The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 22 "The Bangkok Connection"A Novel
28 total reviews
Comment from estory
You shed a little light here on how Jeanne Durand and Helen got together, Jeanne helping Helen to write travel articles. But I still don't see the mafia connection. Why are they so interested in Helen and her sister, to kidnap her? The dialogue is crisp and the descriptions of the scene are strong and we are right there in the middle of them as they hash this out. And you set up the next movement of the story; trying to hide from the French mob. So more romance and mystery and intrigue is in the offing. estory
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018
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You shed a little light here on how Jeanne Durand and Helen got together, Jeanne helping Helen to write travel articles. But I still don't see the mafia connection. Why are they so interested in Helen and her sister, to kidnap her? The dialogue is crisp and the descriptions of the scene are strong and we are right there in the middle of them as they hash this out. And you set up the next movement of the story; trying to hide from the French mob. So more romance and mystery and intrigue is in the offing. estory
Comment Written 30-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 01-Nov-2018
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Thanks, estory. The Mafia connection will become a bit clearer soon. I appreciate your comments about the dialogue. All the best, Tony
Comment from Lady Jane
with a suspicion of blue rinse(d) through it
I'm thinking something fishy is afoot, dear Tony. What a wonderful chapter you've composed here. The writing was solid and the plot, well...I already said, I sense something a wee bit fishy :) That journal is the source of much controversy. Great writing with solid dialogue and pacing. Nothing not to like here, dear. Until next installment,
Janelle
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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with a suspicion of blue rinse(d) through it
I'm thinking something fishy is afoot, dear Tony. What a wonderful chapter you've composed here. The writing was solid and the plot, well...I already said, I sense something a wee bit fishy :) That journal is the source of much controversy. Great writing with solid dialogue and pacing. Nothing not to like here, dear. Until next installment,
Janelle
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 30-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Janelle. I appreciate your suggestion and your supportive comments. I?ve now changed ?rinse? to ?rinsed?.
Comment from lyenochka
Another well done chapter that really keeps the reader engaged. There are about two places where I had to re-read to figure out who was talking. The second reading made it clear so your writing is fine but you might consider adding some action tags to remind us who is talking.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Another well done chapter that really keeps the reader engaged. There are about two places where I had to re-read to figure out who was talking. The second reading made it clear so your writing is fine but you might consider adding some action tags to remind us who is talking.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Helen. Quite a few people here are telling me to remove as many speech tags as possible, but I rather agree with you. It can become quite confusing when there aren't enough of them. I guess I still need to work on getting the balance right - especially when there are more than two people in a conversation. I appreciate your comment. Best wishes, Tony
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That's why I suggested action tags because we know characteristics of each person. The narrator could scratch his beard. Mme Durand could be rubbing an injury etc.
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OK. I understand the difference. These also help to round out the characters. Thanks.
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I miss Turtle. She was superb at action tags.
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I've just had a quick look at her portfolio Some great examples in the last piece she posted - back in January.
Comment from BeasPeas
This is a very good chapter, Tony. Descriptive, interesting. I like especially how in paragraph five and six you've contrasted Madame Durand with Helen as fairy godmother and Cinderella. Great job throughout. Marilyn
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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This is a very good chapter, Tony. Descriptive, interesting. I like especially how in paragraph five and six you've contrasted Madame Durand with Helen as fairy godmother and Cinderella. Great job throughout. Marilyn
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Marilyn. Appreciated. Tony
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
The Mafia! They don't want to be messing with them! Oh, my word! This is a really interesting part, Tony. This Madame Durand has a story to tell, and I can't wait to hear it. I'm wondering about going to the flat, do you think the mafia's thugs might be waiting around in the hope she goes there? They could be in big trouble. You've left us a lovely hook at the end, my friend. Another excellent part! :) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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The Mafia! They don't want to be messing with them! Oh, my word! This is a really interesting part, Tony. This Madame Durand has a story to tell, and I can't wait to hear it. I'm wondering about going to the flat, do you think the mafia's thugs might be waiting around in the hope she goes there? They could be in big trouble. You've left us a lovely hook at the end, my friend. Another excellent part! :) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Sandra. The heat's been turned up a notch now that the Mafia are involved. They may have their work cut out, escaping this situation!
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I'm looking forward to what comes next. :))
Comment from Mastery
Good hook at the end, Tony. It will definitely keep pulling in your readers. The entire chapter is propelled by very natural dialogue between Helen and Charles.
Bringing the mafia into the story means a whole new ballgame, my friend. Do you have an end game in mind? Publishers don't like to accept manuscripts over 240,000 words, that much I know. (Unless of course your name is James Patterson or the like) LOL Blessings, Bob
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Good hook at the end, Tony. It will definitely keep pulling in your readers. The entire chapter is propelled by very natural dialogue between Helen and Charles.
Bringing the mafia into the story means a whole new ballgame, my friend. Do you have an end game in mind? Publishers don't like to accept manuscripts over 240,000 words, that much I know. (Unless of course your name is James Patterson or the like) LOL Blessings, Bob
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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I don?t anticipate exceeding 240,000 words! I had in mind around a third of that amount, or maybe slightly less. I?m up to around 20,000 so far - so a way to go yet! I?m generally only posting around a thousand words at a time, so will probably be amalgamating some of the chapters.
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I do not believe going to the apartment to check on the journal is a very good idea. I think they should stay far away from it and maybe sneak into another country. LOL Great job.
Helen forced a smile, and said, "I hope you're right." (This is very picky but you can drop 'and said')
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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I do not believe going to the apartment to check on the journal is a very good idea. I think they should stay far away from it and maybe sneak into another country. LOL Great job.
Helen forced a smile, and said, "I hope you're right." (This is very picky but you can drop 'and said')
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thanks for the advice - I?ll pass it on to Charles and Helen! LOL. Appreciate the six stars and speech tag tip. All the best, Tony.
Comment from Sankey
Good work again.No spags, shock horror. Plenty of drama and hints of more of the same to come down the road. Keep up the good work and I, as always, look forward to more of this soon.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Good work again.No spags, shock horror. Plenty of drama and hints of more of the same to come down the road. Keep up the good work and I, as always, look forward to more of this soon.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Sankey. The pace is hotting up a bit now. Appreciate your review, as always. Tony
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written chapter and it seems all the loose ends are starting to get together. It looks like the document holds all the answers they need to complete the quest.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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A very well-written chapter and it seems all the loose ends are starting to get together. It looks like the document holds all the answers they need to complete the quest.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Sandra. The pace is hotting up a bit now. Appreciate your review, as always. Tony
Comment from Adri7enne
Lots of action. Your character, Mme Durant, is starting to flesh out into an interesting addition to the story. The actions of the past are coming to have quite an effect on the present moment situation. These Mafia people come across as being pretty ruthless. I'm enjoying the read. It's well paced, easy to follow and sounds possible. Well done, Tony.
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Lots of action. Your character, Mme Durant, is starting to flesh out into an interesting addition to the story. The actions of the past are coming to have quite an effect on the present moment situation. These Mafia people come across as being pretty ruthless. I'm enjoying the read. It's well paced, easy to follow and sounds possible. Well done, Tony.
Comment Written 29-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 29-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Adrienne. Glad that you are finding it marginally plausible. I was beginning to wonder! Very kind of you to bestow six stars. All the best, Tony.
