The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "The French Mob"A Novel
31 total reviews
Comment from LaRosa
Since I have come into your story late, I'll need to go back and play catch-up. Looks like I missed some good stuff in the last chapter. The Corsican Flag --- they must be pretty violent. What an image for a flag!
Charles must be a jewel among men to accept future involvement so calmly.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Since I have come into your story late, I'll need to go back and play catch-up. Looks like I missed some good stuff in the last chapter. The Corsican Flag --- they must be pretty violent. What an image for a flag!
Charles must be a jewel among men to accept future involvement so calmly.
Comment Written 26-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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You are right! It's a strange flag for a nation! It has an interesting history, and I understand it to symbolise freedom. There was quite a furore when the Corsican mafia also adopted it as their flag!
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okay, now I hafta look it up. Amazing the directions a quick read will take us!
Comment from Pearl Edwards
No wonder Madame Durand passed out, I think I would too. LOL
I always thought there was going to be more to Helen than we at first thought. A tense moment between these three, well told Tony, easy to visualize and a great place to finish, leaving us hanging.
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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No wonder Madame Durand passed out, I think I would too. LOL
I always thought there was going to be more to Helen than we at first thought. A tense moment between these three, well told Tony, easy to visualize and a great place to finish, leaving us hanging.
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 26-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Many thanks for the six stars, Valda. Glad you are continuing to enjoy this rather complicated story! It certainly seems that Madame Durand had a frightening experience at the hands of the mafia. I wonder what she had done to upset them so much.
Comment from Mastery
Hello, my friend. Well written chapter, Tony. Your conversations between the characters seem so natural and informative. Lots of real hard action in this chapter, isn't there?
Be careful with your use of adverbs like this for instance: " I looked at her accusingly" (Adverbs are the dandelions of good writing. Writers generally use them as a crutch modifier instead of a more strong viable verb to modify the action or noun.)
Further
Suggestions: In your recap: You first paragraph needs to be a better "hook" to draw the reader in. This pertains to all chapters always, Tony.
Perhaps this: "There appeared to be no sign of Helen." (Theen work around that to include the rest.
Also this: "and burst into a flood of tears." This does not ring right for some reason. "burst into tears is okay, but the flooding has to be in a different context, like "Tears flooded her eyes."
Brilliant writing, Tony. Bob
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Hello, my friend. Well written chapter, Tony. Your conversations between the characters seem so natural and informative. Lots of real hard action in this chapter, isn't there?
Be careful with your use of adverbs like this for instance: " I looked at her accusingly" (Adverbs are the dandelions of good writing. Writers generally use them as a crutch modifier instead of a more strong viable verb to modify the action or noun.)
Further
Suggestions: In your recap: You first paragraph needs to be a better "hook" to draw the reader in. This pertains to all chapters always, Tony.
Perhaps this: "There appeared to be no sign of Helen." (Theen work around that to include the rest.
Also this: "and burst into a flood of tears." This does not ring right for some reason. "burst into tears is okay, but the flooding has to be in a different context, like "Tears flooded her eyes."
Brilliant writing, Tony. Bob
Comment Written 26-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Thanks very much, Bob. Some good advice here. I've re-read and found that you are right - there is a significant outbreak of adverbs in the central part of this episode. I'll need to go back and do a spot of weeding.
I've shortened the transition between this and the last chapter and will have a think about the bursting of the dam and the ensuing flood.
A particularly helpful review. However, I am out of 'thumbs' for the month.
All the best, Tony
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Thanks Tony. No worry about thumbs. I am glad to help, always so...Bob
Comment from Zue65
Oh my goodness I can't wait to read the next post. This story is too good for the big screen. The scenes are intense-filled and can fully absorb the interest and attention of the readers. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Oh my goodness I can't wait to read the next post. This story is too good for the big screen. The scenes are intense-filled and can fully absorb the interest and attention of the readers. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Very many thanks for your enthusiastic review, Nassus. Much appreciated! Tony
Comment from Debbie Pope
I think that your writing is getting better with each passing chapter. I missed some of your jokes, but they would have been inappropriate in this more serious chapter. I did not know that there was such a thing as the Corsican mafia, which operated out of Le Milieu. This is pretty heavy handed stuff, and I am totally engaged.
I have no six stars and this chapter deserves one for sure.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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I think that your writing is getting better with each passing chapter. I missed some of your jokes, but they would have been inappropriate in this more serious chapter. I did not know that there was such a thing as the Corsican mafia, which operated out of Le Milieu. This is pretty heavy handed stuff, and I am totally engaged.
I have no six stars and this chapter deserves one for sure.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Thanks for these encouraging remarks, Debbie. I haven't written a novel before and am only now beginning to feel a fluency of thought beginning to emerge. Rather like a beginning rider who is learning to synchronise his bum with the movement of the horse. I may have to go back and have another look at the earlier chapters eventually. However, for the time being, I shall press on in blinkers, intent upon the finishing post.
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I think that is a wonderful approach. I am enjoying the unfolding.
