Comment from Spitfire

Excellent

This presents the reader with a lot of questions. He'll read on to find the answers. The setting and the protagonist set the mood for a survival story. Kill or be killed. Add the political element as further enticement. Well done, Bill.

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018

Thanks, Shari

Comment from Jannypan (Jan)

Excellent

This is a good prologue into a scary book from this scenario, Bill. You did a good job introducing your book. I see to change, but I know little about writing a book. Best wishes on this endeavor. Jan

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018

Thanks, Janny

Comment from judiverse

Excellent

A most dangerous game, for sure. I know politics has been described as a blood sport, but never knew it extended this far! The White House is pretty risky, but so far I don't think anyone has been shot! Ben's only option other than being shot point-blank is to take part in the hunt and kill game. And he has twelve people to kill. I think they should just get together and launch an attack on the White House. Lots of excitement building here as we wonder what will happen in this deadly game. I believe there are places where you might cut some wording. One example: The unsheathed fighting knife he carried in his hand brushed against his body, making small cuts. Sometimes you don't that "that"l judi

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018

Thanks, Judi

reply by judiverse on 20-Aug-2018

You're very welcome. judi

Comment from Y. M. Roger

Good

Okay, so this definitely looks to be a unique and interesting book - your action is certainly not slow and the image you've created certainly gives enough to want to continue and not quite enough to have the whole story - good job! :) I've listed below a few grammatical catches - employ or not as you like. :) I'm looking forward to the read! :)
"dead, and searching" 'dead and searching'
"him-- right" 'him - right'
"road it would" 'road, it would'
"was there he would" 'was there, he would'
"the knife, or improvise" 'the knife or improvise'


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 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018

Thanks for the suggestions, Yvette.

Comment from nomi338

Excellent

This is still a thrilling, hair raising story. Whoa, as scary and unreal as this ay appear to some, for me it is all too possible and feasible given the mindset currently in residence in the White House at this moment. A new and unique way to say "You are fired!"

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018

Exactly!

Comment from Gloria ....

Excellent

Man this is getting right into the thick of action in the opening line. Even though it's most uncomfortable to even read, the unsheathed knife brushing against his body and making small cuts when he walks tells us a lot about his character.

Ha, and the ending is a gripper. This is going to be good. Excellent read, Bill.

Gloria

 Comment Written 20-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018

Thanks, Gloria, for the encouraging review. Now for the ?uncomfortable? next chapter.

Comment from l.d.lauritzen

Excellent

Love the title-Baker's Dozen-tighten scenes to punch it up.
But I think I'd give him a jazzier first name-Dutch Baker, Chance, Ben just seems too tame for this guy.
Dirty and naked______Baker stumbled out of the forest covered in dirt, sweat, and pine needles. He collapsed on the dirt road and tried to get his bearings. A 9mm pistol hung from a boot lace around his midsection. He hefted it noting the weight and bleeding it caused from rubbing on his leg. The magazine still carried all eight rounds.
The unsheathed fighting knife in his right hand had unfortunately brushed his other thigh gashing him as he worked his way through the timberland.

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018

Thanks for the re-write. Our hero, however, isn't a Rambo, but more of a Yoyo. He is out of his depth and desperate to win and survive. More like a real person in a crazy situation than a unrealistic character who would never let himself get in this situation in the first place.

Comment from lyenochka

Excellent

The story reminds me of the plot of a short story, The Most Dangerous Game. It seems like such a cruel joke to not make him the hunted but also the killer. I wonder if I got in the middle of this. Will check earlier posts.

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018

This is the first chapter, prologue. All stories lead back to some other story.

Comment from Alcreator Litt Dear

Excellent

This speaks a dilemma to kill all the people who had once been former friends of the President, he was to kill, he decided to kill all them; well said, well done. Keep Writing -- DR ALCREATOR

 Comment Written 19-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018

Thanks, ALD

Comment from Lady Jane

Excellent

You know, John Wick said the same thing at the end of the last movie...Tell them, I'll kill them, tell them I'll kill them all. Very crisp writing with no errors to note. Engages the reader from start to finish and is paced nicely. I like hearing his voice throughout and the tense perfectly set up the pace for this well written chapter. Thanks for sharing and good luck with the remaining chapters. I look forward to catching up on this...
Janelle

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 Comment Written 19-Aug-2018

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reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018

Thanks. You're right about John Wick. I guess it was floating in there as I wrote this last sentence. Man, I really want to see John Wick 3.

reply by Lady Jane on 19-Aug-2018

I know right, May 2019! Around the 9th or thereabouts ;-)