An Uncomfortable First Date
Too young and dumb to get out of it16 total reviews
Comment from jmdg1954
"Oh, so that was you way back then? And by the way, what's wrong with my truck?"
Haha, just kidding. That wasn't me. Nicely written, Rox. I was waiting for a turn of events and the punch line like - we were married six months later. Haha, not this time.
Enjoyed the reading. John
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2018
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"Oh, so that was you way back then? And by the way, what's wrong with my truck?"
Haha, just kidding. That wasn't me. Nicely written, Rox. I was waiting for a turn of events and the punch line like - we were married six months later. Haha, not this time.
Enjoyed the reading. John
Comment Written 06-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2018
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No, there would be no marriage. I did think what if I put this on here and he see's it. But he wasn't the writing type. I'm not sure he could even spell. I'm so mean! Just kidding, but he really didn't seem none too bright. I'm very glad it wasn't you. =} Thanks for the read and review. Rox
Comment from Teri7
This is a very interesting true story you have written about. You used very good words and very good imagery with your words and the picture you used. It had to be a little scary for you too. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this. Blessings, Teri
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2018
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This is a very interesting true story you have written about. You used very good words and very good imagery with your words and the picture you used. It had to be a little scary for you too. I enjoyed reading and reviewing this. Blessings, Teri
Comment Written 05-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 06-Sep-2018
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Thank you so much Teri. Rox
Comment from Sally Law
This is great! I thought I was the only one who had terrible first dates. I love the part where you are thinking you had to get a running start to get up in the truck with your narrow-skirted dress. I really enjoyed this piece. Thank you.
Kindest regards,
Sally
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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This is great! I thought I was the only one who had terrible first dates. I love the part where you are thinking you had to get a running start to get up in the truck with your narrow-skirted dress. I really enjoyed this piece. Thank you.
Kindest regards,
Sally
Comment Written 05-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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Thank you Sally, glad you enjoy it. I can look back and laugh at it now too. =} Rox
Comment from Spitfire
This guy does sound creepy. Manipulate would be a good word to describe him.
"My name is Roxanna, what is your name." --question mark after name.
Seems he took that as an invitation to know him better. Hence the phone call.
I'd be shook up too by the wrong date, the truck, and then getting lost! And falling asleep on your couch. What is that.
The guy may be autistic and lacking in social skills.
Kudos to you for finding a way out.
I would suggest for future writes that you tighten your sentences and break them up. Example:
I said something to that effect, but he still insisted I was bold. I'm not sure if that was good or bad, but it didn't seem to put him off.
Now, that should have been a warning sign and it kind of was, but I was young and didn't know how to get out of a date, so the next thing I know we're going out Saturday night.
Another way to put this (feel free to make up dialogue):
" Wait, you came up to me and started talking without even introducing yourself, remember?"
My argument didn't seem to put him off. He still insisted I was bold, then said, "I'm taking you out Saturday night."
His assumption should have been a warning sign, but I was young and didn't know how to get out of a date. The next thing I know, he's telling me what to wear!"
(Emphasize his controlling nature.)
Great story. Put it aside and as you gain more writing skills, you'll see how it can be improved.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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This guy does sound creepy. Manipulate would be a good word to describe him.
"My name is Roxanna, what is your name." --question mark after name.
Seems he took that as an invitation to know him better. Hence the phone call.
I'd be shook up too by the wrong date, the truck, and then getting lost! And falling asleep on your couch. What is that.
The guy may be autistic and lacking in social skills.
Kudos to you for finding a way out.
I would suggest for future writes that you tighten your sentences and break them up. Example:
I said something to that effect, but he still insisted I was bold. I'm not sure if that was good or bad, but it didn't seem to put him off.
Now, that should have been a warning sign and it kind of was, but I was young and didn't know how to get out of a date, so the next thing I know we're going out Saturday night.
Another way to put this (feel free to make up dialogue):
" Wait, you came up to me and started talking without even introducing yourself, remember?"
My argument didn't seem to put him off. He still insisted I was bold, then said, "I'm taking you out Saturday night."
His assumption should have been a warning sign, but I was young and didn't know how to get out of a date. The next thing I know, he's telling me what to wear!"
(Emphasize his controlling nature.)
Great story. Put it aside and as you gain more writing skills, you'll see how it can be improved.
Comment Written 05-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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Thank you so much for the suggestions. I will take a look at how to improve. Thanks for the review and stars. Rox
Comment from LaRosa
Well, he can't say you didn't give him a chance. Early dating years are so difficult. Trying to figure out who to go out with, how to not hurt someone's feelings, and how to defend yourself if you need to, can be quite frustrating to say the least.
Getting you to dress up and then not do so himself had me worried he was pulling some kind of frat-type trick. That's another story.
You are so descriptive of your emotions and set scenes beautifully. The reader has to relate.
Don't think I'd want to remember his name. :)
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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Well, he can't say you didn't give him a chance. Early dating years are so difficult. Trying to figure out who to go out with, how to not hurt someone's feelings, and how to defend yourself if you need to, can be quite frustrating to say the least.
Getting you to dress up and then not do so himself had me worried he was pulling some kind of frat-type trick. That's another story.
You are so descriptive of your emotions and set scenes beautifully. The reader has to relate.
