Astatula (Final Edition)
Viewing comments for Chapter 2 "Outrage Part Two"A young boy tries to turn his life around.Can he?
9 total reviews
Comment from Liz O'Neill
Compelling phrase & concept that we will have to agree with: " I've heard it said all members of the human species start dying the moment they're born." Many a reader would side with Beth: "Unsure she wants to hear the rest of this, Beth rejoins the sheriff at the table." We're seeing the resolve of the sheriff. You create your character without saying anything, You have the other characters tell us : "After what the boy's been through, if anybody's earned the right to be ten feet tall and bulletproof, it's that little man." Good work.
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Compelling phrase & concept that we will have to agree with: " I've heard it said all members of the human species start dying the moment they're born." Many a reader would side with Beth: "Unsure she wants to hear the rest of this, Beth rejoins the sheriff at the table." We're seeing the resolve of the sheriff. You create your character without saying anything, You have the other characters tell us : "After what the boy's been through, if anybody's earned the right to be ten feet tall and bulletproof, it's that little man." Good work.
Comment Written 09-Jun-2022
reply by the author on 13-Jun-2022
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Thanks.
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Well done
Comment from judiverse
Simmons was quite the nasty guy. I've read that these psychopathic killers often get their start by torturing and killing small animals. He met a fitting end, being murdered by a fellow inmate. Beth wonders if the Astatula Assassin is a copycat killer. They are concerned about Cody, since he's already been through so much. Daniels also has an election to win, so it would really seal the deal if he can catch the Astatula guy. Great story, and the dialogue helps move things along. judi
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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Simmons was quite the nasty guy. I've read that these psychopathic killers often get their start by torturing and killing small animals. He met a fitting end, being murdered by a fellow inmate. Beth wonders if the Astatula Assassin is a copycat killer. They are concerned about Cody, since he's already been through so much. Daniels also has an election to win, so it would really seal the deal if he can catch the Astatula guy. Great story, and the dialogue helps move things along. judi
Comment Written 12-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 15-Sep-2018
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Appreciate your support and the review.
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You're quite welcome. Seize the day. judi
Comment from Ricky1024
This was well received and worthy.
It had all the necessary elements needed for
a fine horror book.
Theme and Imagery were both Very good.
Adjective Content and Objective Content were both Excellentescriptive and Exceptional.
Good luck with this and have a Blessed week.
Doctor Ricky 1024
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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This was well received and worthy.
It had all the necessary elements needed for
a fine horror book.
Theme and Imagery were both Very good.
Adjective Content and Objective Content were both Excellentescriptive and Exceptional.
Good luck with this and have a Blessed week.
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thanks.
Comment from misscookie
Thank you for the refreshing course
I for one find this to be a very interesting read
And as you know I'm not a story reader due to my stroke But this one I couldn't pass by
thank you for sharing your talent with me and others
cookie
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Thank you for the refreshing course
I for one find this to be a very interesting read
And as you know I'm not a story reader due to my stroke But this one I couldn't pass by
thank you for sharing your talent with me and others
cookie
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Appreciate it misscookie.
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You're very welcome ,have a blessed day
Until next time
Cookie
Comment from Sankey
This was a great read. Pretty straight out gory in places but I guess you are wanting to get all our attention. No spags. Keep up the good work. Look forward to the next chapter.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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This was a great read. Pretty straight out gory in places but I guess you are wanting to get all our attention. No spags. Keep up the good work. Look forward to the next chapter.
Comment Written 10-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Appreciate the review. Glad you enjoyed this portion of Cody's story.
Comment from Jannypan (Jan)
You did a good job with this part of the book, Brett. Although the discussion of the assassin was graphic, I see its place in the story.
****
The cruelly malicious rogue drew breathe (breath) into his body, and expelled air out again, as Lionel Simmons.
{The Dark Knight}
I believe the title of the movie should be in italics not { }
Thanks for sharing. Jan
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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You did a good job with this part of the book, Brett. Although the discussion of the assassin was graphic, I see its place in the story.
