Perennials of War
Viewing comments for Chapter 92 "Chapter Achtundzwanzig Part drei"Is Anderson a gallant knight? Can he recover Shan
18 total reviews
Comment from royowen
Well done Barbara, these events are a little worrying as Patricia now was used by the Russian mafia to get through the defence cordon, they are obviously quite clever and inventive, and will stop at nothing to get at Shana, unfortunately Patricia fell and hurt her head, and is unconscious, is she ok, and maybe out of it for the moment. An excellent episode, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Well done Barbara, these events are a little worrying as Patricia now was used by the Russian mafia to get through the defence cordon, they are obviously quite clever and inventive, and will stop at nothing to get at Shana, unfortunately Patricia fell and hurt her head, and is unconscious, is she ok, and maybe out of it for the moment. An excellent episode, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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Most welcome
Comment from Ulla
Wow, Barbara, that was a bit of dramatics going on here. I can't wait to see what happens next. I have a suggestion:
When Patricia, again, stumbled, Shana knocked the gun from her hand. When it landed on the floor, = When Patricia stumbled, yet again, Shana... As it landed on the floor, Just a suggestion, but I think it flows better that way with less repetition. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Wow, Barbara, that was a bit of dramatics going on here. I can't wait to see what happens next. I have a suggestion:
When Patricia, again, stumbled, Shana knocked the gun from her hand. When it landed on the floor, = When Patricia stumbled, yet again, Shana... As it landed on the floor, Just a suggestion, but I think it flows better that way with less repetition. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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You're right. I will fix that. Thank you.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Barb
I may be off on the beaten track with Drew being away and then which seemed all of a sudden
Drew's ex-wife shows up saying she is without Money lead you to write this exciting and well written of this chapter of Shana and Patricia .
All I know it's a must for FS folks to read.
Gert
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Hello Barb
I may be off on the beaten track with Drew being away and then which seemed all of a sudden
Drew's ex-wife shows up saying she is without Money lead you to write this exciting and well written of this chapter of Shana and Patricia .
All I know it's a must for FS folks to read.
Gert
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
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You are welcome Barb
Gert
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Barb, you are so welcome
Gert
Comment from Sankey
Another good chapter. Love the continuing drama. Interesting how Drew's ex is in touch with Shana's attackers. Only one small suggestion. Jeff turned his head as (the?)EMT entered
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reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Another good chapter. Love the continuing drama. Interesting how Drew's ex is in touch with Shana's attackers. Only one small suggestion. Jeff turned his head as (the?)EMT entered
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Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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I will recheck that area. I just had a reviewer suggest I take the 'the' out. I will take another look. Thank you for the kind review.
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Ha, sorry. Opposing views.
Comment from judiverse
This is great. I didn't know what would happen with Patricia having the gun in her hand. She doesn't seem the violent type. I can imagine she'll try to make hay of the situation and put as much blame on Shana as she can. The Russians must be desperate if they try to get Patricia to pull of a shooting. Drew really has a lot of power and doesn't hesitate to use it. He won't be pleased that Patricia got to Shana, but it was a totally unexpected circumstance. As a reader, I wasn't expecting it. Great work with the characterization and action. judi
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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This is great. I didn't know what would happen with Patricia having the gun in her hand. She doesn't seem the violent type. I can imagine she'll try to make hay of the situation and put as much blame on Shana as she can. The Russians must be desperate if they try to get Patricia to pull of a shooting. Drew really has a lot of power and doesn't hesitate to use it. He won't be pleased that Patricia got to Shana, but it was a totally unexpected circumstance. As a reader, I wasn't expecting it. Great work with the characterization and action. judi
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
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You're very welcome. Love the story. judi
Comment from Ben Colder
wow1 Talking about the drama queen, you have my vote. Poor Oscar. He is in for it now for letting this happen. Poor Shana. she just wishes to live a normal life. Well done Barb.
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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wow1 Talking about the drama queen, you have my vote. Poor Oscar. He is in for it now for letting this happen. Poor Shana. she just wishes to live a normal life. Well done Barb.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the encouraging review.
Comment from giraffmang
Old Drew's no doser. he knows something's up. Hopefully Patricia's fine.
few things you might want to take a look at-
"She hit her head on the that." - delete 'the' from here.
Oscar stared at the gun. "Who's gun?" - in this instance it would be whose.
Shana continued to hold Patricia's and putting pressure on the gash. - you may need 'head' after Patricia's here. I would also remove the 'and' and have it read - Shana continued to hold Patricia's head, putting pressure on the gash.
Watch those eyes meeting...
"So she bought her drugs from the Russian's." - Russians is just a plural here so no apostrophe.
"Will your finger prints be on this?" - fingerprints could be a single word here.
As EMT raised the gurney to transport Patricia - either EMTs or the EMT.
"I'm glad Randal's on board. - need closing speech marks here.
All the best
G
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reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Old Drew's no doser. he knows something's up. Hopefully Patricia's fine.
few things you might want to take a look at-
"She hit her head on the that." - delete 'the' from here.
Oscar stared at the gun. "Who's gun?" - in this instance it would be whose.
Shana continued to hold Patricia's and putting pressure on the gash. - you may need 'head' after Patricia's here. I would also remove the 'and' and have it read - Shana continued to hold Patricia's head, putting pressure on the gash.
Watch those eyes meeting...
"So she bought her drugs from the Russian's." - Russians is just a plural here so no apostrophe.
"Will your finger prints be on this?" - fingerprints could be a single word here.
As EMT raised the gurney to transport Patricia - either EMTs or the EMT.
"I'm glad Randal's on board. - need closing speech marks here.
All the best
G
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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I have made the corrects. A couple of them are mistakes I made clearing up previous mistakes. DARN!! Thank you for the catches.
Comment from rtobaygo
Good afternoon, Barbara
Excellent continuation. Loved the tension. As always, the dialogue was believable as was the interaction between character Everyone keeps asking how or why Patricia fell, that her striking her head should have not knocked her unconscious, which leads me to believe there is more here than meets the eye. Looking forwards to Drew's reaction when he rejoins Shana.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Take care and stay dtay
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Good afternoon, Barbara
Excellent continuation. Loved the tension. As always, the dialogue was believable as was the interaction between character Everyone keeps asking how or why Patricia fell, that her striking her head should have not knocked her unconscious, which leads me to believe there is more here than meets the eye. Looking forwards to Drew's reaction when he rejoins Shana.
Take care and stay safe,
Ray
Take care and stay dtay
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the kind review.
