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Viewing comments for Chapter 13 "The Thirteenth Chapter"A Romantic, Superhero-like, Geek Horror story.
16 total reviews
Comment from RGstar
Just thought to come over to the book side to give the authors a spin having been away three months.
I liked the take and the genre.
One thing found, which many make.
"For Eu El, there is no question in choosing between an adult video, and the gratification of adhering to the moral code of a fictional role model in a cape, or mask."
Because of the many mention of his name before and after what I have pasted here, you should really get into the habit of trying to find ways of not using 'EU E1' so many times.
Pronouns = him, or some other way would make a difference, or it gives a report style.
Where established you are already speaking about a person, good not to keep using his or her name....evn its name. That will give a big boost to the write.
Well done.
My best wishes.
RGstar
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Just thought to come over to the book side to give the authors a spin having been away three months.
I liked the take and the genre.
One thing found, which many make.
"For Eu El, there is no question in choosing between an adult video, and the gratification of adhering to the moral code of a fictional role model in a cape, or mask."
Because of the many mention of his name before and after what I have pasted here, you should really get into the habit of trying to find ways of not using 'EU E1' so many times.
Pronouns = him, or some other way would make a difference, or it gives a report style.
Where established you are already speaking about a person, good not to keep using his or her name....evn its name. That will give a big boost to the write.
Well done.
My best wishes.
RGstar
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Well noted. The small grammar issues are hard to catch when I write past midnight. Thank you for catching that.
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Well noted. The small grammar issues are hard to catch when I write past midnight. Thank you for catching that.
Comment from giraffmang
The write continues to be very distinctive and intriguing. Great cut off point at the end.
struggles to recover from the frightful vision awoke him from his sleep moments ago. - I would insert 'which' after vision here.
bowing to the villainy that is peer pressure - isn't that the truth... lol
Eu El definitely lives in his own narrow-focused world, but steadfastness isn't necessarily a bad thing.
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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The write continues to be very distinctive and intriguing. Great cut off point at the end.
struggles to recover from the frightful vision awoke him from his sleep moments ago. - I would insert 'which' after vision here.
bowing to the villainy that is peer pressure - isn't that the truth... lol
Eu El definitely lives in his own narrow-focused world, but steadfastness isn't necessarily a bad thing.
Comment Written 25-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 27-Aug-2018
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Awesome! Thank you for the continued words of support for this project. Am I headed in the right direction? I?ve been pondering what the next chapter will be like after completing chapter 13. Thank you for the review!
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Awesome! Thank you for the continued words of support for this project. Am I headed in the right direction? I?ve been pondering what the next chapter will be like after completing chapter 13. Thank you for the review!
Comment from royowen
Ue El, sounds very much like I did when I was young. I had similar day dreams like this. Everybody wants to be a super hero, wanting to be strong, with phenomenal physical and moral attributes, nothing like the greatest of super heroes Jesus. A most imaginative story, every boys dream. I enjoyed it immensely, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Realising he has traveled (soo) far. Too? 2: (laying) in bed. One lays an egg. One LIES in bed. (Laying) down helplessly. Lying?
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Ue El, sounds very much like I did when I was young. I had similar day dreams like this. Everybody wants to be a super hero, wanting to be strong, with phenomenal physical and moral attributes, nothing like the greatest of super heroes Jesus. A most imaginative story, every boys dream. I enjoyed it immensely, well done, blessings, Roy
Typo : Realising he has traveled (soo) far. Too? 2: (laying) in bed. One lays an egg. One LIES in bed. (Laying) down helplessly. Lying?
Comment Written 22-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Thank you for your kind and engaging comments and corrections. Very humbled for the stars. Thank you!
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Thank you for your kind and engaging comments and corrections. Very humbled for the stars. Thank you!
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Always a pleasure
Comment from kahpot
An absolutely excellent read, ( I am still a little lost) but this chapter has filled in some gaps, with Eu El going back, he still seems to have moved on a bit from my last read, he was talking to a friend in s coffee shop I think (reading palms) I'll keep search ing in hope to find my missing past****kahpot
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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An absolutely excellent read, ( I am still a little lost) but this chapter has filled in some gaps, with Eu El going back, he still seems to have moved on a bit from my last read, he was talking to a friend in s coffee shop I think (reading palms) I'll keep search ing in hope to find my missing past****kahpot
Comment Written 19-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Thank you. I just came back from a mini vacation, and haven't had time to sit behind my PC. thank you for your review. Here's the link to the chapters beginning from chapter 1.
https://www.fanstory.com/chapterdetails.jsp?id=37198
Hope this works. Navigating through fanstory is slightly cumbersome. But, I was able to locate it by clicking onto the "Community" Tab and finding my ID: Cybertron1986.
Comment from Ann Marie Anglin
This resonates with an ominous mystery, suspense building as the ghost-like being shows up at his bedside. Very creepy. I look forward to more of this story, and this engaging protagonist. Thanks for sharing! All the best, Ann Marie
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018
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This resonates with an ominous mystery, suspense building as the ghost-like being shows up at his bedside. Very creepy. I look forward to more of this story, and this engaging protagonist. Thanks for sharing! All the best, Ann Marie
Comment Written 18-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018
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Thank you. Glad this chapter was able to identify with you as the reader in the way it was intended. Appreciate your feedback and review. Regards,
Euell
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Thank you. Glad this chapter was able to identify with you as the reader in the way it was intended. Appreciate your feedback and review. Regards,
Euell
Comment from lyenochka
Somehow I remember someone entering his room at the end of the last chapter. I guess you must have added more before leading to that. I like the use of the spider as a theme from the comic book to creating a sense of ominousness for what's about to be revealed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018
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Somehow I remember someone entering his room at the end of the last chapter. I guess you must have added more before leading to that. I like the use of the spider as a theme from the comic book to creating a sense of ominousness for what's about to be revealed.
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 17-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 19-Aug-2018
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Hi, lyenochka!
I?ve been away on a small vacation since my last post. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I?m glad the use of the spider was able to achieve the effect for what was attended for the reader. Thank you
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Hi, lyenochka!
I?ve been away on a small vacation since my last post. Thank you for taking the time to read and review. I?m glad the use of the spider was able to achieve the effect for what was attended for the reader. Thank you
