Floating in Air
A 5-7-5 poem44 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Pam. A nicely composed 5-7-5. The leaves fall at random, like a parade marching along to the ground. The third line works well as making a statement of the first two lines, so in my opinion it's a haiku. Or - ange is two syllables. Regional dialect doesn't matter. You can go on-line and pump in "how many syllables." When syllable count is important (like in contests) it's best to use the syllable counter if there's a question. Marilyn
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Hi Pam. A nicely composed 5-7-5. The leaves fall at random, like a parade marching along to the ground. The third line works well as making a statement of the first two lines, so in my opinion it's a haiku. Or - ange is two syllables. Regional dialect doesn't matter. You can go on-line and pump in "how many syllables." When syllable count is important (like in contests) it's best to use the syllable counter if there's a question. Marilyn
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thank youMarilyn. I will take my chances with orange. It is only one syllable in the states. An article I will post in my notes says orange can be one or two syllables depending on the dialect. Thank you for mentioning it and for your lovely review
Comment from June Sargent
I'm no haiku expert, but this is a lovely poem picturing the beauty of autumn. A leaf parade is a great image. And the artwork is perfect. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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I'm no haiku expert, but this is a lovely poem picturing the beauty of autumn. A leaf parade is a great image. And the artwork is perfect. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thank you June for such a lovely review
Comment from lyenochka
I think it's a haiku but I'm no expert and I'm told again and again that it doesn't have to be 5-7-5 syllables to be a haiku. I see you give a seasonal reference (kigo) and a turn of thought (satori) by showing us a lovely autumn leaf picture that's become a parade!
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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I think it's a haiku but I'm no expert and I'm told again and again that it doesn't have to be 5-7-5 syllables to be a haiku. I see you give a seasonal reference (kigo) and a turn of thought (satori) by showing us a lovely autumn leaf picture that's become a parade!
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 14-Sep-2018
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Thank you lyenochka for your lovely review. I wanted the poem to stand on its own without the photo. Take care
Comment from bard owl
Leaves do seem to float on the breeze in the their journey from tree to ground. And the fall colors are very appealing. It is a 5-7-5 and if it isn't a haiku, it sure resembles one. Fluttering leaves do seem to conduct a parade. Blessings to you, Linda
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Leaves do seem to float on the breeze in the their journey from tree to ground. And the fall colors are very appealing. It is a 5-7-5 and if it isn't a haiku, it sure resembles one. Fluttering leaves do seem to conduct a parade. Blessings to you, Linda
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you Linda for your lovely review. Nice thank see you tonight. I am going to take an educated guess. Do you like owls?
Comment from Lady Jane
Excellent presentation to this one, Pam I love the vibrancy of the colors, the theme of an autumn parade, and floating the breezes to the woodland floor. Excellent imagery and overall poetic form. Way to go! You're on point with this one. This is a very timely penning- I'm dreading winter ;-) and yes, I pronounce orange as one syllable, too
Janelle
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Excellent presentation to this one, Pam I love the vibrancy of the colors, the theme of an autumn parade, and floating the breezes to the woodland floor. Excellent imagery and overall poetic form. Way to go! You're on point with this one. This is a very timely penning- I'm dreading winter ;-) and yes, I pronounce orange as one syllable, too
Janelle
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Hi Janelle. The Brits and aussies pronounce the a. Or-a-nge. Thank you for the wonderful review
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Yeah... I am pretty certain this would be considered a haiku also :-)
Comment from meeshu
"Float on breezes to the ground" yes it is Haiku as it is. this might make a good 7syl. line. I love "autumn leaf parade", great phrase, Pam...............meeshu
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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"Float on breezes to the ground" yes it is Haiku as it is. this might make a good 7syl. line. I love "autumn leaf parade", great phrase, Pam...............meeshu
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Hi me shu. Did you see the double ententre with float. Parades have floats too. Thank you for a really nice review
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that got by me, Pam. Bravo.
Comment from Gloria ....
Yes it most certainly is haiku, Pam and a fine one at that. What a lovely idea to have floats in the parade being leaves. That is the only thing missing in my view, the mention of leaves somewhere. I think the image is very clear without the artwork and the mention of leaves, but my guess is you can work that in somewhere.
I think this is quite exceptional and delightfully enjoyable. :)
Gloria
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Yes it most certainly is haiku, Pam and a fine one at that. What a lovely idea to have floats in the parade being leaves. That is the only thing missing in my view, the mention of leaves somewhere. I think the image is very clear without the artwork and the mention of leaves, but my guess is you can work that in somewhere.
I think this is quite exceptional and delightfully enjoyable. :)
Gloria
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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My original third line was
?A leafy parade?. But then someone thought that was obvious that they were leaves. So I changed it. What else would be in autumn?s grand parade that are red, orange, green and yellow and float to the ground besides leaves? Thank you for your wonderful review.
Comment from Joan E.
It could be a haiku in a format without the title, but rather "haiku" followed by the first line in parentheses (and probably eliminating one of the "the's" in the second line--perhaps, "float on breezes to the ground"). I liked your colorful description, plus your alliteration of "g's" and the parallel picture. Cheers- Joan
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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It could be a haiku in a format without the title, but rather "haiku" followed by the first line in parentheses (and probably eliminating one of the "the's" in the second line--perhaps, "float on breezes to the ground"). I liked your colorful description, plus your alliteration of "g's" and the parallel picture. Cheers- Joan
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you Joan for your suggestion and a wonderful review
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Hi Joan. Thank you for your suggestion. Here is the new version.
?Red, *orange, green, yellow
float the breezes onto ground
autumn's grand parade?
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Thank you for sharing your revised version. I enjoyed it as well. More cheers- Joan
Comment from heart of Lou
I don't know if it's a haiku or not, but the asterisk is a bit distracting. You could just have the note at the bottom and not bother with it in the body of the poem. I love how you describe the falling leaves 'autumn's grand parade'
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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I don't know if it's a haiku or not, but the asterisk is a bit distracting. You could just have the note at the bottom and not bother with it in the body of the poem. I love how you describe the falling leaves 'autumn's grand parade'
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Thank you heart of Lou for the suggestion and the wonderful review
Comment from Boogienights
Sounds like a lovely Haiku to me. It makes me anxious for the leaves to turn and fall..its already happening to some extent here in Minnesota. You chose a beautiful picture to go with it. Thanks for sharing this, now if you'll excuse me I have to go buy a pumpkin :)
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Sounds like a lovely Haiku to me. It makes me anxious for the leaves to turn and fall..its already happening to some extent here in Minnesota. You chose a beautiful picture to go with it. Thanks for sharing this, now if you'll excuse me I have to go buy a pumpkin :)
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 13-Sep-2018
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Lol boogie. Thank you for a wonderful review
