Marli's Party
A weird kind of murder.6 total reviews
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Beck,
This is a very interesting and compelling start to a story. I think the sidekick should be named something exotic to go with her psychic abilities. Jasmine or some such thing.
I like the first-person account and I hope there is more to come,
~Mustang Patty~
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Hi, Beck,
This is a very interesting and compelling start to a story. I think the sidekick should be named something exotic to go with her psychic abilities. Jasmine or some such thing.
I like the first-person account and I hope there is more to come,
~Mustang Patty~
Comment Written 20-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Thanks, Patty! I was thinking something along those lines of maybe Opal (like a clouded crystal ball)!
Thanks as always for the R&R.
Comment from Dawnya
IF you continue working on this story, I think the psychic should be the main character, not the side kick. Marli seems to be a bit too generic with no real issues--beautiful, rich, happy, has lots of friends. Now the psychic is very interesting. I bet she has a very complicated history. I see evidence of interesting quirks, intelligence, and a sense of humor. I would give the psychic someone more down to earth to keep her grounded and have Marli step in to liven up the action as needed.
For a name, her parents should ever have been clever and given her the name of an oracle or mythological character that placed a lot of expectations on her OR a name that is so plain or dull that it masks her true personality and ability. I'd favor the second to build a persona that people easily dismiss her until she lets loose her wit and ability.
Just my thoughts. Pick out anything helpful and chuck out the rest. :) Good luck.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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IF you continue working on this story, I think the psychic should be the main character, not the side kick. Marli seems to be a bit too generic with no real issues--beautiful, rich, happy, has lots of friends. Now the psychic is very interesting. I bet she has a very complicated history. I see evidence of interesting quirks, intelligence, and a sense of humor. I would give the psychic someone more down to earth to keep her grounded and have Marli step in to liven up the action as needed.
For a name, her parents should ever have been clever and given her the name of an oracle or mythological character that placed a lot of expectations on her OR a name that is so plain or dull that it masks her true personality and ability. I'd favor the second to build a persona that people easily dismiss her until she lets loose her wit and ability.
Just my thoughts. Pick out anything helpful and chuck out the rest. :) Good luck.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Thanks, Dawnya for your comments and suggestions.
I think it will be the psychic's story involving Marli, and a whole bunch of others, who come to get their fortunes read. And someone to ground the psychic when she's not "performing" is an excellent suggestion.
I'm fluctuating about that dilemma of names that is just as you wrote.
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You can "cheat" and have it both ways: one name she uses with friends (birth name or nickname) and one name when she's working as a psychic as part of her professional persona.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like this expression: "Twenty of us girls met at her parent's summer "cottage" to drink her into marriage." I like your examples of predictions that you might blurt out when drunk. They're funny. The body on the floor...you tricked us. We thought he was just passed out. Good job. Keep writing. This is an unusual theme. I don't think many write from this perspective. And you've definitely got your writing voice back. I love it.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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I like this expression: "Twenty of us girls met at her parent's summer "cottage" to drink her into marriage." I like your examples of predictions that you might blurt out when drunk. They're funny. The body on the floor...you tricked us. We thought he was just passed out. Good job. Keep writing. This is an unusual theme. I don't think many write from this perspective. And you've definitely got your writing voice back. I love it.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Liz. I think this will be MY new chapter book!
I appreciate the review so much!
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
Well, I want to read more, so please do so! I love the idea of a psychic doing her best work after a drink, lol. Does she really know he had an allergic reaction? Or is it really wishful thinking? Yes, Beck, you really must write this story! :) Sandra xx
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Well, I want to read more, so please do so! I love the idea of a psychic doing her best work after a drink, lol. Does she really know he had an allergic reaction? Or is it really wishful thinking? Yes, Beck, you really must write this story! :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 19-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Sandra! I think this psychic is only psychic when it has already happened.
I'm encouraged to write more about how they got together and some of their adventures. (Smiling) thanks again!
Comment from aryr
Wow, this was indeed a unique chapter to start with. Personally I felt there was a little too much going on. It is a great idea to write about Marli's bachelorette party and it could be spanned out over a few chapters and then add to it to cover the wedding and a hint regarding the honeymoon (ie where they are going only). I definitely do not think the main character should drink anymore. Knowing that she couldn't handle alcohol, probably caused an unnecessary death (peanut allergy). Perhaps her name could be Penelope, Daphne, Danielle. It is a good concept, good luck with your adventure, thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Wow, this was indeed a unique chapter to start with. Personally I felt there was a little too much going on. It is a great idea to write about Marli's bachelorette party and it could be spanned out over a few chapters and then add to it to cover the wedding and a hint regarding the honeymoon (ie where they are going only). I definitely do not think the main character should drink anymore. Knowing that she couldn't handle alcohol, probably caused an unnecessary death (peanut allergy). Perhaps her name could be Penelope, Daphne, Danielle. It is a good concept, good luck with your adventure, thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Thank you very much for your comments. I appreciate your time.
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welcome
Comment from Bill Schott
This story, Marli's Party, is a terrific introduction to this character. We certainly get a wide character sketch that includes her general looks, apparent powers, and her casual sense of morbidity. Sounds like it would be a fun story line on which to expand.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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This story, Marli's Party, is a terrific introduction to this character. We certainly get a wide character sketch that includes her general looks, apparent powers, and her casual sense of morbidity. Sounds like it would be a fun story line on which to expand.
Comment Written 19-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Thanks, Bill. I'm hoping to back-track into setting up Marli with many awful suitors and point out more of the "psychic's" shortcomings in predicting the future.