****
The cruelly malicious rogue drew breathe (breath) into his body, and expelled air out again, as Lionel Simmons.
{The Dark Knight}
I believe the title of the movie should be in italics not { }
Thanks for sharing. Jan
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Appreciate the catches.
Comment from JDRBAR
Embroiled in the middle of a decidedly challenged re-election,
Doubts of being re-elected never entered the sheriff's mind
These two sentences seem to contradict each other. If he feels assured he'll be re-elected, he wouldn't consider it as being challenged. Just my thought.
casually commented, "he is so into Batman, Christian Bale, Heath
Period after commented. Start new sentence.
Thanks for taking Cody to the
Thanks for INVITING Cody would be more appropriate.
the house.
These last two words aren't really necessary.
This was so much better than the last chapter I read. The nits are small and inconsequential. Very good
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Embroiled in the middle of a decidedly challenged re-election,
Doubts of being re-elected never entered the sheriff's mind
These two sentences seem to contradict each other. If he feels assured he'll be re-elected, he wouldn't consider it as being challenged. Just my thought.
casually commented, "he is so into Batman, Christian Bale, Heath
Period after commented. Start new sentence.
Thanks for taking Cody to the
Thanks for INVITING Cody would be more appropriate.
the house.
These last two words aren't really necessary.
This was so much better than the last chapter I read. The nits are small and inconsequential. Very good
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Appreciate the catches. Glad to see this chapter suited your taste better.
Comment from Dawnya
The story line is progressing nicely. Personally I can't read this part too closely because I grew up with a psychopathic child and don't want to relive that. That is NOT a dig on the subject, but I'll wait for the next installment.
I'm curious about what Cody's battle have been: health, emotional trials, or other.
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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The story line is progressing nicely. Personally I can't read this part too closely because I grew up with a psychopathic child and don't want to relive that. That is NOT a dig on the subject, but I'll wait for the next installment.
I'm curious about what Cody's battle have been: health, emotional trials, or other.
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 10-Sep-2018
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Glad you enjoyed this portion. Appreciate the comments and review
Comment from kathleenspalding
Looks like you have a good mystery going here. Moves right along and kept my interest. Well written. Just a couple nits -
It worries me a bit that the sheriff is thinking more about his re-election and 'not in my town' attitude than the victims and their families. Makes him seem a bit self-centered.
Stevens[[, - delete comma]]was his nineteen year[[s - delete]] old patsy
She raised a hand to the back of her neck - maybe move this up to the end of the previous paragraph?
the sheriff empathetically replied. - can be deleted (redundant)
take Cody to see [[" - ']]The Dark Knight[[']],"
commented, "as you know, - not conversational. Can make this sentence interior thought, her dialogue/observation (maybe thanking him for taking Cody because she's not into it like he is?), or delete.
kryptonite his whole life.[["]] She recollected her thoughts
That's it. I look fwd to reading more :-)
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Looks like you have a good mystery going here. Moves right along and kept my interest. Well written. Just a couple nits -
It worries me a bit that the sheriff is thinking more about his re-election and 'not in my town' attitude than the victims and their families. Makes him seem a bit self-centered.
Stevens[[, - delete comma]]was his nineteen year[[s - delete]] old patsy
She raised a hand to the back of her neck - maybe move this up to the end of the previous paragraph?
the sheriff empathetically replied. - can be deleted (redundant)
take Cody to see [[" - ']]The Dark Knight[[']],"
commented, "as you know, - not conversational. Can make this sentence interior thought, her dialogue/observation (maybe thanking him for taking Cody because she's not into it like he is?), or delete.
kryptonite his whole life.[["]] She recollected her thoughts
That's it. I look fwd to reading more :-)
Comment Written 09-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 09-Sep-2018
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Thanks a lot! Much appreciated. Keep those honest reviews coming.
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You're welcome
