Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 102 "Chapter Einunddreissig part one"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
21 total reviews
Comment from Sefiros
The premise is solid. I would have liked to know why the dogs acted as they did: perhaps something on Shana triggered the response: heroin dust, and the like. Maybe an antagonist came in, doused Shana without her knowing (an accidental "bump" while jogging), and bam! The dogs are in attack mode.
I don't feel much either way about Patricia, but that's because you built her up so well as an antagonist. Maybe there's one final twist: she changed her will so Drew won't keep Emily. Manipulation from beyond the grave.
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
  |
The premise is solid. I would have liked to know why the dogs acted as they did: perhaps something on Shana triggered the response: heroin dust, and the like. Maybe an antagonist came in, doused Shana without her knowing (an accidental "bump" while jogging), and bam! The dogs are in attack mode.
I don't feel much either way about Patricia, but that's because you built her up so well as an antagonist. Maybe there's one final twist: she changed her will so Drew won't keep Emily. Manipulation from beyond the grave.
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
-
Never thought of manipulation from the grave, but either in my next post or the one after that we will get more information about Drew's and Patricia's marriage. Thank you for your support.
Comment from Kelly Hanna
Another great addition! After having read a few stories with Drew and Shana, I have really grown to like the characters that you've written. The young, undeveloped love between the two makes us all want to keep reading. And the scenarios that Shana finds herself in are amusing! This is a great story so far! Keep writing!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
|
Another great addition! After having read a few stories with Drew and Shana, I have really grown to like the characters that you've written. The young, undeveloped love between the two makes us all want to keep reading. And the scenarios that Shana finds herself in are amusing! This is a great story so far! Keep writing!
Comment Written 08-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
-
Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from heart of Lou
This is getting more and more dangerous and mysterious. I haven't been following the story recently, but I still enjoyed reading it. Somebody really wants to hide their tracks. Shana needs to be careful!
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
|
This is getting more and more dangerous and mysterious. I haven't been following the story recently, but I still enjoyed reading it. Somebody really wants to hide their tracks. Shana needs to be careful!
Comment Written 07-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from apky
I suspected that the dogs must have been acting on "orders" from Anderson - you confirmed it very cleverly in the closing lines. Really smart to keep the reader wondering why the dogs acted the way they did, then reveal this at the end by "showing, not telling."
Brilliant. I wish I had a six left for this one, Barbara.
with their hind-ends pushed against her. ~ the dogs really had their hinds physically pushed against her, and not just "towards" her? This would be very curious indeed.
Anderson ran his fingers through his hair and then faced Oscar. "What happened?" ~ He loves her, so why isn't his first intinct to rush to her and ask her this question first? Even if he's not inclined to put his arms around her, he could take her hand or simply place his hands on her shoulders. Instead he's busy talking to everybody else around for a while, as if she's not there, before he finally says a word to her.
Andrew (Andrew? Is this another name for Anderson?) nodded before he glanced around the kitchen. "What's going on?"
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
|
I suspected that the dogs must have been acting on "orders" from Anderson - you confirmed it very cleverly in the closing lines. Really smart to keep the reader wondering why the dogs acted the way they did, then reveal this at the end by "showing, not telling."
Brilliant. I wish I had a six left for this one, Barbara.
with their hind-ends pushed against her. ~ the dogs really had their hinds physically pushed against her, and not just "towards" her? This would be very curious indeed.
Anderson ran his fingers through his hair and then faced Oscar. "What happened?" ~ He loves her, so why isn't his first intinct to rush to her and ask her this question first? Even if he's not inclined to put his arms around her, he could take her hand or simply place his hands on her shoulders. Instead he's busy talking to everybody else around for a while, as if she's not there, before he finally says a word to her.
Andrew (Andrew? Is this another name for Anderson?) nodded before he glanced around the kitchen. "What's going on?"
Comment Written 07-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 10-Nov-2018
-
I rewrote part of this and have Anderson holding Shana and apologizing for the dogs before he address Oscar. Thank you for pointing it out.
-
Yes, now it's more naturally convincing - I went back and read it again. Excellent.
-
Thank you.
Always a pleasure to be of assistance. And I just read the rewrite - great job!
Comment from pbomar1115
At this point, Anderson rescued Shana from two dogs. They had her corned in the kitchen as she prepared a special meal for Anderson. Someone on the property may be responsible for upsetting the dogs.
Phillip
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
|
At this point, Anderson rescued Shana from two dogs. They had her corned in the kitchen as she prepared a special meal for Anderson. Someone on the property may be responsible for upsetting the dogs.
Phillip
Comment Written 07-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 08-Nov-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
You're welcome, Barbara.
Phillip
Comment from giraffmang
Those are some well-trained dogs!
Well, things are certainly stepping up here with the removal of Patricia from the equation.
Andrew nodded before he glanced around the kitchen - should that be Anderson?
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2018
|
Those are some well-trained dogs!
Well, things are certainly stepping up here with the removal of Patricia from the equation.
Andrew nodded before he glanced around the kitchen - should that be Anderson?
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2018
-
It should be. I messed up again. Funny you're the only person who caught that. Thank you.
Comment from tfawcus
The action continues at a fast pace and your use of dialogue is great. Good action tags, too. Nice touches of humour to ease the situation without breaking the tension. Dog-napped, for instance. A good note to end on! No suggestions for improvement, apart from a comma here: "By the look on your face(,) whoever that was didn't bring good news"
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2018
|
The action continues at a fast pace and your use of dialogue is great. Good action tags, too. Nice touches of humour to ease the situation without breaking the tension. Dog-napped, for instance. A good note to end on! No suggestions for improvement, apart from a comma here: "By the look on your face(,) whoever that was didn't bring good news"
Comment Written 06-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review. I will make that correction.
Comment from Lisa Heath
This is the start of a good book or play. The reviewer can relate to be being stalked before and coming through it safely. Let me know how much farther you come along with this article, please. Lisa Heath
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2018
 |
This is the start of a good book or play. The reviewer can relate to be being stalked before and coming through it safely. Let me know how much farther you come along with this article, please. Lisa Heath
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 06-Nov-2018
-
WOW!! I am ending this 80,000 word novel. I wish you would read before you rate.
Comment from country ranch writer
seems things are starting to heat up around there and someone is still making an effort to get to Shana good thing the dogs are there to protect her.
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
|
seems things are starting to heat up around there and someone is still making an effort to get to Shana good thing the dogs are there to protect her.
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review.
-
Smiles.
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
I really must have those dogs, Barbara! They are my favourite characters! LOL. Loyal, loving, what more can a girl wish for? Okay, perhaps their billionaire owner as well! lol. Loved this part, my friend, and you are getting toooooo good at these cliff-hanger endings! What is the commotion about? Dogs back to protection mode! Wonderful, my friend! :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
 |
I really must have those dogs, Barbara! They are my favourite characters! LOL. Loyal, loving, what more can a girl wish for? Okay, perhaps their billionaire owner as well! lol. Loved this part, my friend, and you are getting toooooo good at these cliff-hanger endings! What is the commotion about? Dogs back to protection mode! Wonderful, my friend! :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 05-Nov-2018
reply by the author on 05-Nov-2018
-
Thank you for the kind review. When I was very young, I had a German Shepherd for a babysitter, sort of. LOL
