Guilt By Association-Chapter One
A cross-examination of the heart.24 total reviews
Comment from Rosemary Everson1
wow! You have been busy writing. I'm a fan of yours so I'm trying to catch up on your writings. Good luck Sally! I will continue reading the other chapters as you write them.
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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wow! You have been busy writing. I'm a fan of yours so I'm trying to catch up on your writings. Good luck Sally! I will continue reading the other chapters as you write them.
Comment Written 03-Dec-2019
reply by the author on 03-Dec-2019
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You are going way, way back. The contest was cancelled after three chapters, but I loved it. I learned a lot about writing. This was one of the first things I ever wrote. Thank you, you make me feel so good. Sally xoxo
Comment from Anne B Francis
Yes you have this to a 'T' guilty going free etc. The law can be an ASS and needs some home truths thrown within it pages.
It took me ages to read being blind in the left eye then I noticed FS gave the signal it could be increased which helped, I do wish however they would allow you to type in bold and in whatever script you choose, but we cannot have it all.
Well done Sally
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Yes you have this to a 'T' guilty going free etc. The law can be an ASS and needs some home truths thrown within it pages.
It took me ages to read being blind in the left eye then I noticed FS gave the signal it could be increased which helped, I do wish however they would allow you to type in bold and in whatever script you choose, but we cannot have it all.
Well done Sally
Comment Written 30-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 30-Sep-2018
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Thank you dear Anne for the sixer and great review. It?s nice that I get to write about justice being served. I am having fun with this novella. Already working on chapter three. Thank you for sharing your eyesight and precious opinion!
Kindest regards,
Sally
Comment from damommy
It's easy to see why this won in a contest. I'm drawn in to all the drama and machinations of the prosecuting attorney. Looking forward to reading Part Two.
-When speaking of Christ, all 'Yous' should be capitalized.
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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It's easy to see why this won in a contest. I'm drawn in to all the drama and machinations of the prosecuting attorney. Looking forward to reading Part Two.
-When speaking of Christ, all 'Yous' should be capitalized.
Comment Written 18-Sep-2018
reply by the author on 18-Sep-2018
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Thank you so much. I am thrilled you like it.
All my best,
Sally
Comment from LIJ Red
This is the first of your work I have read. Excellent. I would avoid present tense in most cases, otherwise, this aggravating thing stops right at a crucial moment(as planned and required) and well deserves the win.
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2018
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This is the first of your work I have read. Excellent. I would avoid present tense in most cases, otherwise, this aggravating thing stops right at a crucial moment(as planned and required) and well deserves the win.
Comment Written 29-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 29-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for the excellent review. I am appreciative of the critique, as well. I struggle with tenses, as I have a tendency to go back and forth in the same sentence. I have finished Chapter Two and preparing to get additional proofreading. I am sight impaired and have a few challenges to overcome in my writing. I love writing though, it is so much for me.
Have a great day!
Sally
Comment from giraffmang
hi there,
The big thing that struck me when I read this opening instalment was the passivity in the write and the leaning toward telling over showing. You utilise was/is/had/that/were a lot. I think if you went through this again and noted down the amount they are used you'd be surprised. [This is something I used to do a lot and then I'd try to write around them as it can make the writing more direct and immersive]
This is a serious case and the defendant's life hangs in the balance--as the penalty for such crimes are punishable with life imprisonment - perhaps rework this a little as the statement of one's life hanging in the balance for the crime suggests the death penalty which isn't the case here.
Your tenses also waver from telling us what will happen to what has happened to what is happening. The fluctuations between past and present are the most obtrusive through.
You never close off the Bible quote.
I think you have a good set up here.
GMG
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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hi there,
The big thing that struck me when I read this opening instalment was the passivity in the write and the leaning toward telling over showing. You utilise was/is/had/that/were a lot. I think if you went through this again and noted down the amount they are used you'd be surprised. [This is something I used to do a lot and then I'd try to write around them as it can make the writing more direct and immersive]
This is a serious case and the defendant's life hangs in the balance--as the penalty for such crimes are punishable with life imprisonment - perhaps rework this a little as the statement of one's life hanging in the balance for the crime suggests the death penalty which isn't the case here.
