Deadly Confession
Viewing comments for Chapter 8 "The Take down "Family secrets can be your worst nightmare.
11 total reviews
Comment from BeasPeas
Hi Misty. Your writing is clear with well described scenes. Dialogue is realistic. My suggestion for the ending paragraph is to put thoughts into italics to emphasize the fact:
"Hearing the commotion above him, Luigi runs across the room. He sees the cops have the main house surrounded when he watches his video feed. (I knew it'd only be a matter of time. Luckily, they won't find me down here,--italics for thoughts.) he thinks as he glances around the room. Marilyn
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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Hi Misty. Your writing is clear with well described scenes. Dialogue is realistic. My suggestion for the ending paragraph is to put thoughts into italics to emphasize the fact:
"Hearing the commotion above him, Luigi runs across the room. He sees the cops have the main house surrounded when he watches his video feed. (I knew it'd only be a matter of time. Luckily, they won't find me down here,--italics for thoughts.) he thinks as he glances around the room. Marilyn
Comment Written 27-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 28-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for such a wonderful review, it means a lot to me coming from you. I will change that right now, thank you so much for your suggestion.
Thank you again for such a great review, take care.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Misty, wow, as usual there's a lot of action in this well written chapter. It get's a little heated not only between the police ranks, but now Luigi is a little upset.I can't wait to be reading on. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Hi Misty, wow, as usual there's a lot of action in this well written chapter. It get's a little heated not only between the police ranks, but now Luigi is a little upset.I can't wait to be reading on. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for your great review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Jeff didn't want to be excluded for sure, but Joe is determined to take down the Greco clan come H*** or high water.
Thank you again for your great review, take care.
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello Misty
Without any doubt you know how to keep the action going in this chapter
There is one part I don't recall about Jeff's past history when Joe said, " "I'm afraid your history could hinder his prosecution. So I don't think it'd be a good idea for you to join us tonight."
Gert
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Hello Misty
Without any doubt you know how to keep the action going in this chapter
There is one part I don't recall about Jeff's past history when Joe said, " "I'm afraid your history could hinder his prosecution. So I don't think it'd be a good idea for you to join us tonight."
Gert
Comment Written 26-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 26-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review. I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Jeff's history was briefly mentioned back in chapter 2 imminent danger so that's probably why you can't remember. Do you think I should refresh readers minds since it is so far back? Probably, huh?
Thank you again for such a wonderful review all your support, suggestions, and friendship. They mean a lot to me, take care.
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You are welcome Misty
About Jeff's past history to me it would be good to bring it up in your next chapter.
Gert
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lol, now you tell me. This is what I added to the one you just read. What do you think? is it enough or do I need to add more? should I add more in the next chapter?
He recalls how he stormed in the Greco house with a chip on his shoulder and lots to prove; his and Greco's pissing contest that took place shortly after.
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Misty my feelings are add more in your next chapter. Misty it's up to you, please do what you believe is best
Gert
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So I took your advice and this is what I wrote. What do you think?
With adrenaline on overdrive the team, busts down the Greco's door. "Go, go," Joe orders. The team storms through the house.
"You won't find anything." Bruno Greco laughs recline on the couch.
"We'll just see about that."
Bruno turns to see who it is. "Well look at you, little Jeffy is playing dress up. Do you run home for titty milk on breaks or bring it with you?" Jeff ignores the comment. "Saw your daddy sleeping on the street corner the other day; well, I think it was him. The way your mama is, it's hard to tell."
"You're just mad because she wouldn't sleep with you, Greco," Jeff spouts off.
"I wouldn't want that trash in my bed; God knows what diseases would come from that twat." He points towards Jeff and laughs. Jeff lunges for him. Joe pulls him away.
"You better drink a lot more titty milk before you take me on, little man." Bruno laughs, arrogantly straightens his clothes. Jeff lunges at him again. Joe grabs him and drags him across the room. "I'm going to make sure you get yours if it's the last thing I do," Jeff yells.
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Hello Mistydawn
I like it, I just wondering about this line
With adrenaline on overdrive the team, busts down the Greco's door.
How would it sound to you if your line said
With adrenaline with full steam the team, breaks down Greco's door.
