My Brothers' Keeper
Viewing comments for Chapter 30 "The Catch"Rachel feels responsible for her brother.
8 total reviews
Comment from lyenochka
What a strange time to make the wedding/marriage announcement. Lol! Poor Daniel - he's so worried now that he'll always be rescuing Rachel from doing dangerous things. Lots of super action here. I especially liked that the thieves were lassoed and tied up like the calves they were trying to steal. Wish the police could learn to lasso like that and save on the bullets.
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2021
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What a strange time to make the wedding/marriage announcement. Lol! Poor Daniel - he's so worried now that he'll always be rescuing Rachel from doing dangerous things. Lots of super action here. I especially liked that the thieves were lassoed and tied up like the calves they were trying to steal. Wish the police could learn to lasso like that and save on the bullets.
Comment Written 03-Sep-2021
reply by the author on 05-Sep-2021
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Thank you so very much Helene for reading, reviewing and your great comments. I agree that the police need to rope and tie those bandits, perhaps a couple of hours like this would humiliate them a little, I know wishful thinking, lol. Hugs and smiles.
Comment from Mastery
Hi, Alie. You have a very unusual but action-packed story on your hands here, don't you? I enjoyed it from start to finish
Suggestions: "Rachel showed up and did a tackling leap from her horse." I suggest you try, Rachel showed up and performed a fflying leap from her horse."
And: " her father was about three steps behind him. The sheriff was hauling the man away from her and cuffing him at the same time." (Something to remember for ALL of your future writing, Allie. always be precise when mentioning things measured and the like. so in this case you wouldn't say "about three steps behind him." You would say "her father was either right behind him or he was three steps behind him." When a writer says "about this or about that, the reader cannot see the action at all. and it is telling snd not showing. as we all know we should "show" everything in our writing. Never ever tell.
Just thought I would offer that as some help. Hope you don't mind, my friend. :) Bob
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Hi, Alie. You have a very unusual but action-packed story on your hands here, don't you? I enjoyed it from start to finish
Suggestions: "Rachel showed up and did a tackling leap from her horse." I suggest you try, Rachel showed up and performed a fflying leap from her horse."
And: " her father was about three steps behind him. The sheriff was hauling the man away from her and cuffing him at the same time." (Something to remember for ALL of your future writing, Allie. always be precise when mentioning things measured and the like. so in this case you wouldn't say "about three steps behind him." You would say "her father was either right behind him or he was three steps behind him." When a writer says "about this or about that, the reader cannot see the action at all. and it is telling snd not showing. as we all know we should "show" everything in our writing. Never ever tell.
Just thought I would offer that as some help. Hope you don't mind, my friend. :) Bob
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much Bob for reading and reviewing. Hey I can always use help and shhhh, don't tell anyone lol, but I really do respect your wisdom and suggestions. I will make those changes in a moments. Again thanks so much, Blessed be.
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:) Thanks, Alie. Bob
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most welcome. blessings.
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Alie. An action-packed chapter to your story. Interesting all the way through. Good descriptions and dialogue.
I noticed a couple of things that may need correction:
"I would love to go back and plummet (pummel) him, but I need to be here with her. Doc can you fix her?"
and
"now everyone was sipping whiskey, even old Pete who was a tea tootler (teetotaler)."
Marilyn
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Hi Alie. An action-packed chapter to your story. Interesting all the way through. Good descriptions and dialogue.
I noticed a couple of things that may need correction:
"I would love to go back and plummet (pummel) him, but I need to be here with her. Doc can you fix her?"
and
"now everyone was sipping whiskey, even old Pete who was a tea tootler (teetotaler)."
Marilyn
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much Marilyn, I really appreciate your interest, I will fix those two errors in a moment,
Comment from fm wright
and the main station was placed in the ranch doesn't seem to go with the previous part of the sentence. Also antsy for action seems only to be half a sentence. Other than those two things I found the piece well written and is holding me in suspense.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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and the main station was placed in the ranch doesn't seem to go with the previous part of the sentence. Also antsy for action seems only to be half a sentence. Other than those two things I found the piece well written and is holding me in suspense.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thank you for reading and reviewing.and for your constructive observant comments.
Comment from Mabaker
Oh, oh, Poor Rachel. I know she will be alright, but Daniel doesn't. Being separated from her is killing him, but I have all my money on the author. This is a terrific story Alie, and I can see all the way through the expert way to write. Love U Anne.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Oh, oh, Poor Rachel. I know she will be alright, but Daniel doesn't. Being separated from her is killing him, but I have all my money on the author. This is a terrific story Alie, and I can see all the way through the expert way to write. Love U Anne.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much Anne, yep poor Daniel has it bad doesn't he. I am glad you enjoyed it. luv u my friend, my sister, take care. Alie.
Comment from Pantygynt
An unusual way of seeking permission to marry his daughter, but under the circumstances, when nothing is conventional why not?
The episode starts with excitement that moves into tension as we wait for the diagnosis and ends in all round relief and joy. I guess the next chapter will be a final winding down, but we shall see.
Greenhorn is a single word when used to describe inexperienced persons, not green horn. Likewise sunroom and sonofabitch can be as well.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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An unusual way of seeking permission to marry his daughter, but under the circumstances, when nothing is conventional why not?
The episode starts with excitement that moves into tension as we wait for the diagnosis and ends in all round relief and joy. I guess the next chapter will be a final winding down, but we shall see.
Greenhorn is a single word when used to describe inexperienced persons, not green horn. Likewise sunroom and sonofabitch can be as well.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thank you for reading and reviewing. Hey I like doing the unusual lol, Nope not the next chapter. MMM okay I will fix those in a minute.
Comment from poetwatch
Good chapter to the story. Rachel is by far a hard-headed hellion. No pun intended. Now comes the hardest part of the reader. Come on girl! You left me high and dry. What's next? As you can see I'll be waiting for the next chapter. Thank you for sharing.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Good chapter to the story. Rachel is by far a hard-headed hellion. No pun intended. Now comes the hardest part of the reader. Come on girl! You left me high and dry. What's next? As you can see I'll be waiting for the next chapter. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much Jose for reading and reviewing. Yay I managed to keep you waiting and wanting to read more lol. Hang in there.
Comment from country ranch writer
In her haste to help her father she threw caution to the wind putting herself in the line of fire. She best learn to listen when she is told to stay put or something bad could happen worse than a whop on the head.
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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In her haste to help her father she threw caution to the wind putting herself in the line of fire. She best learn to listen when she is told to stay put or something bad could happen worse than a whop on the head.
Comment Written 23-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for reading and reviewing. I smiled at your kind comments.
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Lol smiles
