The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 11 "The Shadow of Darkness"A Novel
29 total reviews
Comment from kiwijenny
Tony you make me work to review your work.
Scheherazade? A character in a thousand and one nights...
It is the crimson heart's-blood of the nightmare."...is the shocking line...her mother's heart's blood pulsed over her...
Well penned
God bless
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Tony you make me work to review your work.
Scheherazade? A character in a thousand and one nights...
It is the crimson heart's-blood of the nightmare."...is the shocking line...her mother's heart's blood pulsed over her...
Well penned
God bless
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Many thanks, Jenny. I appreciate your supportive comments and the sixth star. All the best, Tony
Comment from nancy_e_davis
What a sad story unfolds as Helen tells Charles about her past. What a horrible thing to experience. Now she has lost contact with her sister. Well done Tony. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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What a sad story unfolds as Helen tells Charles about her past. What a horrible thing to experience. Now she has lost contact with her sister. Well done Tony. :) Nancy
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Many thanks, Nancy. I appreciate your supportive comments. All the best, Tony
Comment from giraffmang
This is a very well-written and affective piece. the only thing I would say as a minor query is the about the eloquence with which Helen relates her tale. It is quite descriptive and poetic, but I wonder would she really be so given the distraught nature of the nightmare and experience, if you see what I mean.
Half way through the service, the doors - Halfway could be a single word here.
and an envelope full of US$,- I think I'd go for spelling out dollars here.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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This is a very well-written and affective piece. the only thing I would say as a minor query is the about the eloquence with which Helen relates her tale. It is quite descriptive and poetic, but I wonder would she really be so given the distraught nature of the nightmare and experience, if you see what I mean.
Half way through the service, the doors - Halfway could be a single word here.
and an envelope full of US$,- I think I'd go for spelling out dollars here.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Many thanks, Gareth. I appreciate your advice and comments. I've made several revisions to this chapter now. All the best, Tony
Comment from barbara.wilkey
You described the heart ache from Helen's childhood memory extremely well. I enjoyed reading this, although it brought goosebumps to my arms. Excellent write.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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You described the heart ache from Helen's childhood memory extremely well. I enjoyed reading this, although it brought goosebumps to my arms. Excellent write.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Many thanks, Barbara. I appreciate your supportive comments and the sixth star. All the best, Tony
Comment from Adri7enne
This is Helen's story. It's not easy to get such a complicated story out in dialogue. I wondered at several points in the telling whether anyone would bother to describe the mountains or the history of the area in recalling the brutal killing of her parents. Yet, I don't know how else you could get Helen's background story out - unless you threw her the POV and allowed the reader access to her memories. Very vivid descriptions, Tony.
"In the fractional moment before the priest slithered to the ground, a photographer had captured the outline of his blood-spattered body spreadeagled against the stucco wall behind the pulpit, like a Christ on the cross."
I look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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This is Helen's story. It's not easy to get such a complicated story out in dialogue. I wondered at several points in the telling whether anyone would bother to describe the mountains or the history of the area in recalling the brutal killing of her parents. Yet, I don't know how else you could get Helen's background story out - unless you threw her the POV and allowed the reader access to her memories. Very vivid descriptions, Tony.
"In the fractional moment before the priest slithered to the ground, a photographer had captured the outline of his blood-spattered body spreadeagled against the stucco wall behind the pulpit, like a Christ on the cross."
I look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Many thanks, Adrienne. I appreciate your most helpful comments and the sixth star. I have made some substantial revisions to this chapter now, and hope that they have made Helen's dialogue more authentic. All the best, Tony
Comment from Sandra Stoner-Mitchell
That was a dramatic chapter, Tony, and superbly well written. My goodness, we read about these atrocities every day, until it almost becomes the norm! Your descriptions and the emotions you've put into this, just blows the mind. I can't wait to read the next part. Well done, Tony, excellent writing. :)) Sandra xxx
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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That was a dramatic chapter, Tony, and superbly well written. My goodness, we read about these atrocities every day, until it almost becomes the norm! Your descriptions and the emotions you've put into this, just blows the mind. I can't wait to read the next part. Well done, Tony, excellent writing. :)) Sandra xxx
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Many thanks, Sandra. I appreciate your supportive comments and the sixth star. I've made a few revisions to this chapter now, which are intended to keep Helen's dialogue more realistic, in terms of her emotional state. All the best, Tony
Comment from Grace Fletcher
I love this. You have a really nice narrative in your writing and I'm wondering if you're already a published writer? I could definitely see this published. You've also researched your subject matter well and that's always appreciated from a reader's perspective. Great writing!
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reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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I love this. You have a really nice narrative in your writing and I'm wondering if you're already a published writer? I could definitely see this published. You've also researched your subject matter well and that's always appreciated from a reader's perspective. Great writing!
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Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Many thanks, Grace. I appreciate your supportive comments. Writing a novel is a new venture for me. I have had several books of poetry published by a small Adelaide publisher, but that's a different kettle of fish! All the best, Tony
Comment from Pantygynt
My first wife was a Catholic and I am not. I don't know whether they still do it but in order to get a dispensation for her to marry a protestant, I had to sign an agreement that any children would be brought up as Catholics. I did and they were. It didn't stop the eldest becoming a Jehovah's Witness though! So it rings true with me that the mother felt she had to take the kids to a Catholic service.
A most dramatic episode this, the most dramatic so far that injects real excitement into the story on top of the mild curiosity that already existed. It is a fascinating tale, a gripping drama that will I am certain all come together eventually. Keep it up.
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reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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My first wife was a Catholic and I am not. I don't know whether they still do it but in order to get a dispensation for her to marry a protestant, I had to sign an agreement that any children would be brought up as Catholics. I did and they were. It didn't stop the eldest becoming a Jehovah's Witness though! So it rings true with me that the mother felt she had to take the kids to a Catholic service.
A most dramatic episode this, the most dramatic so far that injects real excitement into the story on top of the mild curiosity that already existed. It is a fascinating tale, a gripping drama that will I am certain all come together eventually. Keep it up.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Many thanks, Jim. I appreciate your supportive comments. I hope that I can bring the two parallel stories together successfully before the end!
My brother married a Catholic. Hence, I have five nieces and nephews. They all went to Catholic schools and have all now lapsed from the faith. My brother and I were C. of E., and my grandfather was a vicar. Mother sent us to church on Sunday mornings with instructions to fidget noisily if his sermon went on for more than 10 minutes. She didn't regard the word of God as being more important than the Sunday roast.
All the best, Tony
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We were lucky to be born as late as we were. Your mother was a most enlightened lady. Have you read P.G.Wodehouse's 'The Great Sermon Handicap' by any chance?
Comment from phil nelson
This is a fascinating read, and you are certainly a gifted story teller! Your descriptive powers are excellent, and your use of dialogue is so strong that I felt I was the one sitting there listening to Helen. I will be looking for the next instalment!
All the Best!
phil
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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This is a fascinating read, and you are certainly a gifted story teller! Your descriptive powers are excellent, and your use of dialogue is so strong that I felt I was the one sitting there listening to Helen. I will be looking for the next instalment!
All the Best!
phil
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 12-Sep-2018
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Many thanks, Phil. I appreciate your supportive comments and the sixth star. All the best, Tony