Comment from lyenochka
Oh, so Mme Durand was in Bangkok, too? This story gets much more complicated but still very interesting! I like that you made the female characters so strong and able to defend themselves. Good touch of humor with the fainting at the sight of the knife.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Oh, so Mme Durand was in Bangkok, too? This story gets much more complicated but still very interesting! I like that you made the female characters so strong and able to defend themselves. Good touch of humor with the fainting at the sight of the knife.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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I hope that I can iron out some of the complications before the end of this saga! I'm beginning to feel like a juggler with one too many balls in the air! Glad that I'm still managing to maintain your interest! Most encouraging to hear that! Best wishes, Tony
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I am thinking we are about ready to learn the story that I've been waiting to hear, so I can get all these questions answered. I have many questions. Do I need to go to Bangkok? I am feeling we may need a trip there.
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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I am thinking we are about ready to learn the story that I've been waiting to hear, so I can get all these questions answered. I have many questions. Do I need to go to Bangkok? I am feeling we may need a trip there.
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 26-Oct-2018
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Yes, Bangkok is beginning to sound like the place where the crux of the story plays out - or at least a place that brings some of the loose ends together. Thanks for hanging in! I appreciate it.
Comment from krys123
Bravo! Exciting! Mysterious!
> Cheers, Tony;
> All very mysterious is Helen and Charles are finding out how deep their involved with the French Mafia in the Corsican Mafia.
>Mdm. Durand Is then quite deepAnd she is about to tell Charles how deep she is within the Mafia. And I'm kinda confused visit Helen who knows the octopus or is it Mme. Durand. It's Helen isn't it, because it wasn't very quite clear when I finished the story?
>Anyway, I enjoyed the intensity of learning how advanced, or how intricate they are involved with the Mafia and what to do and what actions to take if they are.
They probably are so they need to take the actions, anyway.
>It moves along very well, the context, and read fluently.
> I'm enjoying this very much is not really interested in how and what they're going to do.
> Thanks for sharing and caring, Tony, take care and have a good one especially with all your family loves you dearly.
Alx
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Bravo! Exciting! Mysterious!
> Cheers, Tony;
> All very mysterious is Helen and Charles are finding out how deep their involved with the French Mafia in the Corsican Mafia.
>Mdm. Durand Is then quite deepAnd she is about to tell Charles how deep she is within the Mafia. And I'm kinda confused visit Helen who knows the octopus or is it Mme. Durand. It's Helen isn't it, because it wasn't very quite clear when I finished the story?
>Anyway, I enjoyed the intensity of learning how advanced, or how intricate they are involved with the Mafia and what to do and what actions to take if they are.
They probably are so they need to take the actions, anyway.
>It moves along very well, the context, and read fluently.
> I'm enjoying this very much is not really interested in how and what they're going to do.
> Thanks for sharing and caring, Tony, take care and have a good one especially with all your family loves you dearly.
Alx
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Good to hear from you, Alex. I enjoyed reading your comments about this chapter. Best wishes to you and your family, too. Tony
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You're very welcome, Tony and good luck on your future endeavors and your future writing of the story. Keep it endearing and intriguing.
Alx
Comment from damommy
Oh, goody. Now we get the whole story. I knew those men were something like the mafia. Not people one wants to encounter.
I could be wrong, but isn't the feminine version of Jean 'Jeanne?'
-Do you have a thing about kn[i]ves?
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Oh, goody. Now we get the whole story. I knew those men were something like the mafia. Not people one wants to encounter.
I could be wrong, but isn't the feminine version of Jean 'Jeanne?'
-Do you have a thing about kn[i]ves?
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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Thanks, Yvonne. Yes, Jim mentioned that, too. Jean is also a girls' name in France, but rare. I think you are both right, that I should change it to the more common French version - and I have just gone back through and done so. Thanks, too, for picking up that strange word 'knoves'! In its excitement, my finger strayed to an adjacent key. LOL
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My fingers stray a LOT.
Comment from Sankey
We Aussies have a special style in our writing. I guess I should try my hand at Fiction, ha. Now for spags, suggestions and some Jokularity in expressions.(")You may jest, but without the help of Henri and his redoubtable mutt, Bonaparte, we'd have been in dire trouble. Anyway, who's Jean?(")
Love all the quirky remarks...doing a good impression of a dead fish etc...
Another cute remark...my very favourite umbrella.
Full of great expressions...hehe "Learning how to be an octopus?"
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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We Aussies have a special style in our writing. I guess I should try my hand at Fiction, ha. Now for spags, suggestions and some Jokularity in expressions.(")You may jest, but without the help of Henri and his redoubtable mutt, Bonaparte, we'd have been in dire trouble. Anyway, who's Jean?(")
Love all the quirky remarks...doing a good impression of a dead fish etc...
Another cute remark...my very favourite umbrella.
Full of great expressions...hehe "Learning how to be an octopus?"
Comment Written 25-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 25-Oct-2018
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You should give it a go, Geoff. I'm finding it more entertaining than I expected, though needing a certain discipline. Thanks for the read ad review, and for picking up the error. Appreciated.
