Lovers' Trilogy
A Sonnet Triplet28 total reviews
Comment from friartuck
A lovely piece indeed! The only suggestion I would (hesitatingly) make is in the very first line, which has only 8 syllables, and tripped me up at the get-go. English sonnets normally have ten, sometimes eleven syllable lines, and I haven't seen one with eight. May I respectfully suggest adding a two syllable word such as "careless" , "reckless", or possibly "random" before "strewn" there? You can edit in place, if you wish to do that. Good luck in that contest!
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2018
  |
A lovely piece indeed! The only suggestion I would (hesitatingly) make is in the very first line, which has only 8 syllables, and tripped me up at the get-go. English sonnets normally have ten, sometimes eleven syllable lines, and I haven't seen one with eight. May I respectfully suggest adding a two syllable word such as "careless" , "reckless", or possibly "random" before "strewn" there? You can edit in place, if you wish to do that. Good luck in that contest!
Comment Written 03-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2018
-
OMGoodness...i think I have a typo!....Ill be back..
-
Geeezzzzz I forgot a word! ( only I could do this)..That's for the catch and the great review!! I do appreciate it!!! :-)
-
* thanks...
-
My pleasure! That fits perfectly!
Comment from Insignificant Weed
Love is very elusive and we can describe it many ways. We can be pragmatic about it or we can be emotional. This triple sonnet describes the emotional aspects of love. Love can bloom; Love can fade; Love can be rekindled. This sonnet is well planned out using the ideas of "bloom," "fade," and "rekindle." I see no grammatical issues and compliment the author of the thoughtful wording of the poem. Good luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2018
|
Love is very elusive and we can describe it many ways. We can be pragmatic about it or we can be emotional. This triple sonnet describes the emotional aspects of love. Love can bloom; Love can fade; Love can be rekindled. This sonnet is well planned out using the ideas of "bloom," "fade," and "rekindle." I see no grammatical issues and compliment the author of the thoughtful wording of the poem. Good luck in the contest. Thanks for sharing.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2018
-
Thank you for such a lovely review! I appreciate you taking the time and offerng your thoughts :-))) you got it!
Comment from Jim Lorson Sr
Susan, i do not believe that there is a more prolific love and romance writer on this site. i mean this sincerely!
This sonnet trilogy has been done beautifully with leading us through a story that gives us an inset of the wanting love in your first sonnet. There is nothing more troubling when one meanders through life trying to find what is needed for the heart. Excellent story.
Your second sonnet gives me the insight with reaching higher to satisfy the wanton need to fulfill the quest to find and reach that plateau to satisfy cravings. I believe getting to this level now leads me into your third sonnet.
My thoughts is this, you or whomever has found love for the first time. A love that has the emotions running deep, but yet to be fulfilling. This is a hope filled sonnet with looking to the future not only today.
Very well done Susan. I wish you all the best in this contest. I feel this is a true winner!
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
 |
Susan, i do not believe that there is a more prolific love and romance writer on this site. i mean this sincerely!
This sonnet trilogy has been done beautifully with leading us through a story that gives us an inset of the wanting love in your first sonnet. There is nothing more troubling when one meanders through life trying to find what is needed for the heart. Excellent story.
Your second sonnet gives me the insight with reaching higher to satisfy the wanton need to fulfill the quest to find and reach that plateau to satisfy cravings. I believe getting to this level now leads me into your third sonnet.
My thoughts is this, you or whomever has found love for the first time. A love that has the emotions running deep, but yet to be fulfilling. This is a hope filled sonnet with looking to the future not only today.
Very well done Susan. I wish you all the best in this contest. I feel this is a true winner!
Comment Written 03-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
-
Welcome back Jim!...thanks for this outstanding review. You really did dive into this sonnet and I'm loving your thoughts about it. Thanks for the well wishes too! :-)
Comment from Robbie Yates
Beautiful sonnet. You have used the rhyme structure and iambic pentameter brilliantly. I love the resilience and strength of the love you describe. Well done.
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2018
|
Beautiful sonnet. You have used the rhyme structure and iambic pentameter brilliantly. I love the resilience and strength of the love you describe. Well done.
Comment Written 03-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2018
-
Thank you Robbie!!! What a wonderful review...I do appreciate it. :-))))
Comment from Gloria ....
A beautiful sonnet suite, Susan. I love the understated romance that shines through with all the mystery and power of nature and myth.
Your metre is terrific and rhymes fresh and natural. My only question is your opening line is not iambic pentametre. "As teardrops stall, in harsh winds strewn, " Was that deliberate?
That said, terrific job with a fine, fine suite of sonnets. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Gloria
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
|
A beautiful sonnet suite, Susan. I love the understated romance that shines through with all the mystery and power of nature and myth.
Your metre is terrific and rhymes fresh and natural. My only question is your opening line is not iambic pentametre. "As teardrops stall, in harsh winds strewn, " Was that deliberate?
That said, terrific job with a fine, fine suite of sonnets. I wish you good luck in the contest.
Gloria
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
-
Hello sweet Gloria, I forgot a word!
As TEARdrops STALL, unTOUCHED, in HARSH winds STREWN ...
Not deliberate...just me, being me lol
Thank so much for reading and for the review! I do appreciate it! :-)
Comment from Michael Steinert
This is a lovely sonnet and very moving read. However I want to compliment you on how you formatted the piece to look like tear drops. That's no easy task when a poem flows this well
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
|
This is a lovely sonnet and very moving read. However I want to compliment you on how you formatted the piece to look like tear drops. That's no easy task when a poem flows this well
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
-
Hey Michael! Thanks so much for the great review! I so appreciate it!
