Call Father A Father!
A 13 Line Poem A great grandfather he-goat wants a name59 total reviews
Comment from heavenempress
hie,you have a talent in a guided poem. I think for those with talents, every situation tells a story. i enjoyed the way you connected the words to bring about a wonderful poem. Presentation is fairly good, a bit of color makes the piece attractive. i highly recommend your work to others.
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hie,you have a talent in a guided poem. I think for those with talents, every situation tells a story. i enjoyed the way you connected the words to bring about a wonderful poem. Presentation is fairly good, a bit of color makes the piece attractive. i highly recommend your work to others.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
Comment from Miranda Langston
this is certainly an interesting poem and it's a very unique entry for the contest. i like the use of the word "namaste" and the use of the word tither. you don't hear those words often
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this is certainly an interesting poem and it's a very unique entry for the contest. i like the use of the word "namaste" and the use of the word tither. you don't hear those words often
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
Comment from nomi338
AS with any group of intelligent or semi intelligent beings. Being a father is much less about what you are called and so much more of what you do that defines who and what you are. Many males procreate, producing offspring, but they are much more sperm donors rather than nurturing, teaching, guiding, taking care of the needs of offspring, That dear heart is a father.
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AS with any group of intelligent or semi intelligent beings. Being a father is much less about what you are called and so much more of what you do that defines who and what you are. Many males procreate, producing offspring, but they are much more sperm donors rather than nurturing, teaching, guiding, taking care of the needs of offspring, That dear heart is a father.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
Comment from Lance Polin
Honestly, you're just trying too damn hard. You like to be kind of dippy--yet still pretentious!--caught in some circular lingual maze, where you use words that might as well be made up for how mainstream these corny terms have become: 'thither?' 'methinks?' "Namaste." Why is the goat up to his seventh wife doing yoga? Why isn't this, then, actually a part of the scene?
You also suffer what can only be called a certain 'gruesome chortling' over certain lines that you believe will point out just how 'daring' you are trying to be. Really? Seven wives? Gonna be some fucking, right?
There are quite a few distracting forced rhymes, and your decision to bold and italicize certain of these inventions makes you not just too obviously up to some syllable, number, number trick that shows us just how clever you intend to be, but it also betrays a lack of confidence in your audience. It comes off like 'I am so brilliant that I may be too complicated even for my own readers. I will explain . . .
You have a possibly intended quasi-biblical structure that seems to drift apart like a brick from the Tower of Babel. Perhaps this is only due to the Capitalized Daniel. But you have a hyphenated 'he-goat' and 'professor/question/ father/nameless' in some sort of barely legible cry of silent defiance from some stoned college kid who finally had a new idea.
'Parliament/assembly' comes across every bit as flat as it usually does when some British C-SPAN play-by-play commentator needs an extra word to fill up silences.
It honestly sounds like something you've been working on for a pretty long time, like back when you were away at Summer Camp, or counting down the days until your Bar or Bat Mitzvah, scribbling some rhymes, like a song. But the material is rather flat--stagnant. The world is presently far too cynical for such a pretty, mundane, curiously supremacist statement. It chafes and burns in the age of sarcasm. Such pure-hearted virtue can no longer even be expressed, which is why so much of this falls so flat.
Don't take yourself quite so seriously. Language is a jigsaw puzzle. Shuffle the pieces around a little. See if you can't find some new connections. . .
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
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Honestly, you're just trying too damn hard. You like to be kind of dippy--yet still pretentious!--caught in some circular lingual maze, where you use words that might as well be made up for how mainstream these corny terms have become: 'thither?' 'methinks?' "Namaste." Why is the goat up to his seventh wife doing yoga? Why isn't this, then, actually a part of the scene?
You also suffer what can only be called a certain 'gruesome chortling' over certain lines that you believe will point out just how 'daring' you are trying to be. Really? Seven wives? Gonna be some fucking, right?
There are quite a few distracting forced rhymes, and your decision to bold and italicize certain of these inventions makes you not just too obviously up to some syllable, number, number trick that shows us just how clever you intend to be, but it also betrays a lack of confidence in your audience. It comes off like 'I am so brilliant that I may be too complicated even for my own readers. I will explain . . .
You have a possibly intended quasi-biblical structure that seems to drift apart like a brick from the Tower of Babel. Perhaps this is only due to the Capitalized Daniel. But you have a hyphenated 'he-goat' and 'professor/question/ father/nameless' in some sort of barely legible cry of silent defiance from some stoned college kid who finally had a new idea.
'Parliament/assembly' comes across every bit as flat as it usually does when some British C-SPAN play-by-play commentator needs an extra word to fill up silences.
It honestly sounds like something you've been working on for a pretty long time, like back when you were away at Summer Camp, or counting down the days until your Bar or Bat Mitzvah, scribbling some rhymes, like a song. But the material is rather flat--stagnant. The world is presently far too cynical for such a pretty, mundane, curiously supremacist statement. It chafes and burns in the age of sarcasm. Such pure-hearted virtue can no longer even be expressed, which is why so much of this falls so flat.
Don't take yourself quite so seriously. Language is a jigsaw puzzle. Shuffle the pieces around a little. See if you can't find some new connections. . .
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 14-Sep-2018
Comment from bard owl
Upon reading this, I had no idea that there were specific words that needed to be used. You did an excellent job with this story-poem. Giving the goats personification sparks reader interest regarding the goats dilemma. And humor is always a plus. Best of luck in the contest.
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Upon reading this, I had no idea that there were specific words that needed to be used. You did an excellent job with this story-poem. Giving the goats personification sparks reader interest regarding the goats dilemma. And humor is always a plus. Best of luck in the contest.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
Comment from Mastery
Gee, I feel bad, but this is a terrible joke. I would not have graded it so low if you hadn't have made it so difficult to read on top of it being a bad joke. The oversized letters made everything look jumbled. Sorry. Try again, author.
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Gee, I feel bad, but this is a terrible joke. I would not have graded it so low if you hadn't have made it so difficult to read on top of it being a bad joke. The oversized letters made everything look jumbled. Sorry. Try again, author.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
Comment from misscookie
I like the artwork you choose to go with your poem
And it is a perfect match
At first I wondered why they all looked a like
then I read on
(smile)
You truly captured my attention them
This is what i call a food fop thought poem
thank you for sharing
Coookie
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I like the artwork you choose to go with your poem
And it is a perfect match
At first I wondered why they all looked a like
then I read on
(smile)
You truly captured my attention them
This is what i call a food fop thought poem
thank you for sharing
Coookie
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was interesting, and clever, You managed to put the words in and used the correct amount of words and lines! I have to say, whoever put this contest up, was having a laugh. It's not an easy one to do, But you did, and I wish you luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
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That was interesting, and clever, You managed to put the words in and used the correct amount of words and lines! I have to say, whoever put this contest up, was having a laugh. It's not an easy one to do, But you did, and I wish you luck in the contest. :) Sandra xx
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
Comment from heart of Lou
What a combination of words to use in a joke! Well, he-goats are funny creatures, so anything you write about them is bound to be amusing. There are too many goats to give them all a name I guess.
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What a combination of words to use in a joke! Well, he-goats are funny creatures, so anything you write about them is bound to be amusing. There are too many goats to give them all a name I guess.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
Comment from LaFrance
Great job for such a challenging contest. I enjoyed the rush caused by no punctuations. A very clever usage of the words given to use. Good entry choice.
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Great job for such a challenging contest. I enjoyed the rush caused by no punctuations. A very clever usage of the words given to use. Good entry choice.
Comment Written 13-Sep-2018
