Redemption
Viewing comments for Chapter 4 "She accuses the salesmen of murder "A wife gets revenge for her husbands death
15 total reviews
Comment from c_lucas
I remember a few years ago when a teenage girl killed herself because of the way her classmates treated her. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. I can relate with the character of your story.
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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I remember a few years ago when a teenage girl killed herself because of the way her classmates treated her. This is very well written with a smooth flow of words, making for a very good read. I can relate with the character of your story.
Comment Written 24-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your review and your rating. I appreciae you reading it. I am glad you can relate to my character. Thanks again for reading and your wnderful review and rating.
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You are welcome.
Comment from AdaJulie
I found this very fascinating. I'm a funny reader, I love to read but much of what I read bores me. This did, matter of fact I read it twice. It confused me a little at first but it's a great read. Good job
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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I found this very fascinating. I'm a funny reader, I love to read but much of what I read bores me. This did, matter of fact I read it twice. It confused me a little at first but it's a great read. Good job
Comment Written 24-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 24-Dec-2018
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Thank you for taking the time to read it twice. It is a chapter in a book, if you read the chapter before it you may have not been confused. Thank you for your wonderful review, and the wonderful rating.
Comment from aryr
Definitely a great chapter. You provided great details regarding not only Susie's thoughts and feelings but also in the inventory she did on Lance's possessions. It kept me wanting to read more and did indeed maintain my interest. It has a good plot line and provided a hint of suspense and mystery. Very well done. (I will return to read the previous chapters.)
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2018
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Definitely a great chapter. You provided great details regarding not only Susie's thoughts and feelings but also in the inventory she did on Lance's possessions. It kept me wanting to read more and did indeed maintain my interest. It has a good plot line and provided a hint of suspense and mystery. Very well done. (I will return to read the previous chapters.)
Comment Written 23-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 23-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your wonderful review and rating. I hope you enjoy the other chapters as well. Thank you again for reading.
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You are very welcome I am sure I will
Comment from meeshu
hi S.L. Merry Christmas! is this a flashback or is it the beginning of the story, either way I'm glad. I have been following you story but I may not have caught at the 1st installment. so this is great for me to be able to read. excellent...............meeshu
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2018
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hi S.L. Merry Christmas! is this a flashback or is it the beginning of the story, either way I'm glad. I have been following you story but I may not have caught at the 1st installment. so this is great for me to be able to read. excellent...............meeshu
Comment Written 21-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 22-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your review and ranking. Thank you for reading. If you would like to read the book from the beginning it is called redemption, and I am enjoying writing it. I am taking some true and fiction and mixing them together. Thanks again for the review, and for reading.
Comment from Rob Caudle
The story is wonderful I like your style and voice I would, however, take advantage of the Grammarly edits that are available in the bottom righthand box when you prepare your piece to post. There are many grammar errors that can easily be fixed so you work will shine more brightly.
Rob
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2018
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The story is wonderful I like your style and voice I would, however, take advantage of the Grammarly edits that are available in the bottom righthand box when you prepare your piece to post. There are many grammar errors that can easily be fixed so you work will shine more brightly.
Rob
Comment Written 21-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your review and rating. I will take your advice and do that. Thanks for reading.
Comment from Sugarray77
This is a well written short story about grieving and the twists and turns it takes... You have begun your tale with a good developing plot line and I can see it will become more intense as you progress. Well done.
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2018
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This is a well written short story about grieving and the twists and turns it takes... You have begun your tale with a good developing plot line and I can see it will become more intense as you progress. Well done.
Comment Written 21-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 21-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your wonderful review and rating. I appreciate your words and you reading this. Thank you again.
Comment from country ranch writer
Stress is the number one killer and causes on to have a heartattack and his demise is caused by putting to much stress on ones body. Revenge is in the wind.
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Stress is the number one killer and causes on to have a heartattack and his demise is caused by putting to much stress on ones body. Revenge is in the wind.
Comment Written 19-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Thank you for reading. Thank you for the wonderful review and rating.
Comment from M. R. Kelly
Fantastic start, but you need to start showing instead of telling. For example, instead of saying "Detective Case realizes this widow is a very shattered woman right now", you can say "Detective Case hesitated before his next words, choosing them carefully so as not to make her more distraught". See what I mean? Instead of stating how people are feeling, show it through their expressions and dialogue. Great work, keep writing!
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Fantastic start, but you need to start showing instead of telling. For example, instead of saying "Detective Case realizes this widow is a very shattered woman right now", you can say "Detective Case hesitated before his next words, choosing them carefully so as not to make her more distraught". See what I mean? Instead of stating how people are feeling, show it through their expressions and dialogue. Great work, keep writing!
Comment Written 18-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 19-Dec-2018
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Thank you for reading. Thank you for the wonderful review and the rating. I will make the suggested changes. Thank you again.
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Thank you for your nomination and for sharing your writing! :)
Comment from apky
You did a great job with this chapter, drawing the reader in from the beginning, then unfolding the story and conviction of Susie Morrell in such vivid descriptions and imagery. The reader simply is compelled to read on.
Wexcellent work!
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
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You did a great job with this chapter, drawing the reader in from the beginning, then unfolding the story and conviction of Susie Morrell in such vivid descriptions and imagery. The reader simply is compelled to read on.
Wexcellent work!
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
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Thank you for your awesome review and rating. Thank you for reading.
Comment from Janilou
I can certainly see how someone could feel as if their loved one was murdered by the actions of others.
Notes:
"Mrs. Morrell, a heart attack is a natural cause, not murder." Detective Case realizes he has a very distraught widow, and he needs to handle her with caution.
A few paragraphs later, you say:
Detective Case realizes this widow is a very shattered woman right now.
I would suggest removing one of these. It is a very similar observation.
That's all I found for editing purposes.
All the best,
Jan
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
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I can certainly see how someone could feel as if their loved one was murdered by the actions of others.
Notes:
"Mrs. Morrell, a heart attack is a natural cause, not murder." Detective Case realizes he has a very distraught widow, and he needs to handle her with caution.
A few paragraphs later, you say:
Detective Case realizes this widow is a very shattered woman right now.
I would suggest removing one of these. It is a very similar observation.
That's all I found for editing purposes.
All the best,
Jan
Comment Written 09-Dec-2018
reply by the author on 09-Dec-2018
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Thank you I will take your notes and make the changes. Thank you for your review and the rating. Thanks for reading.
