Broken You
A realization about promises.38 total reviews
Comment from CD Richards
Your piece made me think... very few people have ever actually promised me anything, which is probably a good thing, as it greatly reduces the chances of disappointment :)
Quite a profound observation, that broken promises might quite well be a symptom of broken people. I hadn't actually thought about that before.
Very nice job with this triple minute poem, best of luck with it :)
Craig
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Your piece made me think... very few people have ever actually promised me anything, which is probably a good thing, as it greatly reduces the chances of disappointment :)
Quite a profound observation, that broken promises might quite well be a symptom of broken people. I hadn't actually thought about that before.
Very nice job with this triple minute poem, best of luck with it :)
Craig
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you for the review. I was hesitant to submit this and waited until the last minute.I have not had this experience that often, but when I did experience it, it really threw me and made me think why people would promise in the first place if they weren't capable of keeping the promise.
I appreciate the review and you telling me your thoughts :-)
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Thank you for the review. I was hesitant to submit this and waited until the last minute.I have not had this experience that often, but when I did experience it, it really threw me and made me think why people would promise in the first place if they weren't capable of keeping the promise.
I appreciate the review and you telling me your thoughts :-)
Comment from patcelaw
+It seems in today's hurried world that people so quickly promise something and never follow through. I find this true in my own family and sometimes I am guilty of the same, but I try hard not to promise something if I cannot fulfill the promise. Patricia
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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+It seems in today's hurried world that people so quickly promise something and never follow through. I find this true in my own family and sometimes I am guilty of the same, but I try hard not to promise something if I cannot fulfill the promise. Patricia
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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I think we all tend to believe that we will do what we promised, but sometimes we can't. It doesn't mean we are all broken, except for when it comes to love I think. I think a broken person can't promise love, because they still need more of it and they still need to get their act together. Thank you for sharing a little bit of yourself and telling me how you felt about the poem. I really appreciate the stars but. also how you feel about the poem so thank you very much. Have a great Wednesday!
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I think we all tend to believe that we will do what we promised, but sometimes we can't. It doesn't mean we are all broken, except for when it comes to love I think. I think a broken person can't promise love, because they still need more of it and they still need to get their act together. Thank you for sharing a little bit of yourself and telling me how you felt about the poem. I really appreciate the stars but. also how you feel about the poem so thank you very much. Have a great Wednesday!
Comment from poesyapprentice
You did a good job with this form. The rhyming, syllable count, and word choice made this poem flow smoothly. When I read "you're broken too" my mind immediately went to you both being broken, but there was no indication elsewhere in the poem which supported that thought, and upon rereading it became clear that you were referring to the promise as the other thing being broken, along with to whomever you were speaking .People not keeping their word in regards to anything is a major pet peeve of mine. I understand there are times when emergencies prevent people from following through, but it seems to me that it is more common than not for people to make empty promises or bs statements they don't really mean and think it's no big deal. Whatever happened to the attitude of "my word is my bond"? Meaning what she says and following through is one thing I really stress with my ten year old, and I think more parents should do the same. Lol, your work got me started ; ) Very relatable piece. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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You did a good job with this form. The rhyming, syllable count, and word choice made this poem flow smoothly. When I read "you're broken too" my mind immediately went to you both being broken, but there was no indication elsewhere in the poem which supported that thought, and upon rereading it became clear that you were referring to the promise as the other thing being broken, along with to whomever you were speaking .People not keeping their word in regards to anything is a major pet peeve of mine. I understand there are times when emergencies prevent people from following through, but it seems to me that it is more common than not for people to make empty promises or bs statements they don't really mean and think it's no big deal. Whatever happened to the attitude of "my word is my bond"? Meaning what she says and following through is one thing I really stress with my ten year old, and I think more parents should do the same. Lol, your work got me started ; ) Very relatable piece. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Your review made my day! And my day is just starting, so it's going to be a good one LOL. I appreciate you taking the time to delve into your own feelings and how this poem affected you. I agree wholeheartedly that sometimes we can't keep promises we make, but if we are honorable, we consider carefully before we make the promises, and we do everything in our power to keep them. You made me think of a pet peeve of mine...It is my pet peeve when someone says I'm praying for you, or I'm praying for them offhand. This offends me because prayer is not something to
" just say" half-heartedly. I know that many of the people that will tell someone else on Facebook or whatever that they are praying for them, they probably never will. That might sound judgemental but I used to be that person who would say that and not pray. And then one day I made a vow to myself and to God that I would never ever say that to someone again without praying right then and there, so I wouldn't have the excuse of forgetting. Now you can pardon me this time for going on and on about my pet peeve. Have a great Wednesday!
