Reviews from

A Perfect Lunch

Honoring: Jan Shepards' (see notes) loving work...

66 total reviews 
Comment from Cheryl1957
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

I really like this poem and the story behind it. A true social commentary on the people we meet in our lives who seem to be less fortunate,,,but all have a story of their own to tell. It also speaks to the masks we often wear and hide behind. A very real poem that stirred my soul. Thank you.

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    Hey Cheryl... Thanks so much for your stellar review. yours, di
Comment from JaCherie
Excellent
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chock(ed)-full - I don't think the 'ed' is needed here :)

What a blessing you are to those simple souls in need of that moment of friendship and acceptance. Your writing is rhymed well and the overall voice is very understandable and relatable. I think your deeds are admirable and your desire to share that with us in this poem, and in your notes, is inspirational. The notes themselves could have been a short story, one well worth the read. Thank you for what you do! Thank you for seeing beyond the dirty, haggard faces. Thank you for looking past the stench of the streets and seeing into the souls of those less fortunate and offering a breath of kindness.

Well penned, dear. Good luck in the contest.
Janelle

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 16-Sep-2018
    Happy you like my deeds... yours, diana
Comment from JanPerry
Excellent
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So you wrote a great poem to honour Jan Shepard's story. What happened to Jan Shepard? (sorry not here everyday).
The rhyming fits nicely into your story. I'm always afraid for the homeless who each have a story to tell. Maybe make a great story on here one day.

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    Hey Jan Perry... thank for your great review... Jan is still out there doing it well... yours, diana
Comment from poesyapprentice
Excellent
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I believe a possible typo enclosed...Some OF space? Beyond that, I enjoyed this piece, particularly after reading the notes. I think it's great that you chose to honor her with a poem. I'm on a limited income, but I still can't help myself when I see someone in our small town who is homeless, or at least worse off than me, sitting at a storefront: I have to offer them something of what I have in my wallet. Sometimes I ask a question or two just to have some kind of conversation with them, but this story has made me realize that maybe I don't do it often enough and that as much as I'm sure they appreciate the money, they'd probably appreciate the conversation just as much. Thank you for posting.

 Comment Written 16-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    Hey Posey... thanks so much for your thoughtful and stellar review... So appreciated. yours, ddana
reply by poesyapprentice on 17-Sep-2018
    Most welcome!
Comment from Sis Cat
Excellent
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Excellent.

I have read many poems about homelessness and I even wrote a fable myself, but your clipped, brisk story in a poem surprised me. In rhymed couplets that remind me of the pacing and rhythm of "'T'was the Night Before Christmas," you describe scenes one would expect from such a genre:

A man walked by, glared, then called me to task...
screaming out profanities and mocking my mask.

and

In my rush to escape the fear I'd felt
I passed another man needing help,

But this caught me off guard. I did not see this coming:

The sign pinned carefully to his collar,
was... Personal Poems Only One Dollar!

Wow, you took his personal poem to inspire your personal poem!

Your notes are also informative and reveal your good nature.

Thank you for sharing.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    Hey Sis Cat... hey I just realized you are right... I did use the unusual angle (true, by the way) to the element of surprise is always a great weapon... I go through my life and make notes in my brain normal day to unusual encounter... Thanks so very much Sis Cat! yours, diana
Comment from mackenzietastan
Excellent
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This poem perfectly describes my experiences walking around San Francisco. We like to pretend that there's a wall between homeless people and ourselves. I wanted to know what the man's poem said at the end.

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    That's funny I intentionally didn't put it! On this site of reviewers I didn't want his thoughts to change the pace. I thought about doing that a hundred time and decided NAH!

Comment from ciliverde
Excellent
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Wow, I am floored by what Jan Shepherd is doing, what an amazing person! I read through your entire author's notes before reading the poem. I knew when I saw the photo that the man was someone special...
Your poem was a nice way to highlight this amazing story. All those rich folks, and the homeless moving among them. I hated that one man yelled, at least if that is true (which wouldn't surprise me).
I noticed one typo: walking just fast enough to create some (kind) of space.

Also, there are gremlins in the notes, take a look: Tears were pouring down Jeffs face, because, he said, he hadn√?????√????√???√??√?¬¢??t been able to forgive himself for taking a human life. I don't know why FS does this sometimes.

Well done,
Carol

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    Hey... Sorry about the A?????A/???A???? I can never figure it out and for what ever reason (possibly the keyboard is just different than Fanstorys') Thanks you assessment is perfect. yours, diana
Comment from RGstar
Exceptional
This work has reached the exceptional level

I would not expect anything different from you dear author.
There are many that preach and consider themselves self-good, by all other means, except the way should. We seem to want to inherit kingdoms by word alone, when the kingdoms are built on morals of own liking. To learn and act through learning is a way of being able to administer correct thought, not through fear, hearsay, tradition or hate, but through knowing.

We often follow fashion, but real insight comes from the experience of....whether through study, the practice, or the participation of,

Thus shall we be better quilt for right answers as well action.

I admire what you have done, and doing. The humanity we give is as much what we get back.

Carry on the good work....my six stars are for the ingredients of truth and action, as well its logic, rather than any poetic prowess here.

Thank you for being human.
My best wishes.
Have a great week.

RGstar

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    RG...
    Such an incredible review... just beautiful! I thank you so much for reading and the stellar/plus-on review. So grateful for your insightful words. Yours, Diana

    Beautiful!
    There are many that preach and consider themselves self-good, by all other means, except the way should. We seem to want to inherit kingdoms by word alone, when the kingdoms are built on morals of own liking. To learn and act through learning is a way of being able to administer correct thought, not through fear, hearsay, tradition or hate, but through knowing.
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
Excellent
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Wow Diana. I have a greater appreciation for you and your well written poetry now that I've read about your awesome character and your very kind and good heart. Bless you, you wonderful woman! I enjoyed reading this and your labor of love. Well done!

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    Hey Jeffrey... thanks so, so much for your wonderful review... completely appreciated. yours di.
Comment from krys123
Excellent
Not yet exceptional. When the exceptional rating is reached this is highlighted

Cheers Diana;
> I really enjoyed reading your story within a poem of a turning point in your life, where you recognize how one can retrieve your life in a world so complex.
>The rhyming words were contingent and supportive to the meaning and concept of each of the lines this is very important to the fluidity of your enjambment.
> This in turn helped the conceptual theme of understanding the qualities of people no matter rich or poor.
> Although I thought your poem was wonderful I only read half of The authors notes and I would feel if the authors notes are so important I would suggest you writing a story of your interaction with this man as it is a beautiful story.
> Take care and have a good one especially with all those that love you dearly.
Alx

 Comment Written 15-Sep-2018


reply by the author on 17-Sep-2018
    Wow... I appreciate your breakdown on the poem... love it an love your assessment of I think your idea of doing some fiction or not thanks for the tought. Yours, diana
reply by krys123 on 17-Sep-2018
    You're very welcome, Diana, and you should know more I read your work is so inspiring that it can take off to other adventures. You're very inspiring in your writing but that's only one of the great qualities.
    Alx