The French Letter
Viewing comments for Chapter 3 "At Parc Monceau"A Novel
24 total reviews
Comment from trimple
Good afternoon, Tony.
There seemed to be something of the art of the fly fisherman here - and perhaps I was the poor trout -- nice metaphor.
A cold tingle near the base of my spine gave away my anticipation, and an excitement I knew I should not be feeling.--loved this.
I ordered a snifter of cognac. French courage, I thought with a wry smile. -- French courage, indeed. :)
Satisfied with what I saw in the mirror, I took a seat in the corner, under the shadow of a glory vine.--bodes well after the grooming scene before it.
lounging negligently on a settee --nice
I must say that I didn't enjoy this chapter as much as the previous two, but I understand that you are delivering a build-up perhaps and ofc, here we see more dialogue between you and Helen.
I do hope that your trepidation is unfounded as you continue on with your writing buddy. :)
Looking forward to the next.
Kind regards
trimple
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
  |
Good afternoon, Tony.
There seemed to be something of the art of the fly fisherman here - and perhaps I was the poor trout -- nice metaphor.
A cold tingle near the base of my spine gave away my anticipation, and an excitement I knew I should not be feeling.--loved this.
I ordered a snifter of cognac. French courage, I thought with a wry smile. -- French courage, indeed. :)
Satisfied with what I saw in the mirror, I took a seat in the corner, under the shadow of a glory vine.--bodes well after the grooming scene before it.
lounging negligently on a settee --nice
I must say that I didn't enjoy this chapter as much as the previous two, but I understand that you are delivering a build-up perhaps and ofc, here we see more dialogue between you and Helen.
I do hope that your trepidation is unfounded as you continue on with your writing buddy. :)
Looking forward to the next.
Kind regards
trimple
Comment Written 16-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
-
Thanks for your review, Tracey, and for pointing out the parts that worked well for you. Once again, much appreciated. All the best, Tony
-
My pleasure.
Comment from Pearl Edwards
An interesting meeting between these two characters. I liked the comparison Charles makes with the fly-fishing and himself being the trout. She certainly seems to be reeling him in. Enjoyed this chapter Tony,
cheers,
valda
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
|
An interesting meeting between these two characters. I liked the comparison Charles makes with the fly-fishing and himself being the trout. She certainly seems to be reeling him in. Enjoyed this chapter Tony,
cheers,
valda
Comment Written 15-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 16-Aug-2018
-
Many thanks for your review and continued interest, Valda. Appreciated! All the best, Tony
Comment from Ulla
Hi Tony, oh, I liked this a lot. I like the tone and the interaction between the two characters. I will have to fan you because I want to follow this story. I'm intrigued. Very well written. I'll go back to catch up. All the best. Ulla:))
Ps, I don't know if you know what 'French letter also means?" It's a condom, but maybe that's the pun of your title?
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
|
Hi Tony, oh, I liked this a lot. I like the tone and the interaction between the two characters. I will have to fan you because I want to follow this story. I'm intrigued. Very well written. I'll go back to catch up. All the best. Ulla:))
Ps, I don't know if you know what 'French letter also means?" It's a condom, but maybe that's the pun of your title?
Comment Written 12-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
-
Very many thanks for your review, Ulla. I'd be delighted to have you as a fan! Yes, I'm familiar with the term 'French letter'! The reason for the pun in the title might begin to become more apparent as the story progresses!
-
Quite:))
Comment from giraffmang
Hi there,
There seemed to be something of the art of the fly fisherman here - and perhaps I was the poor trout. - that's another great line.
There was a sensual sway to her step, a delicacy of movement and an understated elegance in the cut of her casual ivory blouse and red culottes. Only a blue beret was lacking to complete the patriotic colour scheme. - this is something I love to read. iit's an organic way of introducing the description rather than breaking the movement in the writing to tell the reader what someone is wearing. it happens with the action and flows.
The back and forth banter between the two is very well done.
It seemed she was wasn't going to be drawn to give out more information - delete 'was' from here.
"We?" I thought, regretting - just a minor suggestion here to use the single marks for thought to differentiate from dialogue, or dispense entirely given you're using the tag anyway.
"How about a trip down to Versailles tomorrow," - I would include a question mark here.
"You could, but I'm not staying at a hotel. I've taken lodgings in Montmartre for the month" - end punctuation required here before the closing speech marks.
"On Rue Gabrielle - quite close to the Louise Michel gardens. - need closing speech marks here.
this piece continues to intrigue me. It is very well paced and unfurls naturally. good hooks. nice end point.
GMG
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
|
Hi there,
There seemed to be something of the art of the fly fisherman here - and perhaps I was the poor trout. - that's another great line.
There was a sensual sway to her step, a delicacy of movement and an understated elegance in the cut of her casual ivory blouse and red culottes. Only a blue beret was lacking to complete the patriotic colour scheme. - this is something I love to read. iit's an organic way of introducing the description rather than breaking the movement in the writing to tell the reader what someone is wearing. it happens with the action and flows.