Gert
Comment from nancy_e_davis
I don't know Dawn. He would be a little stupid to give up his location when they went to so much trouble to have an escape route. I am afraid for Rachel, however it is up to you whether he tries to take her down with the yard full of uniformed officers. Just a thought. Good imagery and story line. :) Nancy
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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I don't know Dawn. He would be a little stupid to give up his location when they went to so much trouble to have an escape route. I am afraid for Rachel, however it is up to you whether he tries to take her down with the yard full of uniformed officers. Just a thought. Good imagery and story line. :) Nancy
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for your kind review, I'm glad you're getting into the story, that you can relate to the characters. You're right it would be stupid for him to chance it, especially with so much police presence. Then again loyalty, revenge makes you do dumb things. You've given me something to think about.
Thank you again for your great review, and all your support, it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Roxanna Andrews
Oh no. Rachel is in trouble again. This is a very bad man. I hope she comes out of it okay, but I guess I will have to read the next chapter to find out. Well done again. Rox
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Oh no. Rachel is in trouble again. This is a very bad man. I hope she comes out of it okay, but I guess I will have to read the next chapter to find out. Well done again. Rox
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 25-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for your terrific review, I'm so glad you're really getting into the story. Luigi is a very evil man for sure and no one will be safe until he's behind the metal bars.
Thank you again for all your support, it means a lot to me, take care.
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
Ooooo... a secret tunnel! So Luigi will get away after all. I lovvvve it! This would make a great movie. I'd love to see that tunnel. :)
your son's Tito's arrest <-- Remove apostrophe from son's. Just write "your son Tito's arrest."
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Ooooo... a secret tunnel! So Luigi will get away after all. I lovvvve it! This would make a great movie. I'd love to see that tunnel. :)
your son's Tito's arrest <-- Remove apostrophe from son's. Just write "your son Tito's arrest."
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Thank you for such a fantastic review and wonderful praise. It's a great way to end the week. A movie, that'd be great. if Dick Wolf directed it, that'd be a dream come true.
Thank you again for such a wonderful review your praise your support, and friendship. It means so much to me, take care.
Comment from apky
I hope Luigi doesnt shoot Rachel! Goodness, this is getting better and better. Very well written and your writing is becoming more and more believalble, Misty.
Keep up the great work.
"We have a warrant for your son(delete-'s) Tito's arrest and a warrant to search the premises
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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I hope Luigi doesnt shoot Rachel! Goodness, this is getting better and better. Very well written and your writing is becoming more and more believalble, Misty.
Keep up the great work.
"We have a warrant for your son(delete-'s) Tito's arrest and a warrant to search the premises
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for such a fantastic review and all of your high praise. That means a lot to me coming from you.
Thank you again for all your help, support and friendship it means the world to me, take care.
Comment from Sugarray77
Wow, what a suspenseful read this is. They found what it took to make Luigi snap and there is no telling how this is going to come down for all of them at that house. Well done on keeping the suspense high and the plot flowing.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Wow, what a suspenseful read this is. They found what it took to make Luigi snap and there is no telling how this is going to come down for all of them at that house. Well done on keeping the suspense high and the plot flowing.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review I'm so glad you enjoyed it. You're right, Luigi will stop at nothing until he gets two things, money and revenge.
Thank you again for your wonderful review, take care.
Comment from Marvin Calloway
This s pretty exciting stuff, with never a dull moment. It's very well written and has excellent detailing. You demonstrate a thorough knowledge of this kind of story.
Marv
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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This s pretty exciting stuff, with never a dull moment. It's very well written and has excellent detailing. You demonstrate a thorough knowledge of this kind of story.
Marv
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for your fantastic review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. The action is only starting to heat up. Luigi has a lot more on his list.
Thank you again for your great review, take care.
Comment from royowen
It looks like Luigi is going to do something silly by perhaps trying to rescue Bruno, he's in a room designated to allow him to escape detection and arrest, but this may change. Is Joevperhaps making a mistake, here? Breat episode, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Do you have to be so (ruff). Rough? 2: your son('s) Tito's arrest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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It looks like Luigi is going to do something silly by perhaps trying to rescue Bruno, he's in a room designated to allow him to escape detection and arrest, but this may change. Is Joevperhaps making a mistake, here? Breat episode, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Do you have to be so (ruff). Rough? 2: your son('s) Tito's arrest.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 24-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 24-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for your nice review, I'm so glad you enjoyed it. Luigi's loyalty causes him to do something drastic.
Thank you again for your wonderful review all your help and support, and friendship. It means so much to me, take care.
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Most welcome
