A Historical Perspective
The jet engine53 total reviews
Comment from sandy montgomery
An interesting and unique piece. I have never flown so I don't know what it might inspire in me. Your poetry took some interesting turns and ended up being all the better for it. Thank you for sharing your work.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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An interesting and unique piece. I have never flown so I don't know what it might inspire in me. Your poetry took some interesting turns and ended up being all the better for it. Thank you for sharing your work.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Thank you for reading it.
Comment from Adam Ihnken
A bit choppy, not sure that all of the poem registers with the reader the way you might have hoped.
"I walk as individual.
Internally, I emphasize this.
I am. Will be."
'as an individual' would be better, just because it's poetry doesn't mean it should sound like it was spoken by a toddler. The last two lines are broken in a way that renders them meaningless to a reader.
"So,
when the self
suddenly leaves-
Such as,
at moment of take-off
jet plane"
The 'jet plane' feels weird without a period behind 'take-off,' it ends up sounding like a combined sentence 'Such as, the moment of take-off' and 'take-off jet plane'
"Exhilaration
Power
Trap doors shut
Wind-mind diverted"
Not sure what 'wind-mind diverted' means. As you take off does the part of your brain that wants to fly suddenly divert?
"And as we rise,
I become something else
A part of...
A part of us
Of history
The nascense
of jet engines"
'nascence' rather than 'nascense' But nice usage of the word.
"WWII
I see the Messerschmitt Me 262
The precipice
As my Nazi jet engine
lifts me skyward"
This threw me off, aside from the picture, the sudden admission of a Nazi jet engine made me question how connected I felt to the poem.
"The sacrifice of all before
I am humbled
Strangely, peace fills me"
This is my favorite verse. I understood the feeling and the ideology of it.
"And I become...
a nation
I am America"
I assume this line bothers people the most. But I get it, I like the reveal. I do think all three final verses could use slightly more clarity, but the effect is there.
It's a brilliant poem, good luck with future writing!
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The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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A bit choppy, not sure that all of the poem registers with the reader the way you might have hoped.
"I walk as individual.
Internally, I emphasize this.
I am. Will be."
'as an individual' would be better, just because it's poetry doesn't mean it should sound like it was spoken by a toddler. The last two lines are broken in a way that renders them meaningless to a reader.
"So,
when the self
suddenly leaves-
Such as,
at moment of take-off
jet plane"
The 'jet plane' feels weird without a period behind 'take-off,' it ends up sounding like a combined sentence 'Such as, the moment of take-off' and 'take-off jet plane'
"Exhilaration
Power
Trap doors shut
Wind-mind diverted"
Not sure what 'wind-mind diverted' means. As you take off does the part of your brain that wants to fly suddenly divert?
"And as we rise,
I become something else
A part of...
A part of us
Of history
The nascense
of jet engines"
'nascence' rather than 'nascense' But nice usage of the word.
"WWII
I see the Messerschmitt Me 262
The precipice
As my Nazi jet engine
lifts me skyward"
This threw me off, aside from the picture, the sudden admission of a Nazi jet engine made me question how connected I felt to the poem.
"The sacrifice of all before
I am humbled
Strangely, peace fills me"
This is my favorite verse. I understood the feeling and the ideology of it.
"And I become...
a nation
I am America"
I assume this line bothers people the most. But I get it, I like the reveal. I do think all three final verses could use slightly more clarity, but the effect is there.
It's a brilliant poem, good luck with future writing!
This rating does not count towards story rating or author rank.
The highest and the lowest rating are not included in calculations.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
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I understand your concerns.
I have violated many grammatical norms over the years. Too often, they are simply in the way. Also, I write in a "Gestalt" style. This, basically, gives the author
complete freedom. So...I am glad you enjoyed this, but I believe you would have to read me more to accept or not accept my "style."
Comment from Boogienights
Very unusual poem, I liked it. I'm guessing that you are making a point about why nations do what they do and that they all have justifications for their actions. Am I on the right track? Interesting, it kept my attention.