Comment from rspoet
Hello Susan,
This is an excellent trilogy of sonnets with exact rhymes in the correct scheme
The voltas are very subtle, but volta turns are not an absolute requirement
The couplets reflect back upon the body of the sonnet nicely.
The theme of loss and renewal through nature and heaven's hand is splendid.
The one problem I notice is the iambic meter is off in some places
and done well in others.
For example (winds, dense, hope and grief are stressed rather than unstressed):
As TEARdrops STALL, in HARSH WINDS STREWN,
beNEATH DENSE, BILLowed FEAR, HOPE SOON evades.
GRIEF'S SURGing rise deems moments opportune ...
[As TEARdrops STALL, in HARSHness STREWN] would work better
yet perfect here:
For, when did Luna cast her gaze away
and dim each pathway's deepest earthen void?
Pray heaven intercedes, if led astray ...
reminding love and life was once enjoyed.
If it was not in a contest it would be of no consequence.
Hope this helps.
Best wishes to you.
Robert
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2018
|
Hello Susan,
This is an excellent trilogy of sonnets with exact rhymes in the correct scheme
The voltas are very subtle, but volta turns are not an absolute requirement
The couplets reflect back upon the body of the sonnet nicely.
The theme of loss and renewal through nature and heaven's hand is splendid.
The one problem I notice is the iambic meter is off in some places
and done well in others.
For example (winds, dense, hope and grief are stressed rather than unstressed):
As TEARdrops STALL, in HARSH WINDS STREWN,
beNEATH DENSE, BILLowed FEAR, HOPE SOON evades.
GRIEF'S SURGing rise deems moments opportune ...
[As TEARdrops STALL, in HARSHness STREWN] would work better
yet perfect here:
For, when did Luna cast her gaze away
and dim each pathway's deepest earthen void?
Pray heaven intercedes, if led astray ...
reminding love and life was once enjoyed.
If it was not in a contest it would be of no consequence.
Hope this helps.
Best wishes to you.
Robert
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 03-Aug-2018
-
Hello Rober Dear, looks like we have a difference of opinion here :-) lets chat.
first, I forgot a word lol.So now the syllable count is correct.
Secondly, are you considering the natural and unforced flow of the unstressed and stressed syllables?
Also, with these monosyllabic words, we have to look a little deeper. Is it a noun? Verb? And what is the vowel pattern? Long or short ...
WIND is soft vowel sound...thus making it unstressed. ( of course, there are always exceptions) try reading it the way I have it below... Does it mimic a natural flow?
Be- NEATH ? dense - BILL ? owed - FEAR ? hope - SOON - e -VADES
Now by NO means am I an expert here, but I do feel pretty confident in this. I welcome any thoughts you may have. I so appreciate the review...even if we can?t agree here 😉
-
Hello Susan,
Let me reiterate that I love your trilogy. Meter is sometimes a matter of opinion. If you feel strongly about the meter, then you should definitely stick with it. Best wishes to you. I hope you win!
-
ya I guess I do...but I did go back and double check everything. Thanks for the well wishes!! :-)
Comment from Gert sherwood
Hello susanjohn
Thank you for writing such a lovely triplet sonnet your thoughts of love impressed me in this part of your sonnet--
why,
two longing spirits love's embraced, do fall.
Seems karma planned the perfect course for me,
should shadows lock down ~ your love holds our key.
Gert
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
|
Hello susanjohn
Thank you for writing such a lovely triplet sonnet your thoughts of love impressed me in this part of your sonnet--
why,
two longing spirits love's embraced, do fall.
Seems karma planned the perfect course for me,
should shadows lock down ~ your love holds our key.
Gert
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 04-Aug-2018
-
Thank you Gert! I appreciate you taking the time to read and review!! :-)))
-
Smiles back susanjohn
You are welcome.
Gert
Comment from Oatmeal
SUSANJOHN,
You did a wonderful job with the challenge that you chose. Very well reflected thoughts and opinions, expressiveness is working well. Perfectly arranged & formatting is wonderful. Good flow. Understandable.
It's a very clean piece. I saw no typos or SPAG.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
|
SUSANJOHN,
You did a wonderful job with the challenge that you chose. Very well reflected thoughts and opinions, expressiveness is working well. Perfectly arranged & formatting is wonderful. Good flow. Understandable.
It's a very clean piece. I saw no typos or SPAG.
I look forward to seeing you again.
Love you,
Oatmeal
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
-
Hello! Thank you so very much for this wonderful review! I am happy you enjoyed it. :-)
Comment from Thomas Bowling
Susan St. John. I loved you in McMillan and wife. Will you send me an auttographed photo. I'm looking at yor profile picture. You have a beautiful daughter.
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
|
Susan St. John. I loved you in McMillan and wife. Will you send me an auttographed photo. I'm looking at yor profile picture. You have a beautiful daughter.
Comment Written 02-Aug-2018
reply by the author on 02-Aug-2018
-
LOLLOL what????
-
Read the Sonnet Mr. Bowling! ya might like it ;-)
-
Not nice ..you didnt even read the sonnet.
-
Please refrain from reviewing any of my work in the future. I think you not much of a gentleman. I did not appreciate your "review" and the lack of acknowledgment when called out on it. " Manners maketh the man."
