An Agent's query letter
My effort at writing a query letter13 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Bob,
Thank you for sharing your query letter with us.
Right off the starting point - unless you have a personal relationship with this agent/editor, I would NOT address them with their first name.
Does the submission guidelines suggest to send pages of the manuscript? If not, the synopsis will have to be the seller and send the manuscript pages IF asked.
From the first paragraph and your description of this publisher, it does sound like it may be a 'collaborative' publisher. They may charge you to print the book and expect you to do all the marketing on your own. (Just one of those things I found when I was researching publishers.)
Good luck to you,
~MP~
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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Hi, Bob,
Thank you for sharing your query letter with us.
Right off the starting point - unless you have a personal relationship with this agent/editor, I would NOT address them with their first name.
Does the submission guidelines suggest to send pages of the manuscript? If not, the synopsis will have to be the seller and send the manuscript pages IF asked.
From the first paragraph and your description of this publisher, it does sound like it may be a 'collaborative' publisher. They may charge you to print the book and expect you to do all the marketing on your own. (Just one of those things I found when I was researching publishers.)
Good luck to you,
~MP~
Comment Written 06-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 08-Oct-2018
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You are the second reviewer to suggest the inappropriateness of addressing the Agent by name, I've changed that in my template. Your other two points have been taken into account. I always provide precisely what the Agent's submission requirements state. They are all different. And in regard to paying an Agent, that is a definite no no.
Thanks Mustang Patty for stopping by and offering suggestions.
Comment from country ranch writer
I find a short synopsis of what your story is about is in order wanting them to read more of what your story about makes them contact you for more. leave them wanting more of everything you have to offer and write about.
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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I find a short synopsis of what your story is about is in order wanting them to read more of what your story about makes them contact you for more. leave them wanting more of everything you have to offer and write about.
Comment Written 05-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 06-Oct-2018
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I hope it works. Thanks for reading and commenting. Hope you have an enjoyable weekend
Comment from Benny Beeharry
Hi I want to send you all the congratulations for the writing successes and wish ou the best in the future.
Your style solid and really good , is your asset...go ahead and be successful.
Danny Jock
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
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Hi I want to send you all the congratulations for the writing successes and wish ou the best in the future.
Your style solid and really good , is your asset...go ahead and be successful.
Danny Jock
Comment Written 04-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
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Thank you for the nice words and best wishes. I really appreciate them.
Comment from frogbook
This surely sparked my interest and I am thinking it would do the same for a publisher. I think it shows just the right amount of business and a bit of your personal life also.
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
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This surely sparked my interest and I am thinking it would do the same for a publisher. I think it shows just the right amount of business and a bit of your personal life also.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 04-Oct-2018
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Let's hope it brings success. Statistically I understand my chances are remote, about 3 in one hundred attract an agent, but here's hoping. Thank you for reviewing.
Comment from Dawnya
Others will concentrate on SPAG, so I'll look at content unless I can't help myself. :)
Comments written as I read the letter.
I assume that you will not address the agent by her first name in the actual letter. It's not professional.
I can think of no reason to place the word "fiction" in all caps.
Speculative fiction can be defined in different ways, but it usually means science fiction or fantasy. It sounds like your book is an alternative history book. If it takes place in today's world, it doesn't really meet that definition. I don't know the content of your book, so I can't tell for sure. (I see later that it is a thriller. I've only seen thrillers called speculative fiction when it takes place in the future or at least the near future.)
I actually don't see a reason for the paragraph beginning with "Speculative fiction..." The only thing new or of note is the name of the main character. His parents have already been named. So after the sentence "Few names..." start the sentence about the birth of their son and Marilyn's death.
Since Jackson was not raised in an orphanage, there is no reason to mention that. I'm assuming it's a small plot point. The timeline is presented strangely. I wouldn't worry about naming the exact times (number of days/hours), since again it's a small plot point. On the other, Jackson's first 20 years are skipped. It's a bit of an odd choice. I guess it's hard to judge without knowing your book.
