Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 96 "Chapter Neunundzwanzig Part zwei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
20 total reviews
Comment from GinnieD
Normally, I do not read Romance. Just not my cup of tea. However, have to admit the English and German caught my attention so I opened your post up. The second thing I saw were the white words in the black box. So true. The chapter begins with a phone call "Shana" realized she must answer. Paragraph two introduces an altercation over a checking account. Can't blame "Shana" for being miffed though. A good lead-in to what occurs in the post. "Anderson" realizes the error of his way. The dialogue leaves no doubt "Shana" is ticked off at "Anderson's" meddling, so he leaves her to cool off. The introduction of the Russian mafia adds another element of suspense to the storyline. "Shana" starts to realize the many ways "Anderson" has helped her previously, but still feels all he is doing is buying her. No one likes to feel that way. The ending's intrigue leaves "Shana" wondering why she feels the way she does? Plenty of action displayed throughout this post and lots of unanswered questions abound. A well written post to leave the reader in, and keep them coming back, for more. Structurally, and grammatically, spotted no errors.
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2018
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Normally, I do not read Romance. Just not my cup of tea. However, have to admit the English and German caught my attention so I opened your post up. The second thing I saw were the white words in the black box. So true. The chapter begins with a phone call "Shana" realized she must answer. Paragraph two introduces an altercation over a checking account. Can't blame "Shana" for being miffed though. A good lead-in to what occurs in the post. "Anderson" realizes the error of his way. The dialogue leaves no doubt "Shana" is ticked off at "Anderson's" meddling, so he leaves her to cool off. The introduction of the Russian mafia adds another element of suspense to the storyline. "Shana" starts to realize the many ways "Anderson" has helped her previously, but still feels all he is doing is buying her. No one likes to feel that way. The ending's intrigue leaves "Shana" wondering why she feels the way she does? Plenty of action displayed throughout this post and lots of unanswered questions abound. A well written post to leave the reader in, and keep them coming back, for more. Structurally, and grammatically, spotted no errors.
Comment Written 27-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review. I hope you drop by again.
Comment from Air Spirit
I think this is really a great chapter/book... it held my interest the entire time, and it had a theme that I could relate to: the need to be independent and to assert my independence, particularly if I feel threatened... I enjoyed your story too, because of the 'picture' -- which initially attracted me to read your story.. it drew me in.. and the theme, held my interest and kept me 'personally' attached to it because of my fierce independent streak, and then the music at the end, about 'loving you against my will' -- that is really outstanding... so you did a great job with this...
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2018
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I think this is really a great chapter/book... it held my interest the entire time, and it had a theme that I could relate to: the need to be independent and to assert my independence, particularly if I feel threatened... I enjoyed your story too, because of the 'picture' -- which initially attracted me to read your story.. it drew me in.. and the theme, held my interest and kept me 'personally' attached to it because of my fierce independent streak, and then the music at the end, about 'loving you against my will' -- that is really outstanding... so you did a great job with this...
Comment Written 26-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 26-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement. I appreciate it.
Comment from kathleenspalding
Ahhhh. We reach the final on again off again of the romance, hmmmm? ;-D Very good and well written and fine as is. But if you don't like it and want to spice it up a little -
Shana [[got back up and]] walked over to the window and glanced out. (What does she see?)
hugged a pillow. "Until now, I took excellent - if she's saying this out loud, you could add if she whispered this into the pillow, said it out loud to the dog, etc.
She could run a hand through her (color) hair (IF you haven't mentioned her hair recently, wipe her eyes on her sleeve/whatever...that kind of thing. Anything that adds sensory will make it more intense - satin pillowcase? Stinging eyes? Doggy smell? (LOL)
Have fun!
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2018
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Ahhhh. We reach the final on again off again of the romance, hmmmm? ;-D Very good and well written and fine as is. But if you don't like it and want to spice it up a little -
Shana [[got back up and]] walked over to the window and glanced out. (What does she see?)
hugged a pillow. "Until now, I took excellent - if she's saying this out loud, you could add if she whispered this into the pillow, said it out loud to the dog, etc.
She could run a hand through her (color) hair (IF you haven't mentioned her hair recently, wipe her eyes on her sleeve/whatever...that kind of thing. Anything that adds sensory will make it more intense - satin pillowcase? Stinging eyes? Doggy smell? (LOL)
Have fun!
Comment Written 25-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 29-Sep-2018
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I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to answer your review. I needed to time think about your suggestions and make some changes.
