Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 102 "Chapter Einunddreissig part one"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
21 total reviews
Comment from SLMorrical
As always this is very well written. I really enjoy reading your chapters in this book. I love how they flow into each other. You have a wonderful grasp of the English language. Something I need more work on. Well done again.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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As always this is very well written. I really enjoy reading your chapters in this book. I love how they flow into each other. You have a wonderful grasp of the English language. Something I need more work on. Well done again.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the kind review and the encouraging words.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
Oh, those dogs are so well trained! And it's a good thing. Poor Emily. Even if her mother wasn't the greatest, it is still heartbreaking for a child to lose their mother.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter,
~MP~
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Hi, Barbara,
Oh, those dogs are so well trained! And it's a good thing. Poor Emily. Even if her mother wasn't the greatest, it is still heartbreaking for a child to lose their mother.
I'm looking forward to the next chapter,
~MP~
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I agree about the mother.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the post. The dialogue and interaction between characters moved the story forward while giving me insights into their mindset(s). The use of the dogs to guard Shana when danger was present is spot on. I liked the air of mystery -- what caused the dogs to sense danger a second time, causing Anderson to guess what the danger is. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Good morning, Barbara
Enjoyed the post. The dialogue and interaction between characters moved the story forward while giving me insights into their mindset(s). The use of the dogs to guard Shana when danger was present is spot on. I liked the air of mystery -- what caused the dogs to sense danger a second time, causing Anderson to guess what the danger is. Well done.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the kind review. I always enjoy hearing from you.
Comment from rama devi
Great chapter, dear B. Swift pacing, dialog true to life and characterization and fine plot points. I did not find many spag nits.
NOTES
* A suggestion:
"There are new footprints leading toward and away from the house. Somebody was heading here but got spooked and left."
This is the only dialog that sounded not as true to life, because I think there would not, in this context, speak in grammatical sentences but a shorter style. I suggest trimming THERE ARE so it reads:
"New footprints leading toward and away from the house. Somebody was heading here but got spooked and left."
*optional comma suggestion:
*"By the look on your face(,) whoever that was didn't bring good news."
*spag:
Shana placed both hands on the counter(,) and her shoulders slumped.
*suggestion:
Right now(,) I'm not sure what." Anderson released a deep breath. "I don't want Emily attending the funeral."
*spag:
Anderson followed Jeff,(no ,) but over his shoulder said, "Shana, I'll be right outside if you need anything."
Good chapter section...just needs minor fine tuning.
Warmly,
rd
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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Great chapter, dear B. Swift pacing, dialog true to life and characterization and fine plot points. I did not find many spag nits.
NOTES
* A suggestion:
"There are new footprints leading toward and away from the house. Somebody was heading here but got spooked and left."
This is the only dialog that sounded not as true to life, because I think there would not, in this context, speak in grammatical sentences but a shorter style. I suggest trimming THERE ARE so it reads:
"New footprints leading toward and away from the house. Somebody was heading here but got spooked and left."
*optional comma suggestion:
*"By the look on your face(,) whoever that was didn't bring good news."
*spag:
Shana placed both hands on the counter(,) and her shoulders slumped.
*suggestion:
Right now(,) I'm not sure what." Anderson released a deep breath. "I don't want Emily attending the funeral."
*spag:
Anderson followed Jeff,(no ,) but over his shoulder said, "Shana, I'll be right outside if you need anything."
Good chapter section...just needs minor fine tuning.
Warmly,
rd
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
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I have made the corrections. Thank you, again, for the help.
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:-)
Comment from c_lucas
The dogs are well trained. When Drew is not there, they take their own protective measure. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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The dogs are well trained. When Drew is not there, they take their own protective measure. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're welcome.
Comment from Ben Colder
I always manage to keep a six knowing your post would be surfacing. Those dogs are smart and know something is about to get nasty. Thanks for sharing your work. I fine no fault. Best to you Barb.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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I always manage to keep a six knowing your post would be surfacing. Those dogs are smart and know something is about to get nasty. Thanks for sharing your work. I fine no fault. Best to you Barb.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from judiverse
Lots of action in this. I like having the dogs in their protective mode to guard Shana. They are really on the job. It seems that the source of their behavior was an intruder, as a security guard has discovered some footprints. Apparently he was scared off. I love chicken fried steak. Used to have it at the Black Eyed Pea restaurant. Then there's the news of Patricia's death, and it looks like one of the Russian's men got to her. Drew is right not to want Emily at the funeral. She might become a target for the Russians. Just a thought--it's been a while since you made reference to Patricia, so you might want to something in after her encounter with Shana and getting accidentally wounded, maybe Drew getting an update or something, so she won't be out of our minds. Now Jeff has discovered something. More developments. You do keep the complications coming. Great work. judi
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Lots of action in this. I like having the dogs in their protective mode to guard Shana. They are really on the job. It seems that the source of their behavior was an intruder, as a security guard has discovered some footprints. Apparently he was scared off. I love chicken fried steak. Used to have it at the Black Eyed Pea restaurant. Then there's the news of Patricia's death, and it looks like one of the Russian's men got to her. Drew is right not to want Emily at the funeral. She might become a target for the Russians. Just a thought--it's been a while since you made reference to Patricia, so you might want to something in after her encounter with Shana and getting accidentally wounded, maybe Drew getting an update or something, so she won't be out of our minds. Now Jeff has discovered something. More developments. You do keep the complications coming. Great work. judi
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Either in my next post or the one right after that, Drew describes his marriage to her. I think it will be an eye opener. It is coming. I appreciate your kind review.
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You're welcome. It doesn't sound like Patricia was an easy person to put up with. It'll be interesting to know the details. judi
Comment from Sasha
This was a tense chapter. Not that I need the protection,I would love a pair of dogs like those in this book. The Russians are beginning to scare me, they are determined and have now killed Drew's ex-wife. I agree, they have to keep the little girl safe, the Russian's wouldn't think twice about harming her.
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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This was a tense chapter. Not that I need the protection,I would love a pair of dogs like those in this book. The Russians are beginning to scare me, they are determined and have now killed Drew's ex-wife. I agree, they have to keep the little girl safe, the Russian's wouldn't think twice about harming her.
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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It will get worse before it gets better. I appreciate your constant support.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Barbara,you really tell this chapter very well, and show the grief that Shana is feeling when she learns that Patricia has died. What next?
"Have seat." = "Have a seat."
After grinning, Jeff left. = Jeff grinned and left. I think that reads more natural
All best. Ulla;)))
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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Hi Barbara,you really tell this chapter very well, and show the grief that Shana is feeling when she learns that Patricia has died. What next?
"Have seat." = "Have a seat."
After grinning, Jeff left. = Jeff grinned and left. I think that reads more natural
All best. Ulla;)))
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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I messed around with the second suggestion you had before I posted. I was making it much for difficult than it needed to be. LOL Thank you.
Comment from Sankey
There;s that build up of suspense to keep us coming back again and again. Well done. One spag and a comment coming up. "Have (a)seat." He held a chair.
Loved this "Great, now I'm under dog arrest, again."
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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There;s that build up of suspense to keep us coming back again and again. Well done. One spag and a comment coming up. "Have (a)seat." He held a chair.
Loved this "Great, now I'm under dog arrest, again."
Comment Written 04-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 04-Nov-2018
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I have made that correction. Those crazy little words.
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Yes fer shore. I was just saying to Ulla I can't count the number of times I have gone in to correct errors mentioned by reviewers only to find more I missed previously! Sigh!