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Your review made my day! And my day is just starting, so it's going to be a good one LOL. I appreciate you taking the time to delve into your own feelings and how this poem affected you. I agree wholeheartedly that sometimes we can't keep promises we make, but if we are honorable, we consider carefully before we make the promises, and we do everything in our power to keep them. You made me think of a pet peeve of mine...It is my pet peeve when someone says I'm praying for you, or I'm praying for them offhand. This offends me because prayer is not something to
" just say" half-heartedly. I know that many of the people that will tell someone else on Facebook or whatever that they are praying for them, they probably never will. That might sound judgemental but I used to be that person who would say that and not pray. And then one day I made a vow to myself and to God that I would never ever say that to someone again without praying right then and there, so I wouldn't have the excuse of forgetting. Now you can pardon me this time for going on and on about my pet peeve. Have a great Wednesday!
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Lol, no problem. Pet peeves often develops for personal reasons like yours. My ex used to promise my kids things all the time and never follow through and I became determined that would never be me doing that to them or anyone else if I could possibly help it, so when I see other people do it then it really bothers me. Maybe our pet peeves bother us so much because we feel if we can be sincere then others can too and just are choosing not to do so? I'm glad my review was a good day maker for you ;- )
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That's exactly it! Why shouldn't we all do our best and be genuine?
If I can do it, then for darn
sure anybody can LOL. I
am often scatterbrained
and hyper, but for some
reason my husband still
loves me!
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Agree, we should. I have this philosophy that I thought might be helpful to share regarding your pet peeve. It's based on the scientific fact that we give meaning, usually subconsciously, to every experience we have in our lives. The good thing is that we can also Consciously choose the meaning we give events, so, when something happens that I perceive negatively, I ask myself if I have irrefutable proof that what I believe to be true actually is. If the answer is no, I then ask myself what other possible meaning Could be true. Usually there's a much more positive possible meaning, so I decide to believe what makes me feel good instead of irritated or upset. In most cases you probably don't know whether people who say they are going to pray actually do or not, so you could try choosing to believe they will and maybe then you won't be annoyed by them saying it. : ) I use it for all kind of circumstances and it helps a lot! Just a thought : )
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I appreciate you taking the time
To share that with me.
I knew when I wrote that, it
Sounded judgemental.
It was hard for me to
describe how I felt, and In
What circumstances I
Was peeved. I rarely get
Peeved so to be more precise,
I wonder, more than anything,
If people actually pray, or just
Say that to be nice, because
Everyone says it, often!
I guess what they are
Really saying is, "I care. That's
a good thing.
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I appreciate your gracious reply. One never really knows how such things will be received, but I've found that when I make the effort to try and offer something which might be helpful to others that it's the best reminder to myself to practice my own suggestions. : ) I didn't take it as you being judgmental because it's quite normal to view things through the lens of our own experiences. A wise person once taught me that any belief we don't question automatically becomes our truth. He said it in reference to my answer of why I believed, religiously, like I did. I was raised that way and just took what I was taught as "gospel", but then after letting his statement sink in I had to ask if my beliefs were actually mine or the beliefs of my family and pastor I had blindly accepted. It was a sobering moment, and I have come to apply those words of wisdom to many aspects of my life. Getting into the habit of questioning my automatic thoughts and reactions for truth and possible alternative truths took time, and I don't always remember, but I'm happier when I do. Thanks for listening to me ramble, lol. I'm actually a major introvert, but I believe everything happens for a reason. ; )
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I agree, nothing is by accident :-) thank you so much for taking the time to have this conversation and share part of yourself and give me an opinion and a little bit of advice. I take no offense at all. Like you said, it is good to question your beliefs and then it reaffirms what you do believe and it remind you to follow the beliefs that are important and are good for humankind :-)
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Perfectly said. I have enjoyed our messaging and look forward to future convo. ; )
Comment from meeshu
This is a pleasure to read. Your writing is strong and the language is powerful. Very well penned, Tina. a promise is only as good as the person giving it. I really like what you've done with the Minute form here, often used for frivolous writing. you've kept it serious and it works, nice job....................meeshu
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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This is a pleasure to read. Your writing is strong and the language is powerful. Very well penned, Tina. a promise is only as good as the person giving it. I really like what you've done with the Minute form here, often used for frivolous writing. you've kept it serious and it works, nice job....................meeshu
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much! Your opinion means a lot to me. You summarized the poem well when you said that the promise is only as good as a person making it. This is the first minute poem I have ever done, and honestly I wasn't sure I wanted to submit it , so I balked until the very last minute.No pin intended, but there ya go! I appreciate you! Have a great Wednesday :-)
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Thank you so much! Your opinion means a lot to me. You summarized the poem well when you said that the promise is only as good as a person making it. This is the first minute poem I have ever done, and honestly I wasn't sure I wanted to submit it , so I balked until the very last minute.No pin intended, but there ya go! I appreciate you! Have a great Wednesday :-)
Comment from Lady Jane
So very poignantly written and true. Broken promises sting like salt in a wound. Your proufiund words flowed well with food meter and excellent rhyme. The structure worked well and your image was solid. Nice entry into the contest. The notes, I dare say, will hit many to the core. I think we've all been there, done that. Good luck, dear writer, and may you have better days ahead. Till we meet again round FanStory's table, adieu.
