For God!
Viewing comments for Chapter 1 "For God Live Righteously"Dedicated, Thanks to God, God's Appreciation
98 total reviews
Comment from closetpoetjester
Upon the initial reading of this I found it a little discombobulating and lacking flow due to the punctuation and layout. On a second and third read, I found the right spots to pause but found the punctuation was most definitely the problem for me. The use of the semi colon seemed wrong in more than one spot.
I have made my suggestions to smooth the flow and give your piece the impact it deserves. Your words are TRULY uplifting and inspiring but to me don't quite seem pitched in a way that make it easy for the reader, thus diminishing the message and meaning.
I am asking that you take a look at the small changes I have made. Just exchanged the semi colons for commas etc but have NOT changed your message. I will always be honest with my assessment.
Really DID enjoy this piece though.
Excellent!
*changes in brackets ()
Thoughtfully,
P
Profitable it is(,) to be in the good book of God(, because,) it seems talking, advising and giving suggestions is not enough; yearning for benefit and recognition, man acts under compulsion, (thus) upon clear aim; show examples of earthly living, inspire man, cause no suffering to man, incur no loss of human and natural resources (and) use gifts of Nature properly.
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Upon the initial reading of this I found it a little discombobulating and lacking flow due to the punctuation and layout. On a second and third read, I found the right spots to pause but found the punctuation was most definitely the problem for me. The use of the semi colon seemed wrong in more than one spot.
I have made my suggestions to smooth the flow and give your piece the impact it deserves. Your words are TRULY uplifting and inspiring but to me don't quite seem pitched in a way that make it easy for the reader, thus diminishing the message and meaning.
I am asking that you take a look at the small changes I have made. Just exchanged the semi colons for commas etc but have NOT changed your message. I will always be honest with my assessment.
Really DID enjoy this piece though.
Excellent!
*changes in brackets ()
Thoughtfully,
P
Profitable it is(,) to be in the good book of God(, because,) it seems talking, advising and giving suggestions is not enough; yearning for benefit and recognition, man acts under compulsion, (thus) upon clear aim; show examples of earthly living, inspire man, cause no suffering to man, incur no loss of human and natural resources (and) use gifts of Nature properly.
Comment Written 10-Aug-2018
Comment from robyn corum
A,
I absolutely agree. There is no need to harm each other, to steal or defame another person. We can all - if we only try just a wee bit -- get along with each other and create a better living environment. Thanks and good luck!
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A,
I absolutely agree. There is no need to harm each other, to steal or defame another person. We can all - if we only try just a wee bit -- get along with each other and create a better living environment. Thanks and good luck!
Comment Written 09-Aug-2018
Comment from Badger_29
I love the format style theme Andrew of this. It suits the contest rather well, and packs a powerful message I was in the beginning was the word and the Word was with God and the Word was God and the came flesh. And I love in the chapter of Revelations when it says it was Pale Rider on the horse and his issue was dipped in Blood and on the back was his name the word. A pleasure and an honor writing with you here and fellowshipping. Blessings, Darren
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I love the format style theme Andrew of this. It suits the contest rather well, and packs a powerful message I was in the beginning was the word and the Word was with God and the Word was God and the came flesh. And I love in the chapter of Revelations when it says it was Pale Rider on the horse and his issue was dipped in Blood and on the back was his name the word. A pleasure and an honor writing with you here and fellowshipping. Blessings, Darren
Comment Written 09-Aug-2018
Comment from cajunjoe
Good luck in the writing prompt. That 60 word thing is a mighty tall order but I find that you are doing a good job and stand a good chance as any. I like what you are saying but use the word of God, just turn it into your own words. You write, "you see, it seems talking, advising and giving suggestions is not enough" and I would say something like this: "Rebuke those who offend thee with the word of God for it is very profitable for teaching," Good luck
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Good luck in the writing prompt. That 60 word thing is a mighty tall order but I find that you are doing a good job and stand a good chance as any. I like what you are saying but use the word of God, just turn it into your own words. You write, "you see, it seems talking, advising and giving suggestions is not enough" and I would say something like this: "Rebuke those who offend thee with the word of God for it is very profitable for teaching," Good luck
Comment Written 08-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Thank you.
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welcome
Comment from Phyllis Stewart
I think you covered it all. If we could just do half of that, it would be a better world, but the goal should be to treat everyone as we wish to be treated. The Golden Rule covers all we need for peace and happiness.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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I think you covered it all. If we could just do half of that, it would be a better world, but the goal should be to treat everyone as we wish to be treated. The Golden Rule covers all we need for peace and happiness.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Thanks for this comment.
Comment from poetwatch
Wow! Al you pen a righteous path for all to follow. I am in agreement with you. Yet, man as well as women (let's be fair) have always acted by compulsion, never thinking that their actions are judged. We, as a species, still have a long way to go, but by writing to those that have heart... maybe the Word will rise again and comfort the soul. Excellent entry for the Live On Earth Better contest.
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Wow! Al you pen a righteous path for all to follow. I am in agreement with you. Yet, man as well as women (let's be fair) have always acted by compulsion, never thinking that their actions are judged. We, as a species, still have a long way to go, but by writing to those that have heart... maybe the Word will rise again and comfort the soul. Excellent entry for the Live On Earth Better contest.
Comment Written 08-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Thank you for this awesome review and comment I appreciate.
Comment from misscookie
I like the choice of artwork you choose to go with your write it is a perfect write
You captured my attention from the first line to the last
This is what I call a food for thought write.
Thank you for sharig
Cookie
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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I like the choice of artwork you choose to go with your write it is a perfect write
You captured my attention from the first line to the last
This is what I call a food for thought write.
Thank you for sharig
Cookie
Comment Written 08-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Thank you for this wise review I appreciate.
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You're very welcome have a nice day
Cookie
Comment from Raul1
Excellent story! I like this poem. You have explained how we should live better. I think that people have to take care of themselves much better. The one who is living better is the happiest person. Good luck in the contest!
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Excellent story! I like this poem. You have explained how we should live better. I think that people have to take care of themselves much better. The one who is living better is the happiest person. Good luck in the contest!
Comment Written 07-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Thank you for this nice review I appreciate.
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You're welcome
Comment from kahpot
"use gifts of nature properly" wouldn't this be wonderful if we could manage it as it sums up what needs to be done and it fills the rest of this excellent message and read, very well done and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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"use gifts of nature properly" wouldn't this be wonderful if we could manage it as it sums up what needs to be done and it fills the rest of this excellent message and read, very well done and best wishes for your contest****kahpot
Comment Written 07-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 09-Aug-2018
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Thank you for this nice review I appreciate.
Comment from Sharon Haiste
I think this is a good entry for the Live On Earth Better writing prompt.
Your one line packs a powerful message. Very nicely done.
Good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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I think this is a good entry for the Live On Earth Better writing prompt.
Your one line packs a powerful message. Very nicely done.
Good luck to you with this one in the competition.
Sharon
Comment Written 07-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 07-Aug-2018
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Thank you for this good review.
