Thoughts of the Moon
some rhyme17 total reviews
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written rhyming poem from the moon's point of view. We see the moon at night and we wonder what he will think of us when he sees us down here on earth.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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A very well-written rhyming poem from the moon's point of view. We see the moon at night and we wonder what he will think of us when he sees us down here on earth.
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Thanks for a great review. Elaine
Comment from Y. M. Roger
Such a fun write ... light and airy and almost fit to be a book for a young child with the right illustrations! :) Thank you for sharing that this evening...gave me a smile thinking about my boys who are mostly all 'out of the house' now ... they would have loved this! :) ;)
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Such a fun write ... light and airy and almost fit to be a book for a young child with the right illustrations! :) Thank you for sharing that this evening...gave me a smile thinking about my boys who are mostly all 'out of the house' now ... they would have loved this! :) ;)
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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I am honored by your review. Thanks so much. Elaine
Comment from kiwijenny
I am a moon, one of many rotators
come visit and explore one of my craters
I'm moon struck...I love rotators ..craters
God bless
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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I am a moon, one of many rotators
come visit and explore one of my craters
I'm moon struck...I love rotators ..craters
God bless
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Love your review. Thanks so much. Elaine
Comment from Pamusart
Hi mermaids. Your meter was mostly consistent. You had mostly eight syllable lines, but some lines had as many as eleven. That is not as important as consistent meter. I am not sure if you want feedback on that. But, here is one example. Your previous lines all went dum-DUM-dum-DUM-dum-DUM-dum-DUM-dum-DUM. Every other syllable stressed with eight syllable lines. Iambic tetrameter. With a very slight change the last line may become so as well
"I draw the seas to distant land,
as mermaids smile, evading man "
Do you hear the difference? Your reader gets used to your meter. Let me know if you want any more such feedback. I liked your poem. I love the moon. Clever to write a poem from her standpoint Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Hi mermaids. Your meter was mostly consistent. You had mostly eight syllable lines, but some lines had as many as eleven. That is not as important as consistent meter. I am not sure if you want feedback on that. But, here is one example. Your previous lines all went dum-DUM-dum-DUM-dum-DUM-dum-DUM-dum-DUM. Every other syllable stressed with eight syllable lines. Iambic tetrameter. With a very slight change the last line may become so as well
"I draw the seas to distant land,
as mermaids smile, evading man "
Do you hear the difference? Your reader gets used to your meter. Let me know if you want any more such feedback. I liked your poem. I love the moon. Clever to write a poem from her standpoint Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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I appreciate your pointing out about the meter. This is a weak point for me and I do need help. I am trying to rhyme more but need to make my rhymes smoother. Any suggestions are more than welcome. Thanks so much. Elaine
Comment from tbacha58
a witness to comets, creatures and such
my magnitude is one to reach and touch
Hello, here I am after a long time away. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts, and your picture is amazing, i loved the ending, especially your magnitude is one to reach and touch.
New compositions of phrases nowadays, attracts my attention and feelings, as i compare them to my own feelings of the moment. Love Terry xoxo
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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a witness to comets, creatures and such
my magnitude is one to reach and touch
Hello, here I am after a long time away. I really enjoyed reading your thoughts, and your picture is amazing, i loved the ending, especially your magnitude is one to reach and touch.
New compositions of phrases nowadays, attracts my attention and feelings, as i compare them to my own feelings of the moment. Love Terry xoxo
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Welcome back and thanks for an encouraging review. Elaine
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Nice image and presentation, Elaine.
-I think you did a good job imagining
what the moon would be thinking.
-Effective use of rhyme and imagery.
-I like how you included a verse on mermaids.
-I enjoyed your poem; thanks for sharing.
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reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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-Nice image and presentation, Elaine.
-I think you did a good job imagining
what the moon would be thinking.
-Effective use of rhyme and imagery.
-I like how you included a verse on mermaids.
-I enjoyed your poem; thanks for sharing.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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I appreciate your thoughtful comments and encouraging review. Thanks so much. Elaine
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You are welcome, Elaine.
Comment from judiverse
Lovely poem. You couplets rhyme effortlessly. I'm afraid I'm one who doesn't pay much attention to those heavenly wonders. It's neat to have the moon speaking. You mention the comets and other things the moon sees close-up. The moon issues an invitation to humans to come and see. You have a syllable count of eight in most of your stanzas. You start off with unaccented, accented syllable. Then you begin to go astray with more syllables in the lines. Some of these could be easily fixed by eliminating some words. For example, "remind me that I am not the planet Mars" has 11 feet. Something like "remind me that I am not Mars" would keep the syllable count at 8." Just a suggestion. You could play around with some of those later lines and she where you could eliminate words to get the eight-syllable count. judi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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Lovely poem. You couplets rhyme effortlessly. I'm afraid I'm one who doesn't pay much attention to those heavenly wonders. It's neat to have the moon speaking. You mention the comets and other things the moon sees close-up. The moon issues an invitation to humans to come and see. You have a syllable count of eight in most of your stanzas. You start off with unaccented, accented syllable. Then you begin to go astray with more syllables in the lines. Some of these could be easily fixed by eliminating some words. For example, "remind me that I am not the planet Mars" has 11 feet. Something like "remind me that I am not Mars" would keep the syllable count at 8." Just a suggestion. You could play around with some of those later lines and she where you could eliminate words to get the eight-syllable count. judi
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 21-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 27-Sep-2018
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I have been rhyming more and your point about the syllables is my weakness. I do want the poem to flow smoother. Thanks for a helpful review. Elaine
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You're very welcome. Count your syllables. If you have a line that's too long, see what you can leave out. judi
