Fear in a Cave
A Galloping Denturn Poem37 total reviews
Comment from tfawcus
This is the first time I've seen this variety of poem, though I do quite often make a note of Treischel's forms and give a few of them a go. I like the way the rhythm changes at the halfway point. You have some magnificent lines in this. "Thunder applauded itself in its vanity" is probably my favorite!
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2018
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This is the first time I've seen this variety of poem, though I do quite often make a note of Treischel's forms and give a few of them a go. I like the way the rhythm changes at the halfway point. You have some magnificent lines in this. "Thunder applauded itself in its vanity" is probably my favorite!
Comment Written 11-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 11-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Tony. That means a lot to me.
Comment from Joan E.
Thank you for creating and sharing this poem in the Denturn form, which was new to me. I admired your rhythm plus rhymes and storytelling. Leaving us in suspense at the conclusion was effective after the comparison to a "tattoo". Smiles- Joan
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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Thank you for creating and sharing this poem in the Denturn form, which was new to me. I admired your rhythm plus rhymes and storytelling. Leaving us in suspense at the conclusion was effective after the comparison to a "tattoo". Smiles- Joan
Comment Written 04-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 05-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Joan. Several people have asked for a sequel. I may do that. I'm happy you liked the ending.
Comment from Hayley Zemontas
Wow something else I have learned- I had never before heard of or seen a galloping denturn so was intrigued to read your poem and also the explanation behind the form. It sounds quite complicated to do as there seems a lot of rules to follow so well done for such an excellent job. The form aside, I simply enjoyed your poem in general for the suspense and drama within it, and the beautiful use of descriptive imagery such as 'thunder applauded itself in its vanity' and 'my heart beating faster than any tattoo'. You quickly made the reader envision that they themselves were in that cave sheltering from an angry storm. Really great job. X
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Wow something else I have learned- I had never before heard of or seen a galloping denturn so was intrigued to read your poem and also the explanation behind the form. It sounds quite complicated to do as there seems a lot of rules to follow so well done for such an excellent job. The form aside, I simply enjoyed your poem in general for the suspense and drama within it, and the beautiful use of descriptive imagery such as 'thunder applauded itself in its vanity' and 'my heart beating faster than any tattoo'. You quickly made the reader envision that they themselves were in that cave sheltering from an angry storm. Really great job. X
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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It makes me so happy to hear you say that! Thank you for this wonderful review, and the lovely comments.
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You?re most welcome x
Comment from Jeffrey L. Michaux
This is very good. You've made escaping from inclement weather into quite an exciting and frightening adventure. Your descriptive wording and sharing every intricate detail of what's occurring is brilliant. This is very well written and I enjoyed reading this. Very well done!
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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This is very good. You've made escaping from inclement weather into quite an exciting and frightening adventure. Your descriptive wording and sharing every intricate detail of what's occurring is brilliant. This is very well written and I enjoyed reading this. Very well done!
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Jeffrey. I appreciate that. Glad you like it.
Comment from Ulla
Hi Yvonne, first I read your poem and I really liked it. It clearly shows the fear of being in that cave. Then I read your notes, but they didn't mean anything to me, so I went back and read the poem again, and I still like it a lot. It has a great rhythm and imagery. All the best. Ulla:)))
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Hi Yvonne, first I read your poem and I really liked it. It clearly shows the fear of being in that cave. Then I read your notes, but they didn't mean anything to me, so I went back and read the poem again, and I still like it a lot. It has a great rhythm and imagery. All the best. Ulla:)))
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Thank you for taking so much time and trouble. It means a lot to me that you like it.
Comment from Cindy McIntyre
Wow. A well-written poem and it stirs the emotions with all those details. Right from the start with the "cold sheets of water pelting..." Love the ending too. This is another new poetry style to learn. :)
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Wow. A well-written poem and it stirs the emotions with all those details. Right from the start with the "cold sheets of water pelting..." Love the ending too. This is another new poetry style to learn. :)
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
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Thank you, Cindy. I appreciate this great review. I'm so happy you like it.
Comment from Pam (respa)
-Good image and presentation.
-A well penned poem with lots
of vivid imagery and action.
-A good example is the first
few words: "Hard slamming water"
-I enjoyed your poem and
appreciated the notes about it, too.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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-Good image and presentation.
-A well penned poem with lots
of vivid imagery and action.
-A good example is the first
few words: "Hard slamming water"
-I enjoyed your poem and
appreciated the notes about it, too.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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Thank you. I appreciate your review, and a great one it is.
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You are welcome; I am glad you liked it.
Comment from rspoet
Hello Yvonne,
I love a galloping poem that requires a tight hold on the reins.
Dactylic is not easy to do and have it read smoothly.
I prefer the anapestic, myself.
I will assume you escaped, else how could you be writing this fine poem.
That cave looks like the perfect home for a bear. lol
Well done
Robert
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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Hello Yvonne,
I love a galloping poem that requires a tight hold on the reins.
Dactylic is not easy to do and have it read smoothly.
I prefer the anapestic, myself.
I will assume you escaped, else how could you be writing this fine poem.
That cave looks like the perfect home for a bear. lol
Well done
Robert
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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Yep, I got out. lol
Thank you for this excellent review. I'm so happy you like it.
Comment from Lady Jane
It read great until the last stanza where you used the word 'tattoo' in the second line. Could it be replace with statue (play on words here as you've left ending up to reader anyways)? Tattoo just seemed a bit off for me in this excellent, mysterious write. Just a thought. Nothing to detract a star for. It's just my personal inference here...thanks for sharing a well penned piece of poetry with visual elements that draw the reader in and force us to want to help you run and jump and climb and find your escape :) Thanks for sharing,
janelle
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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It read great until the last stanza where you used the word 'tattoo' in the second line. Could it be replace with statue (play on words here as you've left ending up to reader anyways)? Tattoo just seemed a bit off for me in this excellent, mysterious write. Just a thought. Nothing to detract a star for. It's just my personal inference here...thanks for sharing a well penned piece of poetry with visual elements that draw the reader in and force us to want to help you run and jump and climb and find your escape :) Thanks for sharing,
janelle
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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I'm so glad you wanted to do all those things to help. I think you felt what I intended, and that makes me happy. Thank you.
Comment from victor 66
Your FEAR IN A CAVE, as an example of The GALLOPING DENTURN, is quite unusual and unique. I have a hard enough time writing something traditional, and here is Mr. Turner coming up with a whole different form. Ok. Whether a dark alley or a cave, fear is fear. Thank you for the different form of poetry education. Best wishes.
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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Your FEAR IN A CAVE, as an example of The GALLOPING DENTURN, is quite unusual and unique. I have a hard enough time writing something traditional, and here is Mr. Turner coming up with a whole different form. Ok. Whether a dark alley or a cave, fear is fear. Thank you for the different form of poetry education. Best wishes.
Comment Written 01-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 01-Aug-2018
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Thank you for reviewing, Victor, and for the lovely comments.
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You are entirely welcome.
