Palpable Fear
When light no longer prevails...36 total reviews
Comment from Ogden
Your intense Cinquain about nighttime fright expresses a universal experience. I hope you won't mind my suggesting something I believe would make it more effective, observing the required syllable count.
Because fright cannot crawl from under the bed, I'd address that, while making the poem a bit scarier. I recommend putting a period after 'night,' and changing line three to 'something under my bed,' and continue with, perhaps, 'threatens my life, causing me dread.'
Please feel free to use any of these ideas, or to tell me to mind my own business. ;)
Don
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Your intense Cinquain about nighttime fright expresses a universal experience. I hope you won't mind my suggesting something I believe would make it more effective, observing the required syllable count.
Because fright cannot crawl from under the bed, I'd address that, while making the poem a bit scarier. I recommend putting a period after 'night,' and changing line three to 'something under my bed,' and continue with, perhaps, 'threatens my life, causing me dread.'
Please feel free to use any of these ideas, or to tell me to mind my own business. ;)
Don
Comment Written 19-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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I never mind suggestions, Don -- in fact, I very much appreciate them so, thank you! :) :) And thank you so much for stopping by and taking the time for the review -- it truly means a lot that you did so! :) ;) Here's wishing you a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
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You're welcome, Yvette, and thank you for your most unconventional wishes.
Don
Comment from Artasylum
I love this Y.M. the image is great! The words are compelling reminding me of younger years when I used fly from across the room to get into bed... terrorized by my constant intruder. great job. yours, diana
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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I love this Y.M. the image is great! The words are compelling reminding me of younger years when I used fly from across the room to get into bed... terrorized by my constant intruder. great job. yours, diana
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Thank you so very much for the review, Diana -- and I used to make a mad dash as well! :) :) It seems the dark and I have a love-hate relationship: it loves to seriously spook me once in a while (convinced it conspires with my mind!) and I hate to (actually cannot) sleep in a room with any light...thus, the poem! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and may you have a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
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Y.M... I'm sorry for this disturbance you suffer... What a difficult situation you find yourself in... you are living in a dichotomy no light/no dark equal no sleep and that is a difficult prospect. I'm so sorry. I always enjoy stopping by to read you poems... so, the pleasure is mine. yours diana
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Thanx for your lovely thoughts, Diana -- I have good nights and bad nights...mostly good: sleep for a few hours, wake up WIDE awake, read until I relax, at which point I either go back to sleep if there's still a few hours or get up early for the day. :) :) Just go with the hand you're dealt, I suppose, just don't let it get to me! :) :) Take care over there on the coast, Beautiful Lady! :) Yvette
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Well just write, write and write some more and maybe the words will help. I'm sending love and saying prayers. yours di
Comment from frogbook
Nice. A scary cinquain-not usually seen. Always enjoy a little scare. Well described in this short amount of words. Best of luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Nice. A scary cinquain-not usually seen. Always enjoy a little scare. Well described in this short amount of words. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 19-Sep-2018
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Thank you so very much for the review, frogbook -- always appreciate the time for a read from a fellow author! :) :) It seems the dark and I have a love-hate relationship: it loves to seriously spook me once in a while (convinced it conspires with my mind!) and I hate to (actually cannot) sleep in a room with any light...thus, the poem! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and may you have a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
Comment from Cheryl1957
Short and scary! Very nice job at conveying a frightful situation. This would make a good Halloween poem. I like the last line "Don't move!" That says it all. Thanks for sharing!
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Short and scary! Very nice job at conveying a frightful situation. This would make a good Halloween poem. I like the last line "Don't move!" That says it all. Thanks for sharing!