Janelle
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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So very poignantly written and true. Broken promises sting like salt in a wound. Your proufiund words flowed well with food meter and excellent rhyme. The structure worked well and your image was solid. Nice entry into the contest. The notes, I dare say, will hit many to the core. I think we've all been there, done that. Good luck, dear writer, and may you have better days ahead. Till we meet again round FanStory's table, adieu.
Janelle
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Your review made me smile, because I could tell you connected to it. I have connected to many of your things as well. Thank you for taking the time to tell me how you felt about it and that it was constructed well. This is my first minute poem, and I was afraid so I didn't submit it until 10 minutes before the deadline LOL. But then I thought... Why not just do whatever I feel like doing and call it an adventure :-) thank you again. I wish you a wonderful day :-)
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Your review made me smile, because I could tell you connected to it. I have connected to many of your things as well. Thank you for taking the time to tell me how you felt about it and that it was constructed well. This is my first minute poem, and I was afraid so I didn't submit it until 10 minutes before the deadline LOL. But then I thought... Why not just do whatever I feel like doing and call it an adventure :-) thank you again. I wish you a wonderful day :-)
Comment from lyenochka
Such a compassionate way to put it. In some ways, every human is broken. But some more than others and their brokenness makes it too difficult to follow through a reciprocate in a loving relationship.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Such a compassionate way to put it. In some ways, every human is broken. But some more than others and their brokenness makes it too difficult to follow through a reciprocate in a loving relationship.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Exactly, you got it! When I wrote the poem originally, it was much longer and deeper, but I wanted to cut to the Chase and make it more like a short story. I agree with you. I do believe every human is broken in some way, some more than others. We all have our crosses to bear, so to speak. Thank you for the review, and especially for telling me what you felt when reading it.
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Exactly, you got it! When I wrote the poem originally, it was much longer and deeper, but I wanted to cut to the Chase and make it more like a short story. I agree with you. I do believe every human is broken in some way, some more than others. We all have our crosses to bear, so to speak. Thank you for the review, and especially for telling me what you felt when reading it.
Comment from Pamusart
Hi Tina. I hope you are well tonight. This looks like a good entry for the contest. I noticed your rhyme scheme was aabb except for one stanza
"I stood upon this oath secure
I'll be all yours". Maybe a regional thing. But what if you did this?
"I stood upon this oath secure
I was assured"
Just something to think about.
This flowed really well. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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Hi Tina. I hope you are well tonight. This looks like a good entry for the contest. I noticed your rhyme scheme was aabb except for one stanza
"I stood upon this oath secure
I'll be all yours". Maybe a regional thing. But what if you did this?
"I stood upon this oath secure
I was assured"
Just something to think about.
This flowed really well. Good luck in the contest. Thank you for sharing
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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No way! It bothered me so I just now was looking at that !
Thank you so much!
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I think
I was so sure
Is your answer! What do you think? Smile
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Let me peek at it again:)
Comment from DonandVicki
The few words that you chose speak volumes and the simple image that you chose to enhance your writing was an excellent choice, very well written.
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reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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The few words that you chose speak volumes and the simple image that you chose to enhance your writing was an excellent choice, very well written.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 16-Oct-2018
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Thank you. I did it in a hurry, thinking the deadline was Thursday! I appreciate reading what you thought!
