Rich man poor man.
Friends with differen life styles.14 total reviews
Comment from Bill Schott
Good one! This set me up for reality in realty, when it was actually a Game of Homes. My wife is cut-throat at this game and would probably make us rich if she was set loose.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
  |
Good one! This set me up for reality in realty, when it was actually a Game of Homes. My wife is cut-throat at this game and would probably make us rich if she was set loose.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks Bill. X
Comment from Pamusart
You really have a great sens of humor and a talent for gotcha last lines. This made me laugh. It is a great entry for this contest. Good luck in it. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
|
You really have a great sens of humor and a talent for gotcha last lines. This made me laugh. It is a great entry for this contest. Good luck in it. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
-
Thanks Pam. It came third. Much appreciated. X
Comment from Oceanna Sands
I loved this! I am still laughing. It is amazing what you can do with fifty words. As I was reading it couldn't figure out where you were going. Suddenly the last sentence appeared and I couldn't contain my laughter. Excellent.
Oceanna
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
|
I loved this! I am still laughing. It is amazing what you can do with fifty words. As I was reading it couldn't figure out where you were going. Suddenly the last sentence appeared and I couldn't contain my laughter. Excellent.
Oceanna
Comment Written 17-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
-
Thanks for your great review.
Comment from kathleenspalding
I love it! What a fun and clever fifty word flash fiction that tells a great story with very few words! Perfectly written, excellent choice of artwork. Well done! Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
|
I love it! What a fun and clever fifty word flash fiction that tells a great story with very few words! Perfectly written, excellent choice of artwork. Well done! Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks Kathleen,. So glad you like it.
-
You're welcome
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
I loved the story of the rich versus poor man and the ending was great-- a Monopoly game...I didn't see that coming and that makes for a great flash fiction story. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
|
I loved the story of the rich versus poor man and the ending was great-- a Monopoly game...I didn't see that coming and that makes for a great flash fiction story. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
-
Many thanks Cindy,. So glad you like it.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like this. You lead the reader in an entirely different direction, playing on their file of experiences of news reading or gossip or personally related experiences. Very clever. I like the amusement in the end. I bet if we could eavesdrop on the readers we would hear lots of chuckles, chortles, and guffaws. Well written. I am voting for this.
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
|
I like this. You lead the reader in an entirely different direction, playing on their file of experiences of news reading or gossip or personally related experiences. Very clever. I like the amusement in the end. I bet if we could eavesdrop on the readers we would hear lots of chuckles, chortles, and guffaws. Well written. I am voting for this.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
-
Thank you so much for your great review. I really appreciate it and am so glad you like my little story.
Comment from Spiritual Echo
For creativity, you get a six, but there are two areas I believe you should look at, ESPECIALLY when the contest is being judged by committee. Keep in mind the committee is composed of highly ranked writers who will decide based on both technical and creative qualities of all submissions.
Always try to avoid passive language, verbs that do nothing to move the story along. You used WAS/WERE four times--almost 10% of total word count. This will stand out to the panel right away. EXAMPLE--were yielding high rents..Could be--yielded high rental income.
Punctuation needs to be spot on. The sentence beginning Paul however.... should be a new paragraph. Also needs commas. SB... Paul, however,... Monopoly is a brand name and therefore should be capitalized.
Many people forget about the twist at the end of flash fiction. Yours definitely showed great creativity and completely fooled me.
Do try to edit as this story shows great potential for hitting the winner's circle.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
 |
For creativity, you get a six, but there are two areas I believe you should look at, ESPECIALLY when the contest is being judged by committee. Keep in mind the committee is composed of highly ranked writers who will decide based on both technical and creative qualities of all submissions.
Always try to avoid passive language, verbs that do nothing to move the story along. You used WAS/WERE four times--almost 10% of total word count. This will stand out to the panel right away. EXAMPLE--were yielding high rents..Could be--yielded high rental income.
Punctuation needs to be spot on. The sentence beginning Paul however.... should be a new paragraph. Also needs commas. SB... Paul, however,... Monopoly is a brand name and therefore should be capitalized.
Many people forget about the twist at the end of flash fiction. Yours definitely showed great creativity and completely fooled me.
Do try to edit as this story shows great potential for hitting the winner's circle.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
-
Thanks for the review. Much appreciated.
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
I thank you for the chuckle on a grubby Sunday night here in the UK... Very well done in this short piece. Nice little twist at the end.
best of luck in the judging
GMG
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
|
Hi there,
I thank you for the chuckle on a grubby Sunday night here in the UK... Very well done in this short piece. Nice little twist at the end.
best of luck in the judging
GMG
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
-
Thanks for your great review.
Comment from apky
Well, this was certainly short and sweet, even for Flash Fiction.
I like the simplicity of it, not quite sure if there's a message behind it at all. But a story is a story, right?
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
|
Well, this was certainly short and sweet, even for Flash Fiction.
I like the simplicity of it, not quite sure if there's a message behind it at all. But a story is a story, right?
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
-
I was limited to 50 words for the contest. Thanks for reviewing
Comment from Dean Kuch
Hahaha.
Some folks really do take the game of Monopoly very seriously, don't they?
My younger brother gets so angry when he lands on someone's property with hotels on them.
I win quite often when I play, but I never go after Park Place or Boardwalk. I go for the green, red and yellow properties. I like the Utility company too.
I'm sure we all have our own strategies we feel works best.
Speaking of "best", best wishes to you in the contest.
~Dean
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
|
Hahaha.
Some folks really do take the game of Monopoly very seriously, don't they?
My younger brother gets so angry when he lands on someone's property with hotels on them.
I win quite often when I play, but I never go after Park Place or Boardwalk. I go for the green, red and yellow properties. I like the Utility company too.
I'm sure we all have our own strategies we feel works best.
Speaking of "best", best wishes to you in the contest.
~Dean
Comment Written 16-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
-
Thanks Dean
-
u r welcome