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Thank you so very much for the review, Cheryl -- always appreciate the time for a read from a fellow author! :) :) It seems the dark and I have a love-hate relationship: it loves to seriously spook me once in a while (convinced it conspires with my mind!) and I hate to (actually cannot) sleep in a room with any light...thus, the poem! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and may you have a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
Comment from hari anand
How perfect is your cinquain poetry... Each words create a dreadful picture in readers mind.. In such limited count you have built a scene. Loved it.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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How perfect is your cinquain poetry... Each words create a dreadful picture in readers mind.. In such limited count you have built a scene. Loved it.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Wow, hargunanand! You just made my whole week! :) Thank you so very much for the review and those wonderful stars -- such a gratifying yet humbling greeting when I opened my browser a little bit ago! :) :) Funny thing, it seems the dark and I have a love-hate relationship: it loves to seriously spook me once in a while (convinced it conspires with my mind!) and I hate to (actually cannot) sleep in a room with any light...thus, the poem! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and may you have a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
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😊✌
Comment from Bill Schott
This cinquain, Palpable Fear, has the right formatting and reminds me of the night terrors my son had as a child. They still affect him somewhat, but he understands it now.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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This cinquain, Palpable Fear, has the right formatting and reminds me of the night terrors my son had as a child. They still affect him somewhat, but he understands it now.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Thanx for the review, Bill -- one of mine went through a phase of night terrors....think they scared me more than him - they can scream a lot louder than those little bodies would have you believe! :) :) Scared the ever-lovin' beejeebers out of me! :) Funny thing, it seems the dark and I currently have a love-hate relationship: it loves to seriously spook me once in a while (convinced it conspires with my mind!) and I hate to (actually cannot) sleep in a room with any light...thus, the poem! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and may you have a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
Comment from ciliverde
Wow, this reminds me of my own nightmares, and fear of things beneath the bed (and in the closet!). Interesting addition of rhyme, which is nicely done, and a great ending line!
Carol
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Wow, this reminds me of my own nightmares, and fear of things beneath the bed (and in the closet!). Interesting addition of rhyme, which is nicely done, and a great ending line!
Carol
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Thank you so very much for the review, Carol -- wouldn't have a problem with the closet...I KNOW nothing else can fit in there! :) :) LOL! Funny thing, it seems the dark and I have a love-hate relationship: it loves to seriously spook me once in a while (convinced it conspires with my mind!) and I hate to (actually cannot) sleep in a room with any light...thus, the poem! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and may you have a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
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I used to have a life-size doll that I begged for, finally got for Christmas, and then I was terrified of it. To this day I do not care for dolls! I used to work nights and would have to put cardboard over my windows when I went home to sleep...needed that total darkness :))
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HATE DOLLS!! Especially those creepy things whose eye-lids open and close...Just AWEFUL!! :) Who though that was a good idea for a kid? Get a chill just thinking about them - eewww!
Comment from Boogienights
This is terrific and very timely for the season. Everyone loves a ghost story, for me it was a disembodied hand coming out to "get me"! It's crazy how bad and still really good it feels to be scared. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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This is terrific and very timely for the season. Everyone loves a ghost story, for me it was a disembodied hand coming out to "get me"! It's crazy how bad and still really good it feels to be scared. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Thank you so very much for the review, Boogienights -- a disembodied hand, huh? Now, for that, I would probably have to move my arse out of the way! :) :) LOL! And, yeah, you're right...it seems the dark and I have a love-hate relationship: it loves to seriously spook me once in a while (convinced it conspires with my mind!) and I hate to (actually cannot) sleep in a room with any light...thus, the poem! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and may you have a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
UGH...that's such a great description of the middle of the night fear. Your cinquain poem is well formatted. What a great topic to write about. A wonderful contest entry. I hope you do well!
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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UGH...that's such a great description of the middle of the night fear. Your cinquain poem is well formatted. What a great topic to write about. A wonderful contest entry. I hope you do well!
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Thank you so very much for the review, Cindy -- you know I love to hear your input, ma'am! :) :) It seems the dark and I have a love-hate relationship: it loves to seriously spook me once in a while (convinced it conspires with my mind!) and I hate to (actually cannot) sleep in a room with any light...thus, the poem! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and may you have a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
Comment from Aries Poet
Can so relate to this poem. Lying in bed hearing a noise or seeing a shadow and all you can do is not make a move, your heart is pounding with fear and you are frozen to your bed.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Can so relate to this poem. Lying in bed hearing a noise or seeing a shadow and all you can do is not make a move, your heart is pounding with fear and you are frozen to your bed.
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
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Thank you so very much for the review, Margarita -- always appreciate the time for a read from a fellow author! :) :) It seems the dark and I have a love-hate relationship: it loves to seriously spook me once in a while (convinced it conspires with my mind!) and I hate to (actually cannot) sleep in a room with any light...thus, the poem! :) :) Thanx again for stopping by and may you have a spectacular week highlighted with gnomic surprises and fairy-dusted breezes! :) :) Yvette