I feel like I'm missing some main facts and selling features. Is Veronica Waters or Jackson Moffatt the main character? Does the story focus primarily when Jackson/Veronica are in their 50's/70's, or his youth or what time? (I see this is made clear in a following synopsis.)
Besides the fact that he's the son of a two famous parents, why will the readers care about Jackson? Is he an actor? a politician? an artist? an ordinary family man? What's your hook? (Explained in synopsis.)
The more I read, the less I think this is speculative fiction which makes me wonder what genre is the book. Is it told as a mystery, a family drama, or that generic of terms, literary fiction. Since the book clubs compare it to political thrillers, I assume it is a suspense/thriller. Your summary does not indicate their is any action, suspense, danger, beyond the initial kidnapping. You're underselling your story. (After reading the synopsis, your telling of the story in the letter seems like a completely different book. I understand not wanting to repeat yourself, but it really does sound like you are talking about a completely different book).
Who is Calin Roberts? He wasn't mentioned in the summary at all. (I see who he is now, but this is completely out of the blue.)
Please explain how you and Baldacci got in contact with each other. I would only include this in you can use it as an actual selling point--you're ambitious, you have connections, you're writing has been noticed, etc. Otherwise it falls a bit flat.
I like the little insight into your private life. It shows a good deal of humor and a sense of your personality.
Okay, the synopsis changes everything. I'll add to the above notes, now that I have a much different and clearer picture of your book. I've tried to be honest, and I hope it comes out as helpful instead of critical.
Here are some things to consider:
Try selling the book (in the letter) as a believable story given the extraordinary nature of the main character's birth and parentage. Most people would not have such an exciting and dangerous life.
If you researched JFK and Marilyn, mention that in your letter. If so, did you add historical facts to add to interest and credibility?
Do you have expertise that relates to your book? For example, I always find it relevant and a selling point if the author of a legal thriller is/was a lawyer.
How did you prepare for writing this book?
How does your book stand out from other thrillers? What makes it worthy of comparison to Lee Child or Vince Flynn?
I have no special knowledge of query letters. Just some honest feedback that may or may not be useful. Good luck.
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
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Others will concentrate on SPAG, so I'll look at content unless I can't help myself. :)
Comments written as I read the letter.
I assume that you will not address the agent by her first name in the actual letter. It's not professional.
I can think of no reason to place the word "fiction" in all caps.
Speculative fiction can be defined in different ways, but it usually means science fiction or fantasy. It sounds like your book is an alternative history book. If it takes place in today's world, it doesn't really meet that definition. I don't know the content of your book, so I can't tell for sure. (I see later that it is a thriller. I've only seen thrillers called speculative fiction when it takes place in the future or at least the near future.)
I actually don't see a reason for the paragraph beginning with "Speculative fiction..." The only thing new or of note is the name of the main character. His parents have already been named. So after the sentence "Few names..." start the sentence about the birth of their son and Marilyn's death.
Since Jackson was not raised in an orphanage, there is no reason to mention that. I'm assuming it's a small plot point. The timeline is presented strangely. I wouldn't worry about naming the exact times (number of days/hours), since again it's a small plot point. On the other, Jackson's first 20 years are skipped. It's a bit of an odd choice. I guess it's hard to judge without knowing your book.
I feel like I'm missing some main facts and selling features. Is Veronica Waters or Jackson Moffatt the main character? Does the story focus primarily when Jackson/Veronica are in their 50's/70's, or his youth or what time? (I see this is made clear in a following synopsis.)
Besides the fact that he's the son of a two famous parents, why will the readers care about Jackson? Is he an actor? a politician? an artist? an ordinary family man? What's your hook? (Explained in synopsis.)
The more I read, the less I think this is speculative fiction which makes me wonder what genre is the book. Is it told as a mystery, a family drama, or that generic of terms, literary fiction. Since the book clubs compare it to political thrillers, I assume it is a suspense/thriller. Your summary does not indicate their is any action, suspense, danger, beyond the initial kidnapping. You're underselling your story. (After reading the synopsis, your telling of the story in the letter seems like a completely different book. I understand not wanting to repeat yourself, but it really does sound like you are talking about a completely different book).