The back and forth banter between the two is very well done.
It seemed she was wasn't going to be drawn to give out more information - delete 'was' from here.
"We?" I thought, regretting - just a minor suggestion here to use the single marks for thought to differentiate from dialogue, or dispense entirely given you're using the tag anyway.
"How about a trip down to Versailles tomorrow," - I would include a question mark here.
"You could, but I'm not staying at a hotel. I've taken lodgings in Montmartre for the month" - end punctuation required here before the closing speech marks.
"On Rue Gabrielle - quite close to the Louise Michel gardens. - need closing speech marks here.
this piece continues to intrigue me. It is very well paced and unfurls naturally. good hooks. nice end point.
GMG
Comment Written 12-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
-
Thanks again, Gareth. You would hardly credit that I proofread this several times before posting it. It just goes to show how important another pair of eyes can be. I appreciate your scooping up of bloopers! All corrected now. I was interested in your comment about speech marks for thoughts. It prompted me to look further into the editorial conventions for this and I learnt several things that I didn't know before. That was a particularly useful heads-up.
Comment from Giddy Nielsen-Sweep
oh, the plot is thickening here, Tony, I think. I find your lady character with the mysterious background quite intriguing. I thought the chapter was going to founder in the middle, travel writers sound so boring, LOL, but it picked up in the finale. I enjoyed it, Giddy
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
|
oh, the plot is thickening here, Tony, I think. I find your lady character with the mysterious background quite intriguing. I thought the chapter was going to founder in the middle, travel writers sound so boring, LOL, but it picked up in the finale. I enjoyed it, Giddy
Comment Written 11-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
-
Glad that I'm holding your interest still! Maybe the travel writer is more than she seems on the surface! It could just be a cover for all sorts of nefarious activities! You never know!
Comment from Pam (respa)
-A good image and chapter, Tony.
-We continue to see the relationship
between Helen and Charles develop.
-He seems a bit smitten and intimidated
by her at the same time.
-We don't know enough about her
yet to understand his feelings, and
maybe that is how he feels, too.
-You use vivid imagery in describing
her outfit as they meet for lunch, and
the situation with the handbag also
takes center stage, you might say.
-I also like her comment to him about the statue.
-As the chapter draws to a close, we
see Charles get more drawn in to Helen's world,
and I am not sure how comfortable he feels about that!
-Only time will tell.
-One small thing to consider:
"captured your attention, monsieur." [capitalize monsieur?]
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
|
-A good image and chapter, Tony.
-We continue to see the relationship
between Helen and Charles develop.
-He seems a bit smitten and intimidated
by her at the same time.
-We don't know enough about her
yet to understand his feelings, and
maybe that is how he feels, too.
-You use vivid imagery in describing
her outfit as they meet for lunch, and
the situation with the handbag also
takes center stage, you might say.
-I also like her comment to him about the statue.
-As the chapter draws to a close, we
see Charles get more drawn in to Helen's world,
and I am not sure how comfortable he feels about that!
-Only time will tell.
-One small thing to consider:
"captured your attention, monsieur." [capitalize monsieur?]
Comment Written 11-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
-
I'm glad you are enjoying the air of mystery. It definitely seems that Charles may be about to bite off more than he can chew, poor man. I'm appreciating all your helpful comments and suggestions. Thanks again!
-
Yes, Charles, poor man, is an apt description, Tony. Could it be that Helen will be too much for him?! You are very welcome for the input, too.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Tony,
Are you sure this is fiction and not a memoir of some sort?
I'm ready to join you at the Rondez-Vous des Amis, danger or not.
I, too, would be staring at the far more interesting young woman
at the base of the Maupassant bust.
Helen wasted no time in luring Charles, willing trout that he appears to be,
but what her interest might be is still to be discovered. It seems their meeting was mere chance, and a very unfortunate one for her friend or co-conspirator.
Well done
I've no sixes left, spent them all on an old stamp.
Robert
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
|
Hello Tony,
Are you sure this is fiction and not a memoir of some sort?
I'm ready to join you at the Rondez-Vous des Amis, danger or not.
I, too, would be staring at the far more interesting young woman
at the base of the Maupassant bust.
Helen wasted no time in luring Charles, willing trout that he appears to be,
but what her interest might be is still to be discovered. It seems their meeting was mere chance, and a very unfortunate one for her friend or co-conspirator.
Well done
I've no sixes left, spent them all on an old stamp.
Robert
Comment Written 11-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
-
Ah! Would that it were not a work of fiction. This young lady, Helen, is beginning to capture a slice of my heart. Methinks she may carve it in pieces! The only reality in this is the amatory ineptness of the hero!
Comment from barbara.wilkey
I love the story. You have captured my interest. Now, for the bad part. I counted 20 that's in this post. I have indicated a few here, but not all of them. Some of the 20 are needed, I am guessing maybe 2 or 3.