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No worries. I hope you like it now :-)
Comment from Sasha
Great work with this chapter. I like how you had Shana go over all the things Drew has done for her. Whether she likes it or not, it seems she is falling for drew and is mad at herself for doing that. Poor Drew, he meant well but didn't realize how Shana would take his offer of money. He can put $15,00 into my checking account and promise not to get mad.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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Great work with this chapter. I like how you had Shana go over all the things Drew has done for her. Whether she likes it or not, it seems she is falling for drew and is mad at herself for doing that. Poor Drew, he meant well but didn't realize how Shana would take his offer of money. He can put $15,00 into my checking account and promise not to get mad.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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I'll be happy to give him my account number and he won't have to have Philip hack into it. LOL Thank you for your wonderful support.
Comment from Mistydawn
This is a very well-written interesting chapter. I could easily picture the scene in my mind. Feel the emotions running high. Your dialogue seems natural and your characters seem real.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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This is a very well-written interesting chapter. I could easily picture the scene in my mind. Feel the emotions running high. Your dialogue seems natural and your characters seem real.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the encouragement.
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Barbara,
Poor Shana. It IS hard for an otherwise independent young woman to take so much help from someone who isn't related. I'm sure she has a lot of pent-up emotions inside her, and I'm glad you are allowing us to see her little meltdown.
Looking forward to more,
~MP~
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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Hi, Barbara,
Poor Shana. It IS hard for an otherwise independent young woman to take so much help from someone who isn't related. I'm sure she has a lot of pent-up emotions inside her, and I'm glad you are allowing us to see her little meltdown.
Looking forward to more,
~MP~
Comment Written 25-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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I think we all have a melt down once in a while. Thank you.
Comment from Artasylum
Shana is going through an interesting and frustrating time in her life... her confidence has been dropped on the floor and and Anderson is taking charge... Hmmmm. good read... Di
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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Shana is going through an interesting and frustrating time in her life... her confidence has been dropped on the floor and and Anderson is taking charge... Hmmmm. good read... Di
Comment Written 25-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
Comment from apky
Poor loving souls, Shana and Drew, both, in this drama. I can only hope that she will be able to understand Drew is being an intinctive protector while she's actually battling not so much with her pride as her feelings for him that scares her because she doesn't know how to deal with loving a man outside her family and friends. The thrilling bit is how he's going to go about it, right?
So far I'm gobbling this story up. Your excellent skill with setting scenes, your tight plotting, the flawless construction and clipping pace - all make this story an excellent read, Barbar. So sad I've spent all my sixers.
Can't wait for the next instalment.
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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Poor loving souls, Shana and Drew, both, in this drama. I can only hope that she will be able to understand Drew is being an intinctive protector while she's actually battling not so much with her pride as her feelings for him that scares her because she doesn't know how to deal with loving a man outside her family and friends. The thrilling bit is how he's going to go about it, right?
So far I'm gobbling this story up. Your excellent skill with setting scenes, your tight plotting, the flawless construction and clipping pace - all make this story an excellent read, Barbar. So sad I've spent all my sixers.
Can't wait for the next instalment.
Comment Written 25-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 25-Sep-2018
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Just getting this praise from you makes me exceptionally happy. Wow!!!
Comment from giraffmang
Shana's a trifle muddled up with her feelings and reaction here. Not surprisingly.
You're services aren't needed." - Your.
the German shepherd.- should both words be capitalised here?
I could care less- I do think this should be 'I couldn't care less'. This is commonly misused. When used as written it means it is possible to care less, rather than its intended meaning of not being possibly to.
All the best
G
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
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Shana's a trifle muddled up with her feelings and reaction here. Not surprisingly.
You're services aren't needed." - Your.
the German shepherd.- should both words be capitalised here?
I could care less- I do think this should be 'I couldn't care less'. This is commonly misused. When used as written it means it is possible to care less, rather than its intended meaning of not being possibly to.
All the best
G
Comment Written 24-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the help. I've made the corrections. Shana is growing, I hope. LOL
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Oh dear, What happens now? It's obvious Shana is in love with Drew, and he with her. But they must learn to see the others intentions are not selfish but come from their upbringings. Both are extremely nice people. Now they have this hurdle to overcome. Shana must try to learn what Drew did was not to buy her love, but genuine concern. He must learn to respect how proud Shana is, and will not tolerate what she feels is intruding on her ideals. Well done, my friend! Sandra xx
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
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Oh dear, What happens now? It's obvious Shana is in love with Drew, and he with her. But they must learn to see the others intentions are not selfish but come from their upbringings. Both are extremely nice people. Now they have this hurdle to overcome. Shana must try to learn what Drew did was not to buy her love, but genuine concern. He must learn to respect how proud Shana is, and will not tolerate what she feels is intruding on her ideals. Well done, my friend! Sandra xx
Comment Written 24-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
