Death by Delivery
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "Facing the Enemy"Nick takes down criminals that cost him his job.
13 total reviews
Comment from Ulla
Hi Mistydawn, this is a fine read. This is a fine continuation to the story. The sheer horror of it all is very well described, But now they're onto his tail. What is Nick going to do now? All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Hi Mistydawn, this is a fine read. This is a fine continuation to the story. The sheer horror of it all is very well described, But now they're onto his tail. What is Nick going to do now? All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 19-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Thank you for the great review, I'm so glad you liked the story. It does look like Jeff is in some hot water for sure.
Thank you again for all your help, support, friendship, it means a lot to me take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Mistydawn
between the scene with Nick trying to figure out where to hide the drugs and you leaving wondering why the police believe Nick has a gun.
And my goodness of how you wrote and the described the horrific scene of what the detectives; Sharon and Rachel found when they entered the building once was A hospital in the war, and a home for wayward girls too.
Must be read by other FS reviewers to read!
Gert
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Hello Mistydawn
between the scene with Nick trying to figure out where to hide the drugs and you leaving wondering why the police believe Nick has a gun.
And my goodness of how you wrote and the described the horrific scene of what the detectives; Sharon and Rachel found when they entered the building once was A hospital in the war, and a home for wayward girls too.
Must be read by other FS reviewers to read!
Gert
Comment Written 19-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for your fabulous review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Nick thought he was a gonner and it was all a joke. Of course, Nick didn't think it was too funny.
Thank you again for your wonderful review, all your help support and friendship, it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from apky
This chapter had a variety of stuff for every reader, I guess. You stay true to your mix of CSI and Law & Order themes, and you do them so well. Of course I had to swallow often about the poor ME and his duties - what else is an ME to do but deal with it. But the swallowing too, proves that you got to the reader and produced some emotional impact. Which is super!
The three pull up to what's left of a decaying structure(delete-, and add-.) It's one of the few places that hasn't been demolished.
Keep going, lady!
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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This chapter had a variety of stuff for every reader, I guess. You stay true to your mix of CSI and Law & Order themes, and you do them so well. Of course I had to swallow often about the poor ME and his duties - what else is an ME to do but deal with it. But the swallowing too, proves that you got to the reader and produced some emotional impact. Which is super!
The three pull up to what's left of a decaying structure(delete-, and add-.) It's one of the few places that hasn't been demolished.
Keep going, lady!
Comment Written 19-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 19-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for your exceptional review, fabulous six star and wonderful review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. The Me's job is one I wouldn't want that's for sure.
Thank you again for such a remarkable review, your friendship all your high praise, it means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Gross! I don't know how MEs or the police deal with dead decaying bodies. I know I couldn't. Well it looks like Nick is in big trouble. Have to wait until the next chapter to find out. Well done. Rox
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Gross! I don't know how MEs or the police deal with dead decaying bodies. I know I couldn't. Well it looks like Nick is in big trouble. Have to wait until the next chapter to find out. Well done. Rox
Comment Written 18-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 18-Oct-2018
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Thank you for your kind review and all your support. I don't know how they do it either, or why for that matter. To each their own I guess. I just know it's something I wouldn't want to pursue;
Thank you again for your wonderful review, all your support and friendship. It means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
Fine continuation of the story here with the bodies being discovered and Nick's current predicament.
Nick nervously glances around his car, hoping he can figure out where to stash the drugs.-this is a bit repetitive as he's already pondered this at the end of the previous instalment.
enough gas to make it to far - too far.
Nick realizes the cop is still in his car when he peeks in the rearview mirror - the first piece of this sentence is a different size and is highlighted.
Watch out for your adverb usage. it's on the increase in this instalment, especially early on.
He runs past Sharon with such force it nearly knocks her over.- this is very hyperbolic. Rushing past someone is very unlikely to do this, unless he brushes her.
I could try and stash it, but where? It'd have to be a place they wouldn't think to look. - again this is covered previous instalment and at the start of this one.
All the best
G
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reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Hi there,
Fine continuation of the story here with the bodies being discovered and Nick's current predicament.
Nick nervously glances around his car, hoping he can figure out where to stash the drugs.-this is a bit repetitive as he's already pondered this at the end of the previous instalment.
enough gas to make it to far - too far.
Nick realizes the cop is still in his car when he peeks in the rearview mirror - the first piece of this sentence is a different size and is highlighted.
Watch out for your adverb usage. it's on the increase in this instalment, especially early on.
He runs past Sharon with such force it nearly knocks her over.- this is very hyperbolic. Rushing past someone is very unlikely to do this, unless he brushes her.
I could try and stash it, but where? It'd have to be a place they wouldn't think to look. - again this is covered previous instalment and at the start of this one.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for reading my post and for all of your help. It's always greatly appreciated. I took out the last sentence at the end of three so it won't be repeated in four. I do have a question. How would I show his thoughts go back to that without it seeming repetitive?
Thank you again for all your help, I've seen a lot of improvements in my writing, thanks to you. For that, I'll always be grateful, take care.
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Thank you so much for reading my post and for all of your help. It's always greatly appreciated. I took out the last sentence at the end of three so it won't be repeated in four. I do have a question. How would I show his thoughts go back to that without it seeming repetitive?
Thank you again for all your help, I've seen a lot of improvements in my writing, thanks to you. For that, I'll always be grateful, take care.
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You could have him discount some places. So show him ding it rather than just pondering it.
