Comment from tfawcus

Excellent

You've put together an interesting mosaic of fragments here and arranged them in what seem at first to be arbitrary and random patterns, but which come together as a whole that is more than the sum of its parts.
I found the one-word lines at the beginning (Erased, Misplaced, Lost and Abandoned) particularly effective building blocks for what then followed.
I think that knickknacks needs either to be two words or hyphenated. You follow it with an effective use of repetition in your expansion:
On so many shelves
In so many rooms
In so many apartments
It is so true, isn't it, that these possessions have a habit of growing until they fill all space available!
I enjoyed your experiment in form and thought it worked well.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

---

reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018

Thanks so much for this excellent review and your comments and suggestions; very interesting. I am glad the form and framework seemed to work; this fragmented style will be a hallmark of this new book. Glad you enjoyed it my friend estory

Comment from Thomas Bowling

Excellent

This reminds me of a post I wrote "Snippets." It's very clever. If you used the prase:

Like so many knickknacks
On so many shelves
In so many rooms
In so many apartments

You could have entered it in the repeating phrase contest.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

---

reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018

Thanks so much for the five star review and all your comments and suggestions supporting the poem. Glad you found it so thought provoking and well written. Minimalism is a style I love to explore; I think its a great new way of making music in language outside of the rhyme estory

Comment from Jacqueline O.

Excellent

Loved it! The fragmented stanzas and broken phrases really gave a sense of pace and setting, making it easily digested and interesting to read. I like the last stanza in particular, with the twist on the old cliché of footsteps in the sand being worn away. Your take on this concept was fresh and inspiring, and I hope to hear more from you soon!

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

---

reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018

Thanks so much for the excellent review and all your wonderful comments supporting this piece. I am so glad you found it so inspiring and I hope you continue to enjoy the poetry of this book, which will explore fragmentation as an experience. estory

Comment from jenintorre

Excellent

I thought this poem was very profound and well written. It is all so true and has really given me something to ponder on. Well done.
Best wishes. Jen.

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

---

reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018

Thanks so much for the excellent review and your support of this poem; glad you enjoyed it and found it so thought provoking. estory

Comment from Dolly'sPoems

Excellent

This is a pessimistic view with some resonance, and it is true that we all fade away and we wonder what was it all for? The secret is to enjoy the ride, a bit like goin to the fair ground, it does not last forever, but it was fun whilst it lasted, love Dolly x

This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

---

reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018

Thanks so much for the excellent review and your interesting perspective on the poem. I don't know if its really pessimistic; I kind of like to think of it as a romantic experience of life; the poignancy of these lost moments, that is so central to the romantic philosophy of experience. You are never completely happy or fulfilled; there is always something of the past that is lost, always something of the present that is unsatisfying and the future that is always just out of reach estory