Comment from dragonpoet

Excellent

The beginning sounds just like Halloween and all the things we see in horror movies but then it changes to horrors of real life. To sadly the forgotten of war. I like the end reminding us again of the coming of Halloween. Good luck in the contest.

Keep writing

Joan

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Thanjks, Joan.

I'm not a great believer in the supernatural, but I do like to partake in these contests, so I make my own kind of Halloween reality. It's mainly a made-up celebration anyway!

Steve

Comment from kiwijenny

Excellent

A very neat poetic fest of everyone's worst nightmare fare...
Me it would be a locked room, a closed trunk...or chin hair.
We're here....great last line
Good luck
God bless

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Thanks, Jenny.

I set out to write a totally different kind of poem, but the rhyme and rhythm took over!

Steve

Comment from nancy_e_davis

Excellent

They're everything scary, seems to me. The undesirable and the eerie. This is a good poem for the contest. Full of things that go bump in the night. LOL Good luck Steve. Nancy:>)

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Thanks, Nancy. There are enough scary things in the world without having to make up more for Halloween.

Steve

reply by nancy_e_davis on 01-Nov-2018

I agree Steve. I have never liked Halloween and I didn't send my children out to Trick
or Treet. I gave them parties and what was left over from what I bought for the children who did. It was not safe so my children didn't go. (With my knowledge.) LOL

Comment from AngieDee

Excellent

Very entertaining for a Halloween poem. I really like the descriptives. Not the usual jack-o-lanterns and black cat type. This one took me to another place-a view through the back window. Chilly!! Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Thanks, Angie.
I'm not a great believer in the supernatural, but I do like to partake in these contests, so I make my own kind of Halloween reality. It's mainly a made-up celebration anyway!

Steve

Comment from bichonfrisegirl

Excellent

SIX STARS (virtual). Terrific Halloween poem, Steve! You did a great job on this piece. Taking everyone's darkest fears and lumping them together in this write is a stroke of brilliance. I love the repetition of "we are" and "we know". Great impact in your concluding lines "we're coming, we're coming, we're closer, we're here!"

I love it all, and the imagery that you've created is superb. Special standouts for this reader are: "When you're alone, we are the shock; the telephone or the late-night knock" and "We are the footstep on the stair; the whispered words when no one's near".

Best wishes for the contest with this great Halloween poem!

Cheers,
Connie

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Connie, thanks for the great review and the virtual six - much appreciated. I set out to write a poem that was much more free verse, but the rhymes and meter just took over until I couldn't ignore them.

Steve

reply by bichonfrisegirl on 01-Nov-2018

Your muse had a mind of its own. :)

Comment from Insider98

Excellent

That was spooky! An amazing entry! The flow and aabb rhyme scheme are handled perfectly. The subject is very ominous in its nature, making this poem very gripping and an amzing entry. I wish you good luck!

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Thank you for the very kind words. I started out to write a free verse, but the rhyme and rhythm took over. Sometimes you just have to follow what the poem tries to tell you.

Steve

Comment from CD Richards

Excellent

This is really excellent, Steve. A truly horrifying tale, without the slightest hint of supernatural, except for possibly right at the end; but even then, not necessarily. Humanity itself is far more scary than any ghouls we can imagine.

I did find myself wondering why, when you had the option of sticking to strict iambic tetrameter in every line, you varied one line in most stanzas. That's probably just me being pedantic, it certainly flows well enough.

I don't have a six left to give you, but I think this is a great entry, and I suspect I might well have just one more reason never to speak to you again (as if beating us in BOTH rugby codes wasn't enough).

Best of luck,
Craig

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Thanks, Craig - my belief entirely that 'Humanity itself is far more scary than any ghouls we can imagine.' An idea that keeps popping into my writing in one form or other.

You are the only reviewer who has commented on the meter. I did start out to write a vastly different piece, more free verse or freestyle, but the rhymes and rhythm kept pushing in until I just gave in to them. I still think that the darkness of the content is probably better expressed in free verse, so I didn't worry about the occasional variation. Anyway, the thing does still seem to flow quite nicely.

Thanks again for the thought-provoking review and the virtual six.

Steve

Comment from Earl Corp

Exceptional

Best Halloween poem I've read, this should be the winner. Your poem hit almost all the criteria I rate poetry on. It rhymed, it made sense, and it entertained me immensely. Good luck in the contest.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Thanks, Earl - glad you enjoyed this so much. Plenty of other entertaining stuff in my portfolio if you care to take a peek - you just have to skip past all the short poems FS is so keen on!

PS Enjoyed your 'Gotta show up' story. What a tale and what an achievement!

Steve

Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

I could imagine this being spoken by the Chorus in a Greek tragedy. It has a tempo and a rhythm that would resound through the amphitheatre! Who needs the invented horrors of Hallowe'en, when we have so many real ones in the world? A nightmare army on the collective conscience of mankind. Chilling.

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Thanks, Tony. How are things going over on your peninsula?

You are dead right that we don't need to invent new horrors. Halloween has been somewhat thrust upon us anyway, muscling Mr Fawkes out of the way.

I found your comment about the tempo/rhythm interesting. I set out to write a free verse piece, believing that was better suited to the content, but these lines kept pushing into my head, so I let them have their way. In fact, the meter is not particularly regular, but it does flow, doesn't it?

Steve

Steve

reply by tfawcus on 01-Nov-2018

All good here. Preparing for a long, hot summer, cutting firebreaks, etc. Just acquired a 7-week old Schnauzer to keep us on our toes - and three chooks.

Comment from Y. M. Roger

Exceptional

Well, this is certainly a wonderfully well -written piece....so well done, in fact, that it really creeped me out!! :) ;) You have an awesome ease about your rhythm and rhyme such that even though the genre is not 'my cup of tea', I simply had to finish it because it truly has a melody of its own that the reader feels building toward a crescendo, and, just as they say folks can't look away from a train wreck, I simply had to read to the end! ;) So, excellent writing here...oh! and that crescendo? SO worth the read! ;) :) Thanx for sharing and, not that I think you'll need it with such a great write, good luck in the contest! :) Yvette

 Comment Written 31-Oct-2018

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reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018

Yvette, thanks for the wonderful review and the six shiny stars. I am glad the poem got to you. The good thing about rhyming couplets is that you can mix and match them to a certain extent, so I spent some time swapping them in and out until I got that crescendo effect.

BTW Congratulations on your win in the recent 4-line poem contest.

Steve