~ Proudly Loud ~
3 Line Poem ... 5-7-5 (3rd place)16 total reviews
Comment from Aries Poet
Loved your 3 line poem! The daffodil is such a vibrant flower that beckons in spring and if it could speak it would be a loud "Wake up its, Spring and I am here in my glorious color"
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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Loved your 3 line poem! The daffodil is such a vibrant flower that beckons in spring and if it could speak it would be a loud "Wake up its, Spring and I am here in my glorious color"
Comment Written 20-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 21-Sep-2018
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Margarita, thank you for your thoughtful review on my 5-7-5 poem. I appreciate your comments and support. ~DD
Comment from RodG
I really like how you employ CONTRASTS in this short three-liner. The daffodil is literally silent, but its "vibrant color" is loud. A great metaphor chosen for your closing line. Rod
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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I really like how you employ CONTRASTS in this short three-liner. The daffodil is literally silent, but its "vibrant color" is loud. A great metaphor chosen for your closing line. Rod
Comment Written 20-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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Thank you RodG for your very supportive review on my 5-7-5 poem. I am very grateful you were able to appreciate all aspects of this short piece. ~DD
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You are very welcome. Rod
Comment from rama devi
Perfect metaphor, as the tulip does look like a megaphone. Love your satori. Love the irony of silent singing. Excellent haiku style, delivery, presentaiton, tone and form. Superb phonetics with S and L sounds. Great word economy. No nits. A strong entry! Good luck!
Warmly, rd
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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Perfect metaphor, as the tulip does look like a megaphone. Love your satori. Love the irony of silent singing. Excellent haiku style, delivery, presentaiton, tone and form. Superb phonetics with S and L sounds. Great word economy. No nits. A strong entry! Good luck!
Warmly, rd
Comment Written 20-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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Thank you kindly Rama for your very encouraging review on my 5-7-5 poem and for the sparkling six stars. I am very grateful for your insightful comments and appreciate the support. ~DD
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:-)))) xxxooo
Comment from Kelly Grim
I really like this! The daffodil as nature's megaphone singing in loud color... that's just a great metaphor! The juxtaposition of silent in the first line and sings in the second...Well done entry for this contest!
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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I really like this! The daffodil as nature's megaphone singing in loud color... that's just a great metaphor! The juxtaposition of silent in the first line and sings in the second...Well done entry for this contest!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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Thank you Kelly for your very supportive review on my 5-7-5 poem. I am happy you got all aspects of this short piece, I appreciate that. ~DD
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Very nice image and presentation, DD.
-Syllable count is good.
-Imagery is very effective in
line two with the added personification.
-The last line is a good satori line.
-Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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-Very nice image and presentation, DD.
-Syllable count is good.
-Imagery is very effective in
line two with the added personification.
-The last line is a good satori line.
-Good luck in the contest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 22-Sep-2018
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Pam, Thank you kindly for your very supportive comments on my 5-7-5 poem. I am grateful for your thorough review, as always. ~DD
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You are very welcome, DD.
Comment from Pantygynt
I just loved this. It reminded me of my ear trumpet tanka posted 12th August. Do you remember it? This is what you wrote in review:
'Pantygynt, yes wouldn't that be fantastic. Nature lending us a helping hand in every deficit we have to suffer. I like the idea of a daffodil foghorn to enhance hearing. A fun tanka poem full of imagination. ~DD'
And this was was my take on the plant:
with daffodil's help
damaged ear hears gold music
last trump approaches
as audibility fades
technology prolongs life
Don't we have fun on FanStory? History repeats. First came the tanka and the haiky was created from it. Together we would be invincible. Lol.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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I just loved this. It reminded me of my ear trumpet tanka posted 12th August. Do you remember it? This is what you wrote in review:
'Pantygynt, yes wouldn't that be fantastic. Nature lending us a helping hand in every deficit we have to suffer. I like the idea of a daffodil foghorn to enhance hearing. A fun tanka poem full of imagination. ~DD'
And this was was my take on the plant:
with daffodil's help
damaged ear hears gold music
last trump approaches
as audibility fades
technology prolongs life
Don't we have fun on FanStory? History repeats. First came the tanka and the haiky was created from it. Together we would be invincible. Lol.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 20-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Pantygynt, thank you for your enthusiastic review. I didn't have your tanka poem in mind when I wrote this piece so can't say my 5-7-5 was created from it but can see the connection - trumpet and megaphone. I was close to writing about a weed so I am glad I chose the beautiful daffodil. Yes, I think together we would be invincible :-) ~DD