Your tenses also waver from telling us what will happen to what has happened to what is happening. The fluctuations between past and present are the most obtrusive through.
You never close off the Bible quote.
I think you have a good set up here.
GMG
Comment Written 23-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 23-Aug-2018
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Thank you very much for the review and critique. It was very helpful.
Kind regards,
Sally
Comment from Thomas Bowling
This is a very enjoyable ending with a cliffhanger at the end. I always put a cliffhanger at the end of my chapters. It keeps the readers coming back. Good luck in the contest.
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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This is a very enjoyable ending with a cliffhanger at the end. I always put a cliffhanger at the end of my chapters. It keeps the readers coming back. Good luck in the contest.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 22-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for the excellent review. I am so glad you liked it. Stay tuned for Chapter Two!
All my best,
Sally
Comment from Debbie Pope
You have the start of a good novelette here. I was engaged for the whole chapter. Your courtroom scene is interesting and realistic. You also have excellent characterization. I would start your story with your second sentence rather than your first. It needs to be more powerful. Put the word ruthless in the first sentence somehow. It's a better grabber.
That's really my only suggestion. Your ending is very good. The mystery text creates suspense and keeps people reading.
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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You have the start of a good novelette here. I was engaged for the whole chapter. Your courtroom scene is interesting and realistic. You also have excellent characterization. I would start your story with your second sentence rather than your first. It needs to be more powerful. Put the word ruthless in the first sentence somehow. It's a better grabber.
That's really my only suggestion. Your ending is very good. The mystery text creates suspense and keeps people reading.
Comment Written 21-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for the excellent review. I like to grab with my opener and I will heed you advice. Thank you. A novella is so much fun and new for me.
Kindest regards,
Sally
Comment from Liberty Justice
Very interesting and intriguing chain of events. YEAH, GUESS WHAT? Before I gave you my thumbs up, you only had 4 and were in a two way or 3 way tie for 2nd place. My thumbs up gave you a 5 and placed you in 1st place by yourself. YEAH. I HOPE YOU WIN. Check out my writings, also. So true that courtts and people will judge you by the company you keep. If people you associate HAVE negative characteristics this can be held against you. Liberty justice
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Very interesting and intriguing chain of events. YEAH, GUESS WHAT? Before I gave you my thumbs up, you only had 4 and were in a two way or 3 way tie for 2nd place. My thumbs up gave you a 5 and placed you in 1st place by yourself. YEAH. I HOPE YOU WIN. Check out my writings, also. So true that courtts and people will judge you by the company you keep. If people you associate HAVE negative characteristics this can be held against you. Liberty justice
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 21-Aug-2018
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Thank you so much for the excellent review. I appreciate your imput very much. I love writing a novella and adding to the storyline chapter by chapter. Stay turned Liberty Justice!
All my best,
Sally
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Yes, I gave you my thumbs up and I hope you won. lolol liberty justice
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Thank you Liberty. I am so honored. I am very new to Fan Story and I am sure to check out your writing. You can count on it. Sal
Comment from GollyGreen32
I enjoyed your story, but I thought maybe there was too much narrative and not enough dialogue. I would've liked to see some dialogue between the defendant and his public defender. Or maybe between the State Attorney and his mother.
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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I enjoyed your story, but I thought maybe there was too much narrative and not enough dialogue. I would've liked to see some dialogue between the defendant and his public defender. Or maybe between the State Attorney and his mother.
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the excellent review. I appreciate the feedback very much.
Kindest regards, Sally
Comment from Nanny 6
Very good story... you set up the courtroom and attorneys well... and the defendant being a Christian with a strong faith... I look forward to reading the next chapter : )
Judy
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Very good story... you set up the courtroom and attorneys well... and the defendant being a Christian with a strong faith... I look forward to reading the next chapter : )
Judy
Comment Written 20-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 20-Aug-2018
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Thank you for the excellent review and comments. I am so glad you liked it. A novella is a lot of fun for me. I just finished writing chapter two and I am proofreading it as we speak. Stay tuned!
All my best,
Sally
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Good job Sally... I got my chapter one posted here, but only have notes for chapter two... this is fun because you aren?t tied into a full fledged novel...
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Good job Sally... I got my chapter one posted here, but only have notes for chapter two... this is fun because you aren?t tied into a full fledged novel...
