Sins of Chaos
Viewing comments for Chapter 21 "Be Warned/Part Two"A Novel of the Breedline series
5 total reviews
Comment from apky
Whew! You do have some very powerful characters in your story. I'm always amazed at how you plot an endless variety of both emotional and physical conflicts again and again. This is the sort of talent I don't think I'll ever master. I'm hopeless with conflict - it makes me cringe to kill my darlings!
Brilliant, tightly plotted, flawlessly constructed and paced.
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Drakon cocked at(a) brow, signaling his approval.
He'd been hit with a silver bullet in the left buttock, but nothing major. ~ this made me laugh so hard, despite the tense and dangerous situation!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
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Whew! You do have some very powerful characters in your story. I'm always amazed at how you plot an endless variety of both emotional and physical conflicts again and again. This is the sort of talent I don't think I'll ever master. I'm hopeless with conflict - it makes me cringe to kill my darlings!
Brilliant, tightly plotted, flawlessly constructed and paced.
====
Drakon cocked at(a) brow, signaling his approval.
He'd been hit with a silver bullet in the left buttock, but nothing major. ~ this made me laugh so hard, despite the tense and dangerous situation!
Comment Written 20-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
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Thank you dear friend :)
So glad you enjoyed another chapter. I do love hearing your feedback, plus your advise is awesome!
I do like to add a little humor in my story. Life can't be too serious. The character, Gunny is a guy my Carl was deployed with. He loved the character I made up that was inspired by him. He fits Gunny perfectly. LOL!
Thanks so much girl! BTW, I have all your Golden series on my book shelf in my writing office. Love them!
Always your fan,
Shana :)
Comment from ngage
Fantastic chapter, Ms. Shana! Great photo and action packed! The scene with the Breedline trading Steven to the bad guys for Abbey was realistic and fun to read. You had me glued to the computer screen! Your action scenes are superb girl.
The last part was also exciting and captivating. I like the two detectives in your story. Believable characters!
Looking forward to more!
Nate
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Fantastic chapter, Ms. Shana! Great photo and action packed! The scene with the Breedline trading Steven to the bad guys for Abbey was realistic and fun to read. You had me glued to the computer screen! Your action scenes are superb girl.
The last part was also exciting and captivating. I like the two detectives in your story. Believable characters!
Looking forward to more!
Nate
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Nate :)
I'm so excited you liked this chapter. My reward is to entertain my readers. You sure know how to make a girl have confidence. I thank you for all your dedication my friend.
Hugs,
Shana :)
Comment from rwilliam
That photo, it looks like it's looking straight at me. EEKKK lol good one.
Yes, sir," he said, raising his voice over the engine of the chopper.--Nit pick :)) but maybe make the 'yes sir' in all caps to give it force, especially since he's talking over the chopper's engine. Just a thought.
"What the hell arrre you still doing herrre, Zeke?" she said aloud in frustration, --maybe just me but I don't think you need the word 'aloud' here. It throws of the feel of the scene for me. Just a thought. :)))
"I don't--" Confusion closed her mouth. "I don't know what you'rrre talking about." --I'm not sure if you meant to write it this way but the word 'you'rre' has 3 r's.
You really write the combat scenes very well. I wonder if your sweetie has inspired you in that way. It's very believable. Great writing!
I enjoyed this chapter. I liked both scenes. You really know how to hold the readers attention. I look forward to reading more. Keep 'em coming girl. Proud of you.
Hugs, Your fan,Becca
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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That photo, it looks like it's looking straight at me. EEKKK lol good one.
Yes, sir," he said, raising his voice over the engine of the chopper.--Nit pick :)) but maybe make the 'yes sir' in all caps to give it force, especially since he's talking over the chopper's engine. Just a thought.
"What the hell arrre you still doing herrre, Zeke?" she said aloud in frustration, --maybe just me but I don't think you need the word 'aloud' here. It throws of the feel of the scene for me. Just a thought. :)))
"I don't--" Confusion closed her mouth. "I don't know what you'rrre talking about." --I'm not sure if you meant to write it this way but the word 'you'rre' has 3 r's.
You really write the combat scenes very well. I wonder if your sweetie has inspired you in that way. It's very believable. Great writing!
I enjoyed this chapter. I liked both scenes. You really know how to hold the readers attention. I look forward to reading more. Keep 'em coming girl. Proud of you.
Hugs, Your fan,Becca
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Thank you girl! :)
Yes, you are right. Carl has helped with the guns and sorts, but I worked hard to do my own fighting scenes. Thank goodness for google! LOL!
The 3 r's are just how she sounds out her words because she speaks in Russian. I sure do thank you for the tips. It's always so helpful. Another pair of eyes makes the difference. Your awesome!
Thanks for your support. It means a lot. :)
Always your fan,
Shana :)
Comment from fm wright
Each chapter just seems to get more and more exciting while it stays on track. This one was indeed well written. I could find absolutely nothing wrong with it except it left me wanting more. Thanks for the read.
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Each chapter just seems to get more and more exciting while it stays on track. This one was indeed well written. I could find absolutely nothing wrong with it except it left me wanting more. Thanks for the read.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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WHOO-HOO! Thank you my friend :)
Your feedback is the reward I so look forward to. If I can entertain my readers, my work is a success. Your support helps me keep my confidence. You make a difference!
Thanks so much!
Hugs,
Shana :)
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Thank you. I really look forward to reading this storyline.
Comment from royowen
Zeke really cares about Yelena, so when she vanishes with Appollyon, he's disarmed. How to cope with this? Previously Steven has given up to Steele's men in exchange for Abbey. So now the real work begins, great episode dear, great inventiveness, bless you, Roy
Typo."I don't know what (yourrrr're) talking about."
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Zeke really cares about Yelena, so when she vanishes with Appollyon, he's disarmed. How to cope with this? Previously Steven has given up to Steele's men in exchange for Abbey. So now the real work begins, great episode dear, great inventiveness, bless you, Roy
Typo."I don't know what (yourrrr're) talking about."
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 20-Sep-2018
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Thank you Roy :)
Sorry I took a while to respond. I've been busy getting my house ready for a guest.
This chapter was both rewarding and exhausting to write. LOL! I'm glad you enjoyed. I do appreciate your feedback. Your opinion means a lot to me. Big hug!
The 3 r's is there because Yelena sounds her words out that way because she is Russian. But thanks for pointing that out. :)
Always your fan,
Shana :)
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No need to apologise dear girl
