Sins of Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 28 "The Darkness Unleashed"A Novel of the Breedline series
6 total reviews
Comment from rwilliam
Creepy, eye catching photo. Works well with this chapter.
The boy's head flew back, and the force threw him off balance. When he landed on his hands and knees, clubs pummeled his shoulders and back.--OOPS You have his head being thrown backwash from the punch but he lands on his hands and knees. That wouldn't work with him falling back. Just a thought. :)
WOW another well written, intense chapter. Great writing.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Creepy, eye catching photo. Works well with this chapter.
The boy's head flew back, and the force threw him off balance. When he landed on his hands and knees, clubs pummeled his shoulders and back.--OOPS You have his head being thrown backwash from the punch but he lands on his hands and knees. That wouldn't work with him falling back. Just a thought. :)
WOW another well written, intense chapter. Great writing.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thanks so much, girl! :)
Great catch there. I didn't even notice that. Dang, you have a good eye. I can change that to make him falling on his back. Thanks so much for the awesome review and shining stars.
I seen that your publishing company was interested in your story. I'm so happy for you. I wish I could give you some advice, but I wouldn't be that great of help. I'm sure someone here knows the ropes. I'm very proud of you. Keep me posted!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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You'r welcome girl. That's why I'm here reviewing. Happy to help. Yes, I go in on the 12 th. I'll keep you posted. When can we get together? I"m pretty free.
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Hey girl,
After Thanksgiving week, lets get together. I'm pretty sure Carl has to work on the weekend of Dec. 1st. Keep me posted on your publishing meeting. I hope it all goes perfect! 😊
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Thank you. YES! I'd love to get together. I miss hanging out!
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Awesome! :)
Comment from ngage
Bless you, Ms. Shana. I will say, even though Sebastian's past was heartbreaking and brutal, you managed to reel me into his story with a lot of emotions. Fantastic writing my friend!
We all have a past we want to erase from our memory. I can truly relate to childhood bullying. There are times we all wish we could seek revenge.
Looking forward to more of your Breedline adventures.
Nate
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Bless you, Ms. Shana. I will say, even though Sebastian's past was heartbreaking and brutal, you managed to reel me into his story with a lot of emotions. Fantastic writing my friend!
We all have a past we want to erase from our memory. I can truly relate to childhood bullying. There are times we all wish we could seek revenge.
Looking forward to more of your Breedline adventures.
Nate
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thank you, Nate :)
You're such a sweetie! I love all your reviews. You boost my confidence. I appreciate all your dedication and time you take to read my chapters.
Hugs,
Shana :)
Comment from fm wright
You definitely have me wondering what is going to happen next with both Sebastian and Eve. Wonderfully written and told as more of Sebastian's past is revealed. As always I look forward with anticipation to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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You definitely have me wondering what is going to happen next with both Sebastian and Eve. Wonderfully written and told as more of Sebastian's past is revealed. As always I look forward with anticipation to the next chapter.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thank you so much dear friend :)
Wow! Love the great review and kind words. I was worried this chapter might offend readers since it's a bit brutal, but I had to tell Sebastian's story. It is important for readers to know why he is the way he is.
Sincerely,
Shana :)
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Yes. I always want to understand what motivates a character. You are so welcome on the review.
Comment from royowen
You are amazing Shana, this incredible episode brought the reason for Sebastion's past and his transformation, it must have been a writing ordeal to write this dark chapter. Of course Lucifer is nobody's friend, and those under his spell can expect nothing, no mercy, nothing. So he murdered hie stepbrother and family, and like he had been treated, without mercy. Then, he meets Eve, well done Shana, great episode, incredible how you keep track, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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You are amazing Shana, this incredible episode brought the reason for Sebastion's past and his transformation, it must have been a writing ordeal to write this dark chapter. Of course Lucifer is nobody's friend, and those under his spell can expect nothing, no mercy, nothing. So he murdered hie stepbrother and family, and like he had been treated, without mercy. Then, he meets Eve, well done Shana, great episode, incredible how you keep track, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thank you dear friend :)
I'm so relieved to here you enjoyed the chapter even though it was a bit brutal. I was hoping I did not offend anyone here on FanStory. But I wanted everyone to know Sebastian's story and how Lucifer turned his good heart dark. Now, Sebastian is understanding what terrible things he'd done but cannot undo. Hopefully, he can find the courage to ask for forgiveness.
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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Well done Shana
Comment from tkbrown
You have an uncanny ability to weave a story that leaves the reader enthralled. Your "Breedline" series reminds me much of the "Twilight" series that was released several years ago. I am typically not into vampires, etc., but I enjoyed reading that Trilogy. Your series, I believe, ranks right up there with that one. Best of Luck with your future endeavors. I expect to hear more from you in the future. tkbrown
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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You have an uncanny ability to weave a story that leaves the reader enthralled. Your "Breedline" series reminds me much of the "Twilight" series that was released several years ago. I am typically not into vampires, etc., but I enjoyed reading that Trilogy. Your series, I believe, ranks right up there with that one. Best of Luck with your future endeavors. I expect to hear more from you in the future. tkbrown
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thank you, tkbrown! :)
It's always a pleasure to hear from someone new. Your feedback is very inspiring. I enjoyed the Twilight series as well. To put me in that category is a great compliment. I do love the old vampire and werewolf myths. It's fun to change the rules and create new twists and turns. Hopefully, my Breedline will be enjoyed more and more.
I hope to hear from you again.
Thanks again!
Sincerely,
Shana :)
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Thank You! I believe you will be hearing from a lot of us more and more. :-) tkbrown
Comment from apky
This is so intense, I involuntarily went rigi while reading about Sebastian going through his stages of unbelievable recollections that Lucifer threw at him. I also learnt a lot more about Sebastian and all that would later form the sort of character he became. From having disliked him at the beginning, I'm now feeling sorry for him in a big way.
All that said, it proves what a brilliant master of this genre you are. You take the reader, like Sebastian himself, through all the stages of the cross, so to speak!
three tall figures instantly appeared from around the corner, dressed in black(,) (and had-delete, and use "with" instead of "and had") hoods covering most of their facial features.
With the cunning skills of (a) natural killer
had suffered the way he had all these years or had death become her. ~ I think you need to rewrite this sentence; it sounds rather awkward, or at least not quite right.
When he rounded the corner, he(his) knees nearly buckled as he faced the dining room.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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This is so intense, I involuntarily went rigi while reading about Sebastian going through his stages of unbelievable recollections that Lucifer threw at him. I also learnt a lot more about Sebastian and all that would later form the sort of character he became. From having disliked him at the beginning, I'm now feeling sorry for him in a big way.
All that said, it proves what a brilliant master of this genre you are. You take the reader, like Sebastian himself, through all the stages of the cross, so to speak!
three tall figures instantly appeared from around the corner, dressed in black(,) (and had-delete, and use "with" instead of "and had") hoods covering most of their facial features.
With the cunning skills of (a) natural killer
had suffered the way he had all these years or had death become her. ~ I think you need to rewrite this sentence; it sounds rather awkward, or at least not quite right.
When he rounded the corner, he(his) knees nearly buckled as he faced the dining room.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thank you dear friend :)
Your compliments are boosting my confidence! I do love to hear your opinion. I value it highly.
You have a hawk eye, girl. I don't know how I missed those little mistakes. And my copy editor missed them too. It can always be corrected though. It's so funny how you can read a chapter over and over but miss the most obvious. LOL!
You're the best!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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I know what you mean. I can read my own work a dozen times, put it away for a few weeks, read it again and still miss the most stupid and obvious mistakes!