Was the forgotten bag just a ploy to make sure that the police associated me with the scene? (you can omit 'that' it's an extra word)
A cold tingle near the base of my spine gave away my anticipation, and an excitement that I knew I should not be feeling. (Again out with 'that')
I felt foolish, sensing that I had been caught on the wrong foot. ('that')
I bridled and was about to protest, but saw that she was teasing me again. (that)
"Of course not! (missing ending quotation marks)
I knew that she didn't believe me. (that)
We both know that I'm not French. (that)
It seemed that she was wasn't going to be drawn to give out more information about herself than she had to. I changed tack. (that)
I had a feeling that a strand had just been spun to draw me into a web. (that)
Yet, I realised that I was still no closer to answering any of the questions disturbing my mind so I said, "Yes, perhaps we should." (that)
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
|
I love the story. You have captured my interest. Now, for the bad part. I counted 20 that's in this post. I have indicated a few here, but not all of them. Some of the 20 are needed, I am guessing maybe 2 or 3.
Was the forgotten bag just a ploy to make sure that the police associated me with the scene? (you can omit 'that' it's an extra word)
A cold tingle near the base of my spine gave away my anticipation, and an excitement that I knew I should not be feeling. (Again out with 'that')
I felt foolish, sensing that I had been caught on the wrong foot. ('that')
I bridled and was about to protest, but saw that she was teasing me again. (that)
"Of course not! (missing ending quotation marks)
I knew that she didn't believe me. (that)
We both know that I'm not French. (that)
It seemed that she was wasn't going to be drawn to give out more information about herself than she had to. I changed tack. (that)
I had a feeling that a strand had just been spun to draw me into a web. (that)
Yet, I realised that I was still no closer to answering any of the questions disturbing my mind so I said, "Yes, perhaps we should." (that)
Comment Written 11-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 12-Aug-2018
-
Very many thanks, Barbara. Clearly I am somewhat blind when it comes to 'that'. You probably won't believe that in my last proofread I removed several others! I have gone through the chapter again carefully and taken out quite a few more, but in some cases I feel (that!) the sentence reads a little awkwardly without it. I found an interesting article on the internet (http://www.bkacontent.com/avoid-overusing-word-writing/) explaining when it should and when it should not be omitted.
It is clearly an area that I need to give close attention to when proofreading. Thanks very much for drawing my attention to it.
Comment from krys123
Cheers, Tony;
>It is not the sensationalism that drives a story, nor is it flamboyancy over the context that makes a story stand above others. It's the actual personal human interaction between Helen and Charles that made the story suspenseful.
> Their congenial meeting at the Café Where he finds a tasteful Chablis and she orders the meal shows that the are relatively working together, despite him wanting to work alone.
> You made a good point of this when you mentioned that he was a strand in the web that she has weaved.
>All of your innuendos point to a suspicious liason between this couple.
>Without ever displaying the reasoning behind their meeting to the fullest one can comprehend that a mystery is involved.
>Thanks for sharing this, Tony, and take care and have a good one especially where everyone loves you.
Alx
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2018
 |
Cheers, Tony;
>It is not the sensationalism that drives a story, nor is it flamboyancy over the context that makes a story stand above others. It's the actual personal human interaction between Helen and Charles that made the story suspenseful.
> Their congenial meeting at the Café Where he finds a tasteful Chablis and she orders the meal shows that the are relatively working together, despite him wanting to work alone.
> You made a good point of this when you mentioned that he was a strand in the web that she has weaved.
>All of your innuendos point to a suspicious liason between this couple.
>Without ever displaying the reasoning behind their meeting to the fullest one can comprehend that a mystery is involved.
>Thanks for sharing this, Tony, and take care and have a good one especially where everyone loves you.
Alx
Comment Written 10-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2018
-
I appreciate the way you have summarised this chapter, Alex, and given me an idea of how it went down with you. Reviews like this encourage me to carry on! Many thanks for the sixth star! Best wishes, Tony
-
I'm so glad ,because I wish you to carry on with more interesting stories, as I last checked, you have traveled from South America to Europe and now other ventures you are having which is fabulous. And I get to know your whole family and all the adventures and I even got turned on to Pablito? Is that its name? The dog?
>Always enjoy your work and thanks for showing it and especially posting it.
Alx
Comment from Pantygynt
you have captured the badinage essential in the meeting of two sophisticated adults. This relationship can progress in any direction you want now the ice has been broken. Just one nit observed:
'Montmatre' - spelling - Montmartre
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2018
|
you have captured the badinage essential in the meeting of two sophisticated adults. This relationship can progress in any direction you want now the ice has been broken. Just one nit observed:
'Montmatre' - spelling - Montmartre
Comment Written 10-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2018
-
Thanks, Jim. Not sure yet which direction this will take!
-
Isn't it exciting when you approach a piece in this way and it works?
