The Book of Fine Poetry
Viewing comments for Chapter 85 "Picture This What If?"A Collection of My best works.
7 total reviews
Comment from Ogden
It seems you have compiled a list of what every young woman, and in many cases, most everyone, might dream of.
Congratulations on a job well done.
Don
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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It seems you have compiled a list of what every young woman, and in many cases, most everyone, might dream of.
Congratulations on a job well done.
Don
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Thanks for tour kind thoughts and review.
Dr Ricky 1024.Later today
Comment from Raul1
Good poem. This is okay and I think it needs a lot of work. I am trying to understand it as if I am reading a story. You left me clueless as to what is happening. It's good, but work on your rhyming lines more.
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Good poem. This is okay and I think it needs a lot of work. I am trying to understand it as if I am reading a story. You left me clueless as to what is happening. It's good, but work on your rhyming lines more.
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Thanks but you missed the point it's quality.
Dr Ricky 1024.Later today
Comment from Annika Fiercely
What a lovely tribute to your son, and picture of a word where things are as we dream they could be.
For me, the punctuation (and quantity of capital letters) was overwhelming and made it difficult to read the poem fluidly. I don't think there was any need to wrap every line in quotation marks. If you were trying to create the impression of dialogue I think dashes at the beginning of every other line would be more elegant i.e.
Picture This?
-The Sky of Azure Blue is now an assortment of many, beautiful, colors as you drive by and look up into the Sky!
But honestly I would probably prefer the poem with only a few 'picture this's...maybe three put throughout the poem like:
Picture this:
The sky of azure blue is now an assortment of many, beautiful, colors as you drive by and look up into the sky!
Everywhere you go, people ask you
How are you?
And, how do you do?
The winter (which you love)
And the summer (which you love too)
are each and every day
Picture this:
You never get old and stay at the age of eighteen.
the rest of your life!
__________
Just my suggestions!
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
|
What a lovely tribute to your son, and picture of a word where things are as we dream they could be.
For me, the punctuation (and quantity of capital letters) was overwhelming and made it difficult to read the poem fluidly. I don't think there was any need to wrap every line in quotation marks. If you were trying to create the impression of dialogue I think dashes at the beginning of every other line would be more elegant i.e.
Picture This?
-The Sky of Azure Blue is now an assortment of many, beautiful, colors as you drive by and look up into the Sky!
But honestly I would probably prefer the poem with only a few 'picture this's...maybe three put throughout the poem like:
Picture this:
The sky of azure blue is now an assortment of many, beautiful, colors as you drive by and look up into the sky!
Everywhere you go, people ask you
How are you?
And, how do you do?
The winter (which you love)
And the summer (which you love too)
are each and every day
Picture this:
You never get old and stay at the age of eighteen.
the rest of your life!
__________
Just my suggestions!
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Thanks but you missed the point.
The quality.
Dr Ricky 1024.Later today
Comment from Juliette Chamberlain
I like where this poem began and where it led to .
Unconditional love, it's still very hard to find outside of family, as is the peace that you speak of.
'Peace, peace everywhere but there is no peace.'
Only when the Lord rules in Zion will we know that peace that you speak of, and point us to.
Love your thoughts.
Warmly,
Juliette
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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I like where this poem began and where it led to .
Unconditional love, it's still very hard to find outside of family, as is the peace that you speak of.
'Peace, peace everywhere but there is no peace.'
Only when the Lord rules in Zion will we know that peace that you speak of, and point us to.
Love your thoughts.
Warmly,
Juliette
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Thanks Juliette.
Dr Ricky 1024.Later today
Comment from Pamusart
Hi Ricky. This piece tells me that your healing has begun. I think through these writings you are working out your grief. This is the first installment that is uplifting and full of hope. I enjoyed it very much and hope I am right. Thank you for sharing
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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Hi Ricky. This piece tells me that your healing has begun. I think through these writings you are working out your grief. This is the first installment that is uplifting and full of hope. I enjoyed it very much and hope I am right. Thank you for sharing
Comment Written 29-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 29-Jul-2018
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I healed back in December 2006 after butchering myself with a Seven Inch Serated Steak Knife.
I occasionally visit this body to write and share and help ALL...
DR.RICKY 1024 AND HAVE A Blessed Day.
Comment from LeftHandedScribe
The sign of a gorgeous story, poem or any literary work is what is left at the end for the reader to ponder. You set up these questions with great conviction then nail your closing. FIne work.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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The sign of a gorgeous story, poem or any literary work is what is left at the end for the reader to ponder. You set up these questions with great conviction then nail your closing. FIne work.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Sounds like I got a winner?
Thanks,
Ricky...
Comment from Cybertron1986
I find this to be a very deep and philosophically engaging piece that does trigger the emotions of the reader. You presented many vivid statements that had me almost imagining to a point that had me wishing everything you stated were actually true. This is what good writing does. You kept me engaged fron the start.
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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I find this to be a very deep and philosophically engaging piece that does trigger the emotions of the reader. You presented many vivid statements that had me almost imagining to a point that had me wishing everything you stated were actually true. This is what good writing does. You kept me engaged fron the start.
Comment Written 28-Jul-2018
reply by the author on 28-Jul-2018
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Thanks Cybertron.
It sounds 'Spoctoligically
Spoctologic-Logically..
Spocto?'
Which is quite 'Enterprising!'
Dr.Ricky 1024.
Later...