Comment from KatyM
Hey there, So is this the second book to the other one you had on here? I liked one of the ex-con's last name....Andy Moffit. Pretty cool! lol As always I have no addition or subtractions. I would get sick too seeing dead corpses. YUCK! I can only handle it when it is on tv. (csi)
Happy Writing,
Katy
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Hey there, So is this the second book to the other one you had on here? I liked one of the ex-con's last name....Andy Moffit. Pretty cool! lol As always I have no addition or subtractions. I would get sick too seeing dead corpses. YUCK! I can only handle it when it is on tv. (csi)
Happy Writing,
Katy
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you for your great review. I haven't the foggiest why anyone would want to be an ME. Seeing dead bodies all the time, how horrific. To each their own I guess.
Thank you again for your kind review and all your support, friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
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Thank you for your great review. I haven't the foggiest why anyone would want to be an ME. Seeing dead bodies all the time, how horrific. To each their own I guess.
Thank you again for your kind review and all your support, friendship, it means a lot to me, take care.
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Yeah I wouldn't be a good ME. lol Although I like watching shows that have ME's. One of my favorite shows was Rizzoli and Isles and they took it off about 2 years ago. Just an FYI, I put you in my COWABUNGA WRITING GROUP for Facebook. We are doing a writing challenge this week on 7 days of creative writing group and then next week we will have another challenge on Cowabunga. We write 1000 words a day or 7000 for the week. Are you going to be in the NaNoWri for November?
ttyl katy
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Good chapter. He doesn't have a gun, but he has the device. He coould give the cops an overdose. That would look pretty bad.
Split this overlong paragraph
HERE-->search my car. || Signaling, Nick pulls to the side
HERE--> him so long?" || His mind drifts back
and HERE--> hard to do. || A few minutes later
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Good chapter. He doesn't have a gun, but he has the device. He coould give the cops an overdose. That would look pretty bad.
Split this overlong paragraph
HERE-->search my car. || Signaling, Nick pulls to the side
HERE--> him so long?" || His mind drifts back
and HERE--> hard to do. || A few minutes later
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for your review and your helpful suggestions. I greatly appreciate any advice you can give me. It's how I learn and grow. I can come up with all kinds of storylines, but putting them on paper, that's quite a challenge.
Thank you again for all your help, support, friendship, it means a lot to me.
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Thank you so much for your review and your helpful suggestions. I greatly appreciate any advice you can give me. It's how I learn and grow. I can come up with all kinds of storylines, but putting them on paper, that's quite a challenge.
Thank you again for all your help, support, friendship, it means a lot to me.
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Always glad to help if I can. You're a good writer so you really don't need much. We all need SOME suggestions, though. Me too. :)
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Thank you for saying that.
Comment from GinnieD
"make it to far" should be "make it too far". Seems "Nick" is in a heap of hot water with drugs in his vehicle and a possible tie-in to murders committed. He has several good reasons to fear being pulled over by the coppers. Detailed death scene with the four bodies "Rachel" investigates. Lot of ongoing action illustrated. Plenty of human reactions to the grisly discovery of the mutilated corpses. A certain mystery as to why so many bodies keel over from "tainted" drugs keeps the storyline intriguing.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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"make it to far" should be "make it too far". Seems "Nick" is in a heap of hot water with drugs in his vehicle and a possible tie-in to murders committed. He has several good reasons to fear being pulled over by the coppers. Detailed death scene with the four bodies "Rachel" investigates. Lot of ongoing action illustrated. Plenty of human reactions to the grisly discovery of the mutilated corpses. A certain mystery as to why so many bodies keel over from "tainted" drugs keeps the storyline intriguing.
Comment Written 17-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you for your kind review and for catching my mistake. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. It does seem like Nick is over his head or is he? Lol.
Thank you again for your great review it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
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Thank you for your kind review and for catching my mistake. I'm glad you enjoyed the story. It does seem like Nick is over his head or is he? Lol.
Thank you again for your great review it's always greatly appreciated, take care.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
This well handled. I like how you have different setting and plots going on at the same time, as on TV. Your characters are very realistic and your plots very timely. You create just enough suspense and mystery. The reader is drawn in with the first scenario and will read the rest in hopes to get back to the car stop. It interesting how many pulls you have for the readers. Some might be more interested in the cadavers or in the mystery around the OD's. Your dialogue is well done. There is never a question as to who is speaking. Good job.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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This well handled. I like how you have different setting and plots going on at the same time, as on TV. Your characters are very realistic and your plots very timely. You create just enough suspense and mystery. The reader is drawn in with the first scenario and will read the rest in hopes to get back to the car stop. It interesting how many pulls you have for the readers. Some might be more interested in the cadavers or in the mystery around the OD's. Your dialogue is well done. There is never a question as to who is speaking. Good job.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for your kind review and for all your encouragement. I'm so glad you enjoyed this chapter. Knowing the reader enjoys my work makes it all worthwhile.
Thank you again for your wonderful review, and for stopping by again, I greatly appreciate it, take care.
Comment from DonandVicki
You pulled me into the story with the title and the opening line, I will have to go back and get caught up, The dialogue is well crafted. Don and Vicki.
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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You pulled me into the story with the title and the opening line, I will have to go back and get caught up, The dialogue is well crafted. Don and Vicki.
Comment Written 16-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 17-Oct-2018
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Thank you so much for such a great review, I'm so glad you enjoyed the chapter, the storyline. Your kind words make all the hard work worthwhile. thank you again for your wonderful review, take care.