Who is Calin Roberts? He wasn't mentioned in the summary at all. (I see who he is now, but this is completely out of the blue.)
Please explain how you and Baldacci got in contact with each other. I would only include this in you can use it as an actual selling point--you're ambitious, you have connections, you're writing has been noticed, etc. Otherwise it falls a bit flat.
I like the little insight into your private life. It shows a good deal of humor and a sense of your personality.
Okay, the synopsis changes everything. I'll add to the above notes, now that I have a much different and clearer picture of your book. I've tried to be honest, and I hope it comes out as helpful instead of critical.
Here are some things to consider:
Try selling the book (in the letter) as a believable story given the extraordinary nature of the main character's birth and parentage. Most people would not have such an exciting and dangerous life.
If you researched JFK and Marilyn, mention that in your letter. If so, did you add historical facts to add to interest and credibility?
Do you have expertise that relates to your book? For example, I always find it relevant and a selling point if the author of a legal thriller is/was a lawyer.
How did you prepare for writing this book?
How does your book stand out from other thrillers? What makes it worthy of comparison to Lee Child or Vince Flynn?
I have no special knowledge of query letters. Just some honest feedback that may or may not be useful. Good luck.
Comment Written 03-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
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Thank you Dawnya for providing such a detailed reply. I will adjust my next query in line with several of your suggestions. Sadly, every agent is different, but there are a number of basic essentials in writing a query letter. Firstly, it must be brief, preferably no more than four paragraphs on the actual book and a paragraph or two on the author. Secondly, most agents specify what they want. Checkout their web page and provide precisely what they seek. This particular agent requested a one page query letter, a synopsis and a set number of manuscript pages. The number varies from Agent to Agent. And thirdly, the majority of Agents don't reply. It's a bit like trying to please one's mother-in-law.
Again I thank you for a fantastic and most constructive response. It has been a great help.
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I can see how having no reply at all definitely limits your ability to know what is and is not effective in a letter. As you say, what works will change from person to person. If you post another letter, add what you've written about what every query letter should have at the end or in the author's notes. It gives those of us who are complete novices a bit of helpful direction. Best of luck. I'm glad that I was able to give any bit of help.
Comment from giraffmang
'Our agent's work collaboratively.''- couple of thing's here. Make sure the opening and closing quote marks match. Secondly, no apostrophe for agents, it's just a plural.
My novel, JFK's Other Son though FICTION - insert a comma after the book title.
I personally would omit the paragraph detailing the not writing section as most agents couldn't care less.
Make sure the prospective agent wants chapters sent in. Many don't, they're just interested in the brief outline at first shot.
All the best
GMG
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
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'Our agent's work collaboratively.''- couple of thing's here. Make sure the opening and closing quote marks match. Secondly, no apostrophe for agents, it's just a plural.
My novel, JFK's Other Son though FICTION - insert a comma after the book title.
I personally would omit the paragraph detailing the not writing section as most agents couldn't care less.
Make sure the prospective agent wants chapters sent in. Many don't, they're just interested in the brief outline at first shot.
All the best
GMG
Comment Written 03-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
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Thank you for taking the time to read and reply. I've made the changes suggested. Your comment about providing precisely what the agent requested has been adhered to here.
Comment from Dolly'sPoems
I love the idea as it is fascinating and could have happened! An inventive story with all the trappings of a successful novel in the making, good luck, a joy to read, love Dolly x
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
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I love the idea as it is fascinating and could have happened! An inventive story with all the trappings of a successful novel in the making, good luck, a joy to read, love Dolly x
Comment Written 02-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 03-Oct-2018
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I hope you're right Dolly. It would be rather nice to sample success. I'm keeping my fingers crossed
Comment from Debbie Pope
I hesitate to review this because I have no idea what I am talking about. I have never tried to publish anything. I have two impressions that I will mention. Take them with a grain of salt because, as I said, I have no experience in this area.
