Lost Love and Magic
Mab, the Queen of the fairies, has a daughter.5 total reviews
Comment from Marie Werner
Wow! There are some really beautiful lines in this - "The woman's whisper sounded like thunder." I love it, the language and juxtaposition feels so magical.
I feel like the first line could be stronger though - your second line is very evocative again and kind of overrides the first.
Your story concept is very beautiful though, I really enjoyed it.
Thanks for posting and good luck!
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
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Wow! There are some really beautiful lines in this - "The woman's whisper sounded like thunder." I love it, the language and juxtaposition feels so magical.
I feel like the first line could be stronger though - your second line is very evocative again and kind of overrides the first.
Your story concept is very beautiful though, I really enjoyed it.
Thanks for posting and good luck!
Comment Written 24-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 24-Sep-2018
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Thank you very much, Marie, for the thoughtful review. I'll take a look at that first line!
Comment from kathleenspalding
Oh, this story brought tears to my eyes, and I loved the happy ending - I'm sorry I don't have any sixes left! Very imaginative and well written. I only see one typo -
[["]]Mother, do you still love me?"
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
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Oh, this story brought tears to my eyes, and I loved the happy ending - I'm sorry I don't have any sixes left! Very imaginative and well written. I only see one typo -
[["]]Mother, do you still love me?"
Comment Written 22-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 23-Sep-2018
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Thank you very much for your review. And I'll fix that typo!
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You're welcome.
Comment from Liz O'Neill
I like your description of the passing of time. "The mortal years flew by like midges in the sultry air. " Every time you write it is even better. You are becoming a great writer. This is one of the best of yours I've read. I don't know where you get these ideas. I think you are channeling someone. Excellent.
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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I like your description of the passing of time. "The mortal years flew by like midges in the sultry air. " Every time you write it is even better. You are becoming a great writer. This is one of the best of yours I've read. I don't know where you get these ideas. I think you are channeling someone. Excellent.
Comment Written 15-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
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LOL, I may be at that! Thanks as always!
Comment from Raul1
She sure had a strange summer night. It is interesting of the Queen's adventures. You did very good with this story. Well written. No grammatical errors. Good luck in the contest! I like your story.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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She sure had a strange summer night. It is interesting of the Queen's adventures. You did very good with this story. Well written. No grammatical errors. Good luck in the contest! I like your story.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thank you, Raul. I'm happy you liked it!
Comment from kahpot
I thoroughly enjoyed this story, although I did get a bit confused as Mab and Margaretta seem to have been speaking in (two tongues) sometimes normal, then every now and then with " twas, thee, an excellent read and I think I realize the wording know, I read it again and separated most of the narrative from the speaking parts, very well done and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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I thoroughly enjoyed this story, although I did get a bit confused as Mab and Margaretta seem to have been speaking in (two tongues) sometimes normal, then every now and then with " twas, thee, an excellent read and I think I realize the wording know, I read it again and separated most of the narrative from the speaking parts, very well done and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thank you very much for your comments. I tried to use Mab's language to show how old she was compared to the modern and short life of her daughter. Sorry for the confusion.