Don't think I'd want to remember his name. :)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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I did try, but sometimes you just know. =} Thanks so much for the great review. Rox
Comment from Renee J. St.Germain
You had me from the title. What a story! I see, it's a biography, too. Oh, geez. You seemed to have been a good sport about the whole thing. You kept me laughing all the way through.
I've noticed that the story varies from past to present tense through out the story. This is challenging to realize, and so easy to do. I know, because I personally struggle with that, too.
Here are the areas you may want to adjust:
"Later that day I get a phone call, it was him." Perhaps change to "Later that day, I got a phone call. It was him."
"All of a sudden he says, 'I thought it was really bold of you to introduce yourself to me like that."' Should be "All of a sudden he said..."
"he appears at my door, not dressed up at all." change to "appeared"
"That's when he tells me"-instead write "told"
"I would either have *had* to get a running start and jump or hike my dress up to my waist."
"A few days later I get a call" swap "get" for "got"
"Yes, this is going to persuade me to go out with you again." I think this is okay, since it's assumed that you are thinking it at the time, but you can add in something like "I wanted to say..." if you prefer to.
"because it is the right thing to do" change "is" to "was"
Again, I love this story and the humor in it. I hope you would consider making a book. I hope you have found someone special who isn't such a creep. :)
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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You had me from the title. What a story! I see, it's a biography, too. Oh, geez. You seemed to have been a good sport about the whole thing. You kept me laughing all the way through.
I've noticed that the story varies from past to present tense through out the story. This is challenging to realize, and so easy to do. I know, because I personally struggle with that, too.
Here are the areas you may want to adjust:
"Later that day I get a phone call, it was him." Perhaps change to "Later that day, I got a phone call. It was him."
"All of a sudden he says, 'I thought it was really bold of you to introduce yourself to me like that."' Should be "All of a sudden he said..."
"he appears at my door, not dressed up at all." change to "appeared"
"That's when he tells me"-instead write "told"
"I would either have *had* to get a running start and jump or hike my dress up to my waist."
"A few days later I get a call" swap "get" for "got"
"Yes, this is going to persuade me to go out with you again." I think this is okay, since it's assumed that you are thinking it at the time, but you can add in something like "I wanted to say..." if you prefer to.
"because it is the right thing to do" change "is" to "was"
Again, I love this story and the humor in it. I hope you would consider making a book. I hope you have found someone special who isn't such a creep. :)
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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Thank you Renee, I think I made all the changes. Thanks for taking the time to detail it for me.That's a lot of work. Rox
Comment from kiwijenny
I had a date like that once...truck with a passenger door handle that wouldn't open the door...I had to get out his side...grand he was loud and creepy and his friends called him Fox...I put my hand over the wine glass as I didn't drink either. He poured wine over my hand he was so determined I'd drink some...
God bless...grrr hadn't thought about that date from you know where in a long time
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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I had a date like that once...truck with a passenger door handle that wouldn't open the door...I had to get out his side...grand he was loud and creepy and his friends called him Fox...I put my hand over the wine glass as I didn't drink either. He poured wine over my hand he was so determined I'd drink some...
God bless...grrr hadn't thought about that date from you know where in a long time
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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Oh he sounds like even more fun that my date. =} This was really the worst date I had so I guess I can't complain too much. Thank you dear Rox
Comment from Mustang Patty
Hi, Rox,
This is a strange little story. I imagine we've all had our share of weird dates. I know I have.
With a bit of work, this could be a strong storyline.
A few notes,
'I saidgood bye goodbye, got in my car...'
'...who was a regular churchattender attendee, had...'
'...but he was not themost suave suavest'
'...but he still insisted I wasbeing bold...' (No need for a modifier here)
...didn't want to make him feelbadly bad, ' (there is no need for an adverb here, and that word is awkward.)
~patty~
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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Hi, Rox,
This is a strange little story. I imagine we've all had our share of weird dates. I know I have.
With a bit of work, this could be a strong storyline.
A few notes,
'I said
'...who was a regular church
'...but he was not the
'...but he still insisted I was
...didn't want to make him feel
~patty~
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2018
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Thank you Patty. I think I made all the corrections. Thanks for taking the time to write it out for me. This was really the worst date I had so I guess i can't complain too much. =} Rox
Comment from Anne B Francis
Ah that growing up bit men appear to do so way too late, but sorry to say he did seem a little weird, and that type usually do have tempers think its because they lack self esteem - One day I'll write about an experience that did make me really scared but have to be in the mood, haunted me for months. Out of your system best way write it down
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
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Ah that growing up bit men appear to do so way too late, but sorry to say he did seem a little weird, and that type usually do have tempers think its because they lack self esteem - One day I'll write about an experience that did make me really scared but have to be in the mood, haunted me for months. Out of your system best way write it down
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
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Thank you so much Anne and for the 6 stars. He was very different and I knew there was no way I wanted a relationship, but he did not take the news well at all. ={ Hope you are feeling more rested. I didn't do anything over the weekend and I am so tired today, Rox
Comment from Sandra du Plessis
A very well-written story about an awkward date. We can quickly sense when something is not completely right with someone we just met, other times we just know we met someone we can get along with for years.
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
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A very well-written story about an awkward date. We can quickly sense when something is not completely right with someone we just met, other times we just know we met someone we can get along with for years.
Comment Written 04-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 04-Sep-2018
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Yes, I pretty much knew right a way this was not going to work, but he didn't take the news well at all. ={ Thanks so much Sandra.