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Very unusual poem, I liked it. I'm guessing that you are making a point about why nations do what they do and that they all have justifications for their actions. Am I on the right track? Interesting, it kept my attention.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Yes, your take applies just as well. Thank you. Doug
Comment from His Grayness
Certainly a very unique an captivating work here with great capture and grip delivered by the German jet so rarely seen. The dialog is certainly interesting, actually astounding, if the author really indeed did take to the air in this awesome old war-bird! The thought of that explodes joy in me as a lifelong student and lover of military aircraft of all type. Many thanks to this author for a truly imaginative and joyful trip! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Certainly a very unique an captivating work here with great capture and grip delivered by the German jet so rarely seen. The dialog is certainly interesting, actually astounding, if the author really indeed did take to the air in this awesome old war-bird! The thought of that explodes joy in me as a lifelong student and lover of military aircraft of all type. Many thanks to this author for a truly imaginative and joyful trip! HIS GRAYNESS: Vance
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Thank you, my dear sir.
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my joy indeed, all thanks belong to you!! HIS GRAYNESS VANCE
Comment from royowen
It's truly amazing as the destructive forces known to man, and the decimation of populations, and yet war produces more negative results for men, yet it produces unparalleled technological advances, well done, just as well England had the spitfire and radar. Good job, blessings, Roy
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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It's truly amazing as the destructive forces known to man, and the decimation of populations, and yet war produces more negative results for men, yet it produces unparalleled technological advances, well done, just as well England had the spitfire and radar. Good job, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Damn straight, Roy. Thank you.
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Good job
Comment from rjuselius
this is a profound piece of poetry dear victor! I think you have captured the heart of humanity.
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings and a hearty hug!
Rebekka x
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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this is a profound piece of poetry dear victor! I think you have captured the heart of humanity.
Thanks for sharing!
Blessings and a hearty hug!
Rebekka x
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2019
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Awe, shucks. You're the best. Thanks, Doug.
Comment from Artasylum
Hey Victor... I believe as you do... especially now that all countries are self serving and as a result the information we are receiving is skewed and leaves us the people unable to understand who we are. yours, diana
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Hey Victor... I believe as you do... especially now that all countries are self serving and as a result the information we are receiving is skewed and leaves us the people unable to understand who we are. yours, diana
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from kiwijenny
As a citizen of this great land America I can appreciate the founding fathers and the freedom FOR religion here. There is no where on earth like it. Many take it for granted this freedom...that came with great sacrifice. I'm glad you don't
God bless
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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As a citizen of this great land America I can appreciate the founding fathers and the freedom FOR religion here. There is no where on earth like it. Many take it for granted this freedom...that came with great sacrifice. I'm glad you don't
God bless
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Thank you.
Comment from robyn corum
Victor,
Wow. I think this is one of the easiest-understandable of your recent poems. I love the message - how (as I take it) perhaps a pilot is a pilot - the individual -- until he steps into that cockpit to fight an enemy -- at which time he becomes part of something much larger than himself, alone.
Such a smart piece! Thank you - I enjoyed!
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Victor,
Wow. I think this is one of the easiest-understandable of your recent poems. I love the message - how (as I take it) perhaps a pilot is a pilot - the individual -- until he steps into that cockpit to fight an enemy -- at which time he becomes part of something much larger than himself, alone.
Such a smart piece! Thank you - I enjoyed!
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Thank you for reading it.
Comment from friartuck
It's a very interesting style that you have created here - I've seen you use it before, and even as it piques the "traditionalist" in my nature, it attracts my curious side. Yes, I still have a curious side, even at age 76.
That picture of the ME-262 caught my attention - had it been developed just a little earlier, the war might have turned out quite differently.
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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It's a very interesting style that you have created here - I've seen you use it before, and even as it piques the "traditionalist" in my nature, it attracts my curious side. Yes, I still have a curious side, even at age 76.
That picture of the ME-262 caught my attention - had it been developed just a little earlier, the war might have turned out quite differently.
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Oct-2019
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Yes, it certainly may have. Did you know it was available in 1939? Hitler kept refusing to allow its development.