My first impression is that it is too long. I would think that Katherine is very busy. Your synopsis and twenty pages of text should almost speak for the book. When my daughter recently wrote cover letters to apply to medical residency programs, her medical school advisor kept saying shorten it. She would, and he would say shorten it some more. People are busy.
My other impression is really out of my league. Why does she only get 20 pages? You put the burden on her to ask for more? This may be an industry practice, in which event, then totally ignore my comment. It just seems a little rude.
Good luck with your efforts. You are a great writer.
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
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I hesitate to review this because I have no idea what I am talking about. I have never tried to publish anything. I have two impressions that I will mention. Take them with a grain of salt because, as I said, I have no experience in this area.
My first impression is that it is too long. I would think that Katherine is very busy. Your synopsis and twenty pages of text should almost speak for the book. When my daughter recently wrote cover letters to apply to medical residency programs, her medical school advisor kept saying shorten it. She would, and he would say shorten it some more. People are busy.
My other impression is really out of my league. Why does she only get 20 pages? You put the burden on her to ask for more? This may be an industry practice, in which event, then totally ignore my comment. It just seems a little rude.
Good luck with your efforts. You are a great writer.
Comment Written 02-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
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Debbie, on their agent sites, agents specifically list their requirements. This particular agent requested a one page query, a synopsis and twenty pages. Others ask for a query letter alone. Some want a synopsis. Generally the last thing they list reads something like: 'We'll only reply if your work attracts our interest.' It's a very one sided arrangement. But it remains a writer's only avenue to success.
Thank you so much for your review, especially that final sentence,
Bob
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Thank you for that, Bob. I did not mean to put that burden on you, but I was interested. Sounds like very cruel process.
Comment from kiwijenny
I have written many query letters and have not been successful yet so bear that in mind. I think this is great. The synopsis was not dull either. I liked the comparisons your reading club gave your character. But here's the thing who is the main character. By your synopsis it's Santiago . More space is given to him. In fact Jackson Moffatt isn't mentioned much in the synopsis. Write it so the main character gets top billing .
And again this is to help. I'm not an expert. This story has exciting potential.
God bless
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
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I have written many query letters and have not been successful yet so bear that in mind. I think this is great. The synopsis was not dull either. I liked the comparisons your reading club gave your character. But here's the thing who is the main character. By your synopsis it's Santiago . More space is given to him. In fact Jackson Moffatt isn't mentioned much in the synopsis. Write it so the main character gets top billing .
And again this is to help. I'm not an expert. This story has exciting potential.
God bless
Comment Written 02-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
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My strike rate's not much better, I've had two requests for a full manuscript from about 80 attempts. It was then rejected but at least it attracted some interest. We writer's though must never give up.
Thanks for the suggestion. I'll change that in future submissions. It's a very good suggestion.
Comment from ciliverde
I didn't know what a query letter was, but your piece has informed me. I have been wondering how people find publisher's, so this is helpful. Unfortunately I have no advice to give you, but I thought your letter was quite good. The novel sounds very interesting and your main character sounds like a good one.
Oh, in the leading section, this sentence has one issue:
Our agent's work collaboratively. (no apostrophe - should be Our agents)
Good luck!!
Carol
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
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I didn't know what a query letter was, but your piece has informed me. I have been wondering how people find publisher's, so this is helpful. Unfortunately I have no advice to give you, but I thought your letter was quite good. The novel sounds very interesting and your main character sounds like a good one.
Oh, in the leading section, this sentence has one issue:
Our agent's work collaboratively. (no apostrophe - should be Our agents)
Good luck!!
Carol
Comment Written 02-Oct-2018
reply by the author on 02-Oct-2018
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I'll slipped up there, I'll change it in the master copy. Thank you for bringing that to my attention.
In simple terms, a query letter is like a begging letter, you beg for representation.
