FOR THE POEM EXCUSE THE CAPS EYS HURTING TODAY. IT WAS SO LUCKY THE NEIGHBOR WAS ON ALERT KEEPING HER EYES OPE AND GOT THE LICENSE PLATE. IT COULD HAVE ENDED BADLY FOR ALL IF SHE HADN'T BEEN ON ALERT.
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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NICE WORK UP FOR THE POEM EXCUSE THE CAPS EYS HURTING TODAY. IT WAS SO LUCKY THE NEIGHBOR WAS ON ALERT KEEPING HER EYES OPE AND GOT THE LICENSE PLATE. IT COULD HAVE ENDED BADLY FOR ALL IF SHE HADN'T BEEN ON ALERT.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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Dear country ranch writer, Thank you for your comments and rating. Dove
Comment from Y. M. Roger
A very short and clean write for the contest...hopefully, she'll remember to lock the door when she's at home alone from now on. :) Be sure to pop back in and correct your title. :) Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest! :)
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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A very short and clean write for the contest...hopefully, she'll remember to lock the door when she's at home alone from now on. :) Be sure to pop back in and correct your title. :) Thank you for sharing and good luck in the contest! :)
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 07-Nov-2018
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Dear Y.M. Roger, Thank you for catching the mistake, and for your comments and rating. Dove
